It is day three of baseball preview week here at Juice and The Kicker. Today we are running through the AL and NL West divisions. So let's just go ahead and jump right on in.
Juice's Predictions
AL West:
1. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
2. Texas Rangers
3. Seattle Mariners
4. Oakland Athletics
Let me make one thing abundantly clear: Just because I put the Rangers in second place, doesn't mean they will be good. It just means they will be the least bad of the three bad teams in this division. Honestly, though, if the Rangers could just find some damn pitching (you haven't had any since Nolan Ryan for Christ sakes. How have you not picked up on this yet?) they would win this division running away. The Angels are not that good. They are good. But not THAT good. The Rangers offense is vastly superior, and could very well be the best offense in baseball, for that matter. But, man is that rotation bad. Just one or two pitchers. That is all you need to be a serious contender. Maybe Ryan can make a comeback...
Why did I move the Mariners ahead of the A's in the standings you may wonder. They just traded for Matt Holliday and signed Jason Giambi, after all. To be honest I threw up in my mouth a little when I saw their pitching staff. I'm sure you'll do the same. Even if Oakland scores 10 runs a game, they'll lose 11-10.
I would like to give Billy Beane kudos, however, for basically trading away a set of inferior prospects in essence for a set of new prospects that should, in theory, be much better. That isn't technically what he did, but after he trades Matt Holliday for the new set, that is how the scenario will play out -- old crappy prospects for new less crappy prospects. Genius.
As for the Mariners, they are bound to be better than last year. That isn't taking much of a leap of faith, of course, since they were the worst team in baseball. However, I still believe in Erik Bedard, and Felix Hernandez dominates about once every fifth game he pitches (the other four games are atrocious mind you). Based on that pitching, I think they can squeak ahead of their A's. And, yes, I did have to spend an inordinate amount of time talking myself into Seattle's offense. It can't be any worse than the A's though. You know, once they trade away Holliday.
(Note: I am a little worried about John Lackey and Ervin Santana, but if all goes according to plan they should be back about a month into the season. If they aren't, this division could turn into a toss up rat race.)
NL West:
1. Los Angeles Dodgers
2. Arizona Diamondbacks
3. San Francisco Giants
4. Colorado Rockies
5. San Diego Padres
Clayton Kershaw is the key to the NL west which, of course, is strange because Clayton Kershaw is younger than me. Without Kershaw stepping up, the Dodgers have absolutely no pitching depth. Yes, Chad Billingsley has proven himself a very good pitcher, and both Hiroki Kuroda and Randy Wolf are serviceable, but without Kershaw putting up good numbers, this rotation could struggle. The fact is, however, The Dodgers have far and away the best lineup in the division, and probably the deepest team in baseball. They have two guys on the bench that would start on many teams (Juan Pierre and Blake DeWitt) and one of the best backup catchers in baseball (Brad Ausmus) who, might I add, is backing up one of the best starting catchers in baseball. This is quite the turnaround for the Dodgers – a very talented offense and a questionable pitching staff. All they need is for Manny to kidnap Pedro and the team will basically be set.
The way I see it, the Dodgers realistically have two challengers for the top spot in the division: The Arizona Diamondbacks and the San Francisco Giants. The Giants, if they can muster up some offense (Pablo Sandoval anyone?) could very well compete for the top spot in the division. They have three exceptional young pitchers in Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain, and Jonathon Sanchez, and two solid veterans in Randy Johnson and Barry Zito. And, yes, I realize I just called Barry Zito a “solid veteran,” but consider this: He will very likely be the fifth starter by the end of the year. Yes, I realize he is making around $18 million a year, but if you throw out that fact, he is a pretty damn good fifth starter. He won ten games last year. If you stop thinking of him as an ace, just because the Giants were dumb enough to give him ace money, and think of him as the fourth or fifth starter he has become, he is still pretty good. Just ponder that for awhile.
As for the Diamondbacks, if their young offense finally breaks out this year, they could be very, very good. They have the pitching (lead by Brandon Webb and Dan Haren) to compete, it is just a matter if Justin Upton and crew finally make “the leap.”
As for the Rockies and Padres, neither one has nearly enough to compete. In fact I am dubbing the Padres as the worst team in baseball this year. Poor Jake Peavey. I really hope he gets traded, both for his sake, and the sake of my fantasy team.
The Kicker's Prediction's
AL West:
1. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
2. Texas Rangers
3. Oakland Athletics
4. Seattle Mariners
This is the BEST 4 team division in the Major Leagues. The LAAAAAAA are going to win the division, that's basically a lock. A solid, deep rotation (assuming Ervin Santana comes back eventually) and some good, but old, hitters will put them in the playoffs. However, beating out Texas, Oakland and Seattle isn't exactly a daunting task.
The Rangers have a great lineup with a shitty rotation. Wow, thats new for them. They always have great pitching (sarcasm). They could compete for the division title with some pitching and a prolonged visit to the DL by Ervin Santana (he use to want people to call him Johan, I'm dead serious).
The A's and Mariners will battle for 3rd and last but I see the A's prevailing. Any team who gave Carlos Silva $12 million a year can't take third in a division, even if there is only four teams. Sorry Seattle fans. Maybe your team can move to Oklahoma City...But I think the A's will be fine and adding Matt Holliday can't hurt (though in all likelihood he will be traded because thats what small market teams do)
NL West:
1. Los Angeles Dodgers
2. Arizona Diamondbacks
3. San Francisco Giants
4. Colorado Rockies
5. San Diego Padres
This is another chance for LA to dominate a sport. Just like the LA football team...the LA Clippers...or the LA Kings (are the Kings still a hockey team? If yes, are they in LA?) LA needs both baseball teams to win their divisions to give the fans something to pretend to care about, show up late for and leave early to get to an after party when its the top of the 6th inning. Anyway, enough about LA, they have Manny and he likes warm weather. He will be great and they will win this awful division.
The Arizona Diamondbacks have potential Justin Upton and Stephen Drew but their rotation looks a little shaky after Brandon Webb and Dan Haren. However, former Twin Augie Ojeda seems to like playing their and his name is Augie. Also, Conor Jackson could be a big player for them and if LA slips they will have a chance to win the division. They also have young Billy Buckner, thats not a bad sign at all for a team...
If Tim Line of cum can pitch 150 games the Giants can compete. But since he is only 14 they might be more conservative with him. One fun fact about the Giants is that when newly acquired Randy Johnson started pitching in the MLB Line of cum was 4. Another fun fact, I am older than Pablo Sandoval by 13 days! But for real, the Giants arent very good.
The Rockies have a few decent bats but to win at Coors field you need a miracle but they already used that or they need pitching, they don't have that. Last and certainly least is the Fathers. After losing one of the ugliest pro athletes in Khalil Green (shield your eyes) the Padres are destined for better things, just not in the way of winning games. With a bad lineup and a shaky rotation the Padres are doomed for failure. (They have a really nice ballpark though, its awesome)
Coming Tomorrow: Playoff and Awards Predictions
Sunday, March 29, 2009
MLB Preview: Central
It is day two of baseball preview week here at Juice and The Kicker. Today we are running through the AL and NL Central divisions. So let's just go ahead and jump right on in.
Juice’s Predictions
AL Central:
1. Minnesota Twins
2. Cleveland Indians
3. Chicago White Sox
4. Kansas City Royals
5. Detroit Tigers
Everybody in the AL Central sucks. Everyone. The Twins have the best rotation, and arguably the worst bullpen. Every lineup has a few decent hitters, and a few questionable hitters. Honestly, even the Royals have a fighting chance in this division. Not a good chance, mind you, but a chance. You could essentially throw the names of all the teams in the Central in a hat, pull them out randomly, and come up with an acceptable prediction for how the division will shake out.
I picked the Twins for two reasons. First of all, they have the best rotation. By far. Second of all I am a homer. Although, I will say, it always makes me nervous picking the Twins because I feel it jinxes them. On the flip side if I don’t have confidence in my team why follow them? Plus, confidence is sexy. I am sexy. Therefore, I picked the Twins. Simple isn’t it?
Also, for sake of full disclosure, the White Sox are my least favorite franchise in all of sports. My bias against them is so strong, I wanted put them in last place. Unfortunately, they are probably slightly better than that. Luckily, though, Kenny Williams ridiculous wheeling and dealing continues to make no sense, and will eventually completely destroy the franchise. So that’s something to look forward to.
Finally, I would just like to apologize for putting the Tigers in last. The city of Detroit is depressed enough as it is. But, well, they're bad. Sorry. They just are.
NL Central:
1. Cincinnati Reds
2. Chicago Cubs
3. St. Louis Cardinals
4. Milwaukee Brewers
5. Houston Astros
6. Pittsburgh Pirates
I want to start by saying the Pirates are probably the most depressing franchise in all of sports. Let’s just say the last time the Pirates had a decent season Barry Bonds looked like this. Not only that, but there is really no end in sight for the Pirates futility. They have done a terrible job of finding, and developing, young talent, and do not have a single established star on their roster. Maybe it will turn around eventually for the Pirates, but not any time soon. At least you have the Steelers people of Pittsburgh. And the Penguins might be good too, but who would know that?
As for the rest of the division, the Astros and Brewers both have such terrible pitching staffs they have little chance of competing. The Cardinals will be solid, because they always are – thanks almost wholly to Albert Pujols – but there just isn’t enough there to make a run at the playoffs.
Also, as some of you may be aware, Milwaukee was “on fire” in 1982 (the season the Brewers made the World Series for the first time). It took 26 years for the Brewers to regain that flaming magic by returning to the playoffs. Well Milwaukee, I would just like to say get ready for another 26 years, because last year was a Sabathia driven aberration.
Now I know what you are thinking. “I don’t care about the Brewers, Astros, Cardinals or Pirates. You picked the Reds to win the division you crack head. Explain yourself.”
Well alright. I will. But only if you calm down.
Ready? Deep breath.
The Reds will have the best rotation in baseball this year. Yeah. That’s right. The best. They have six solid options at starting pitcher, two of whom are arguably the most talented young pitchers in all of baseball (Johnny Cueto and Edinson Volquez). Couple that with veterans Aaron Harang (who will have a bounce back year) and the always solid Bronson Arroyo, along with two viable fifth starter options (Homer Bailey and Micah Owings) and the Reds’ rotation will be scary good.
The only question surrounding Cincinnati will be their offense. There is, however, enough young talent there to carry the team to the playoffs. I love Brandon Phillips, Jay Bruce and Joey Votto; and the rest of the lineup is solid enough to compete. I expect big things from the Reds.
As for the Cubs, I just don’t see their starting rotation holding up all year. If they can eventually pull off the Jake Peavey trade rumored this offseason, things could change very quickly. Until then, it’s all about the Reds baby!
The Kicker's Predictions
AL Central:
1. Minnesota Twins
2. Cleveland Indians
3. Chicago White Sox
4. Detroit Tigers
5. Kansas City Royals
Alright, I know you're thinking this is a homer pick but it really isn't. I honestly do believe the Twins are the best team in the division. Here is why: they have pitching depth, have a better lineup than last year and they are going to honor the Metrodome by having the last game played in it be a playoff (or World Series) game. With a group of young, talented pitchers, Joe Nathan closing and Morneau, Mauer, Crede, Cuddyer, Kubel as well as speed with Span, Gomez and Punto (sorry Delmon Young, you havent convinced me yet) the Twins should not struggle to score. If Mauer gets healthy I would be even more confident in this.
The Indians jump to 2nd because of a bad division and the fact they cant be as bad as they were. They have a lot of talent and I dont see Travis Hafner being completely useless again. The bottom three teams are all going to be pretty bad but I don't see the White Sox winning the division because they played above themselves for much of last year and I really am not convinced they will stay as good, in fact, with aging players like Jim Thome they should be worse.
The Tigers are overpaid, under talented and just sent their best bullpen arm (Zumaya) to the DL. They will struggle similar to last year but I bet Miguel Cabrera's huge ass will play a role, or roll away. And finally the Royals, nice ball park and there mascot shoots hotdogs out of a high powered air gun.
NL Central:
1. Chicago Cubs
2. Cincinnatti Reds
3. St. Louis Cardinals
4. Milwaukee Brewers
5. Houston Astros
6. Pittsburgh Pirates
I like the Cubs and I think they are very talented. Couple this, with a mediocre division and they emerge as NL Central champs. With a loaded rotation and plenty of good bats the Cubs will prevail over the young and talented Reds. This might change and unlike Juice I don't see the Reds in the playoffs but there is 162 games to decide that. The Reds, as I mentioned, are oozing with talent and have plenty of young bats and young arms to challenge the Cubbies for the pennant. After the Reds I like the Cardinals because Albert Pujols always produces and the Cards always find a way to win.
No one cares about this division after the top 3 but I put the Brewers fourth...mainly by default but they do still have some good bats in Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder can hit a ball really, really far. The Astros are from Houston and the Pirates are actually in negotiations with Major League Baseball to move to AAA so they can compete.
Coming tomorrow: AL and NL West predictions
Juice’s Predictions
AL Central:
1. Minnesota Twins
2. Cleveland Indians
3. Chicago White Sox
4. Kansas City Royals
5. Detroit Tigers
Everybody in the AL Central sucks. Everyone. The Twins have the best rotation, and arguably the worst bullpen. Every lineup has a few decent hitters, and a few questionable hitters. Honestly, even the Royals have a fighting chance in this division. Not a good chance, mind you, but a chance. You could essentially throw the names of all the teams in the Central in a hat, pull them out randomly, and come up with an acceptable prediction for how the division will shake out.
I picked the Twins for two reasons. First of all, they have the best rotation. By far. Second of all I am a homer. Although, I will say, it always makes me nervous picking the Twins because I feel it jinxes them. On the flip side if I don’t have confidence in my team why follow them? Plus, confidence is sexy. I am sexy. Therefore, I picked the Twins. Simple isn’t it?
Also, for sake of full disclosure, the White Sox are my least favorite franchise in all of sports. My bias against them is so strong, I wanted put them in last place. Unfortunately, they are probably slightly better than that. Luckily, though, Kenny Williams ridiculous wheeling and dealing continues to make no sense, and will eventually completely destroy the franchise. So that’s something to look forward to.
Finally, I would just like to apologize for putting the Tigers in last. The city of Detroit is depressed enough as it is. But, well, they're bad. Sorry. They just are.
NL Central:
1. Cincinnati Reds
2. Chicago Cubs
3. St. Louis Cardinals
4. Milwaukee Brewers
5. Houston Astros
6. Pittsburgh Pirates
I want to start by saying the Pirates are probably the most depressing franchise in all of sports. Let’s just say the last time the Pirates had a decent season Barry Bonds looked like this. Not only that, but there is really no end in sight for the Pirates futility. They have done a terrible job of finding, and developing, young talent, and do not have a single established star on their roster. Maybe it will turn around eventually for the Pirates, but not any time soon. At least you have the Steelers people of Pittsburgh. And the Penguins might be good too, but who would know that?
As for the rest of the division, the Astros and Brewers both have such terrible pitching staffs they have little chance of competing. The Cardinals will be solid, because they always are – thanks almost wholly to Albert Pujols – but there just isn’t enough there to make a run at the playoffs.
Also, as some of you may be aware, Milwaukee was “on fire” in 1982 (the season the Brewers made the World Series for the first time). It took 26 years for the Brewers to regain that flaming magic by returning to the playoffs. Well Milwaukee, I would just like to say get ready for another 26 years, because last year was a Sabathia driven aberration.
Now I know what you are thinking. “I don’t care about the Brewers, Astros, Cardinals or Pirates. You picked the Reds to win the division you crack head. Explain yourself.”
Well alright. I will. But only if you calm down.
Ready? Deep breath.
The Reds will have the best rotation in baseball this year. Yeah. That’s right. The best. They have six solid options at starting pitcher, two of whom are arguably the most talented young pitchers in all of baseball (Johnny Cueto and Edinson Volquez). Couple that with veterans Aaron Harang (who will have a bounce back year) and the always solid Bronson Arroyo, along with two viable fifth starter options (Homer Bailey and Micah Owings) and the Reds’ rotation will be scary good.
The only question surrounding Cincinnati will be their offense. There is, however, enough young talent there to carry the team to the playoffs. I love Brandon Phillips, Jay Bruce and Joey Votto; and the rest of the lineup is solid enough to compete. I expect big things from the Reds.
As for the Cubs, I just don’t see their starting rotation holding up all year. If they can eventually pull off the Jake Peavey trade rumored this offseason, things could change very quickly. Until then, it’s all about the Reds baby!
The Kicker's Predictions
AL Central:
1. Minnesota Twins
2. Cleveland Indians
3. Chicago White Sox
4. Detroit Tigers
5. Kansas City Royals
Alright, I know you're thinking this is a homer pick but it really isn't. I honestly do believe the Twins are the best team in the division. Here is why: they have pitching depth, have a better lineup than last year and they are going to honor the Metrodome by having the last game played in it be a playoff (or World Series) game. With a group of young, talented pitchers, Joe Nathan closing and Morneau, Mauer, Crede, Cuddyer, Kubel as well as speed with Span, Gomez and Punto (sorry Delmon Young, you havent convinced me yet) the Twins should not struggle to score. If Mauer gets healthy I would be even more confident in this.
The Indians jump to 2nd because of a bad division and the fact they cant be as bad as they were. They have a lot of talent and I dont see Travis Hafner being completely useless again. The bottom three teams are all going to be pretty bad but I don't see the White Sox winning the division because they played above themselves for much of last year and I really am not convinced they will stay as good, in fact, with aging players like Jim Thome they should be worse.
The Tigers are overpaid, under talented and just sent their best bullpen arm (Zumaya) to the DL. They will struggle similar to last year but I bet Miguel Cabrera's huge ass will play a role, or roll away. And finally the Royals, nice ball park and there mascot shoots hotdogs out of a high powered air gun.
NL Central:
1. Chicago Cubs
2. Cincinnatti Reds
3. St. Louis Cardinals
4. Milwaukee Brewers
5. Houston Astros
6. Pittsburgh Pirates
I like the Cubs and I think they are very talented. Couple this, with a mediocre division and they emerge as NL Central champs. With a loaded rotation and plenty of good bats the Cubs will prevail over the young and talented Reds. This might change and unlike Juice I don't see the Reds in the playoffs but there is 162 games to decide that. The Reds, as I mentioned, are oozing with talent and have plenty of young bats and young arms to challenge the Cubbies for the pennant. After the Reds I like the Cardinals because Albert Pujols always produces and the Cards always find a way to win.
No one cares about this division after the top 3 but I put the Brewers fourth...mainly by default but they do still have some good bats in Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder can hit a ball really, really far. The Astros are from Houston and the Pirates are actually in negotiations with Major League Baseball to move to AAA so they can compete.
Coming tomorrow: AL and NL West predictions
MLB Preview: East
Baseball preview week kicks off today with our AL and NL east predictions. We're running through our prediction for how the standings will shake out, with teams making the playoffs in bold.
To recap the weekly schedule looks like this:
Monday: AL and NL East
Tuesday: AL and NL Central
Wednesday: AL and NL West
Thursday: Playoffs and Awards
So let's go ahead and get this party started.
Juice's Picks
AL East:
1. Boston Red Sox
2. Tampa Bay Rays
3. Toronto Blue Jays
4. New York Yankees
5. Baltimore Orioles
Every fiber of my being wants to claim the Rays were a one year wonder. I mean they are the artists formerly known as the Devil Rays, after all. Problem is the Rays are actually good. Now with that said, they are going to slip slightly, because their rotation is a little worrisome. However they will still grab a wild card.
As you can see I have the Red Sox winning the division. Why? Brad Penny is their fifth starter. Brad Penny at his best is an ace. Now, I'm not saying Penny will be at his best, he is coming of an injury after all. Having him as your fifth starter, though, is pretty damn good.
I wanted to put the Yankees in fourth because, well, they just aren't a quality team. They are old, untalented, and morbidly obese. (Ok so only C.C. Sabathia is a big fat fatty. But he is so overweight that it makes the entire team seem fat. There has to be some sort of transitive property of obesity right?) With that said the Blue Jays have almost no pitc - no, you know what? Screw it. Yankees in fourth. Blue Jays in third. Done and done.
I'd say something about the Orioles, but why?
NL East:
1. Philadelphia Phillies
2. New York Mets
3. Atlanta Braves
4. Florida Marlins
5. Washington Nationals
This is one of those divisions where you could make a case for at least three teams, arguably four, to win the division. Basically everyone but the Nationals. Maybe they'll have a chance once they get this guy.
I have a beef with the Mets. They are chokeasaurus rexes. Yes, they have shored up their bullpen, but there are only three players on the team I trust: David Wright, Johan Santana, and Fernando Tatis (he hit two grand slams in one inning once, after all). Seriously though other than Santana, Wright, and Carlos Beltran, who on that team do you legitimately trust? Jose Reyes seems shady, and Carlos Delgado is like 900 years old. And other than Santana there isn't a single pitcher in that rotation I would be 100% confident sending to the mound.
As for the Phillies, they are basically returning their World Series Champion roster from last season. As long as Cole Hamels stays healthy, which is a pretty big if, they should be able to repeat as division champions. Plus, check out Cole Hamels’s wife. That has to count for something right?
The Marlins are my dark horse in the division, if a lot of things fall into place they could be very good. There are just too many ifs, however. I could very well see them jumping ahead of the Braves, but with Atlanta's solid pitching staff and veteran players (Chipper Jones, Brian McCann, Garrett Anderson) I don't see the Braves falling below third. I also don't see them climbing above third. Ah, the joys of mediocrity. Dare to dream, that's what I always say.
The Kicker's Picks
AL East:
1. Boston Red Sox
2. Tampa Bay Rays
3. New York Yankees
4. Baltimore Orioles
5. Toronto Blue Jays
I will be honest, I like Nick Markakis a lot. As Juice mentioned the Blue Jays have no pitching so I put them last, Orioles have Markakis and a cool stadium, plus I will probably be attending a game there this summer so that moves them to fourth (not to mention they aren't based in Canada). The Yankees just don't have a big enough payroll, expensive enough pitching, enough controversy, an old enough lineup or a first basemen with enough X's in there name to compete. I do like the Rays but they won't win the division because Boston is a better team and the "magic is gone". However, the default wild card pick is always the AL East runner up so they get and the Red Sox are loaded in their rotation, have a great closer and of course have some solid bats. They win the division AND have the best record in the American League.
NL East:
1. New York Mets
2. Philadelphia Phillies
3. Florida Marlins
4. Atlanta Braves
8. Washington Nationals
I like to start from the bottom up (thats what she said) so I will talk about the Nationals. Unless President Obama passes a law saying they have to make the playoffs, they wont. I put them in 8th place because I have confidence that at least 3 of the 4 AAA affiliates of the Mets, Phillies, Braves and Marlins are better than them.
I put the Mets ahead of the Phillies because I know it will irritate Juice (Juice interjection: This is completely false. I actually was going to put them in first but their starting rotation worries me. And now back to The Kicker.) and I think they are VERY due to not choke on a cock (a chicken, not an actual cock, sicko). I do like the Mets for some reason, and I think they are due to win, but the Phillies make the playoffs as a wild card and are very likely going to get further than the Mets. The Phillies return pretty much everything from the year before, besides the "magic" so they won't win it all, but they are really good.
The Braves will be fine but are nothing spectacular and I don't care enough to talk about them.
However, my sleeper pick is my Marlins. I really think their new stadium being passed will help them (even though everyone says that it's stupid they got a stadium with this economy) because I think having fans will be a big reason for the team to try hard and I would hook up with Hanley Ramirez. Obviously the stadium wont matter a lot now but I think over time it will be big for them to have a new field...that is until they are contracted before it even opens.
Coming Tomorrow: NL and AL Central picks.
To recap the weekly schedule looks like this:
Monday: AL and NL East
Tuesday: AL and NL Central
Wednesday: AL and NL West
Thursday: Playoffs and Awards
So let's go ahead and get this party started.
Juice's Picks
AL East:
1. Boston Red Sox
2. Tampa Bay Rays
3. Toronto Blue Jays
4. New York Yankees
5. Baltimore Orioles
Every fiber of my being wants to claim the Rays were a one year wonder. I mean they are the artists formerly known as the Devil Rays, after all. Problem is the Rays are actually good. Now with that said, they are going to slip slightly, because their rotation is a little worrisome. However they will still grab a wild card.
As you can see I have the Red Sox winning the division. Why? Brad Penny is their fifth starter. Brad Penny at his best is an ace. Now, I'm not saying Penny will be at his best, he is coming of an injury after all. Having him as your fifth starter, though, is pretty damn good.
I wanted to put the Yankees in fourth because, well, they just aren't a quality team. They are old, untalented, and morbidly obese. (Ok so only C.C. Sabathia is a big fat fatty. But he is so overweight that it makes the entire team seem fat. There has to be some sort of transitive property of obesity right?) With that said the Blue Jays have almost no pitc - no, you know what? Screw it. Yankees in fourth. Blue Jays in third. Done and done.
I'd say something about the Orioles, but why?
NL East:
1. Philadelphia Phillies
2. New York Mets
3. Atlanta Braves
4. Florida Marlins
5. Washington Nationals
This is one of those divisions where you could make a case for at least three teams, arguably four, to win the division. Basically everyone but the Nationals. Maybe they'll have a chance once they get this guy.
I have a beef with the Mets. They are chokeasaurus rexes. Yes, they have shored up their bullpen, but there are only three players on the team I trust: David Wright, Johan Santana, and Fernando Tatis (he hit two grand slams in one inning once, after all). Seriously though other than Santana, Wright, and Carlos Beltran, who on that team do you legitimately trust? Jose Reyes seems shady, and Carlos Delgado is like 900 years old. And other than Santana there isn't a single pitcher in that rotation I would be 100% confident sending to the mound.
As for the Phillies, they are basically returning their World Series Champion roster from last season. As long as Cole Hamels stays healthy, which is a pretty big if, they should be able to repeat as division champions. Plus, check out Cole Hamels’s wife. That has to count for something right?
The Marlins are my dark horse in the division, if a lot of things fall into place they could be very good. There are just too many ifs, however. I could very well see them jumping ahead of the Braves, but with Atlanta's solid pitching staff and veteran players (Chipper Jones, Brian McCann, Garrett Anderson) I don't see the Braves falling below third. I also don't see them climbing above third. Ah, the joys of mediocrity. Dare to dream, that's what I always say.
The Kicker's Picks
AL East:
1. Boston Red Sox
2. Tampa Bay Rays
3. New York Yankees
4. Baltimore Orioles
5. Toronto Blue Jays
I will be honest, I like Nick Markakis a lot. As Juice mentioned the Blue Jays have no pitching so I put them last, Orioles have Markakis and a cool stadium, plus I will probably be attending a game there this summer so that moves them to fourth (not to mention they aren't based in Canada). The Yankees just don't have a big enough payroll, expensive enough pitching, enough controversy, an old enough lineup or a first basemen with enough X's in there name to compete. I do like the Rays but they won't win the division because Boston is a better team and the "magic is gone". However, the default wild card pick is always the AL East runner up so they get and the Red Sox are loaded in their rotation, have a great closer and of course have some solid bats. They win the division AND have the best record in the American League.
NL East:
1. New York Mets
2. Philadelphia Phillies
3. Florida Marlins
4. Atlanta Braves
8. Washington Nationals
I like to start from the bottom up (thats what she said) so I will talk about the Nationals. Unless President Obama passes a law saying they have to make the playoffs, they wont. I put them in 8th place because I have confidence that at least 3 of the 4 AAA affiliates of the Mets, Phillies, Braves and Marlins are better than them.
I put the Mets ahead of the Phillies because I know it will irritate Juice (Juice interjection: This is completely false. I actually was going to put them in first but their starting rotation worries me. And now back to The Kicker.) and I think they are VERY due to not choke on a cock (a chicken, not an actual cock, sicko). I do like the Mets for some reason, and I think they are due to win, but the Phillies make the playoffs as a wild card and are very likely going to get further than the Mets. The Phillies return pretty much everything from the year before, besides the "magic" so they won't win it all, but they are really good.
The Braves will be fine but are nothing spectacular and I don't care enough to talk about them.
However, my sleeper pick is my Marlins. I really think their new stadium being passed will help them (even though everyone says that it's stupid they got a stadium with this economy) because I think having fans will be a big reason for the team to try hard and I would hook up with Hanley Ramirez. Obviously the stadium wont matter a lot now but I think over time it will be big for them to have a new field...that is until they are contracted before it even opens.
Coming Tomorrow: NL and AL Central picks.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Random Thoughts...
...So I found out this week that everyone's favorite Cooper, Winnie, (other option was Mark from "Hanging with Mr. Cooper") turned 34 and was recently married. Danielle McKellar, as you may remember, stared as the young Winnie in the greatest show of all-time, The Wonder Years. Here is the Winnie you might remember and now she is all grown up. The Harvard grad has written multiple books and appeared in several magazines...shown here, here and here. (The Kicker)
...Sorry, that last post was suppose to be about how great Wonder Years was and asking if anyone knows where to buy the DVD Series. Instead, it turned into a bunch of really hot pictures. (The Kicker)
...Let me be the first to say no apology necessary. Also, Winnie Cooper is vastly superior to Topanga Lawerence. (Juice)
...And, Wonder Years is vastly superior to Boy Meets World, for that matter. (Juice)
...There was an article the other day on the Star Tribune website for which the headline read "A Gay Old Day at the Movies" and the subtitle read "Hairy, Husky Dudes Bonding at the Multiplex..." I know exactly what you are thinking, and no the Star Tribune didn't feature a story on a gay porn theatre. It was about a group of gay guys called the "Movie Bears" who get together and review movies. I didn't read the whole story because I'm 90% sure, porn or no porn, it still ends in a circle jerk. (Juice)
...Would you rather watch the movie version of the popular children's book Where the Wild Things Are or spend an evening cutting yourself? I think the answer is fairly obvious. My apologies to those people who already cut themselves; although, technically, the decision should be even more obvious for you... (Juice)
...This random thought is dedicated to The Kicker's girlfriend Brittany: How awesome are footie pajamas? (Juice)
...How can anyone drink energy drinks? Not only are they absolutely terrible for you, they taste like urine in a can. How is that enjoyable in any way? (Juice)
...Amen Mr. Blyleven. (Juice)
...I want to punch Paula Abdul in the head. (Juice)
...Look what my school's hockey team did. I'm on the bandwagon baby! (Juice)
...Also, for that matter, I would like to extend one giant middle finger to ESPN, and all of the Duluth television stations. The ABC affiliate in Duluth can't pick up the game? Really? People just need to watch Just Like Heaven? Seriously that is what they are showing instead. Also, to ESPN how do you not at least have the game on ESPN360? And for that matter how do you put soccer on ESPN2 instead? I realize you are dealing with two unpopular events in hockey and soccer, but stick with the lesser of two evils. I once saw a poll that said 90% of people would rather hang themselves than watch soccer. True story. (Juice)
...The ten day forecast calls for 47 degrees and a 60% chance rain/snow for the Twins home opener April 6th. I get it. We live in Minnesota,. But can I get one precipitation free home opener? I'll accept the 47 degrees. All I ask is it doesn't rain or snow. I foresee this ending poorly once the Twins move outdoors... (Juice)
...I would like to note, however, that I hate retractable roofs and would prefer to sit outside on a 45 degree day than sit under one of those eyesores. Although, I would also suggest that the schedule makers don't start the Twins at home. I'll wait an extra week or two for the home opener if it means it will be slightly warmer and not snowing. (Juice)
...Finally don't forget that next week is baseball preview week here on Juice and The Kicker. I'm sure you are as excited as I am! (Juice)
...Sorry, that last post was suppose to be about how great Wonder Years was and asking if anyone knows where to buy the DVD Series. Instead, it turned into a bunch of really hot pictures. (The Kicker)
...Let me be the first to say no apology necessary. Also, Winnie Cooper is vastly superior to Topanga Lawerence. (Juice)
...And, Wonder Years is vastly superior to Boy Meets World, for that matter. (Juice)
...There was an article the other day on the Star Tribune website for which the headline read "A Gay Old Day at the Movies" and the subtitle read "Hairy, Husky Dudes Bonding at the Multiplex..." I know exactly what you are thinking, and no the Star Tribune didn't feature a story on a gay porn theatre. It was about a group of gay guys called the "Movie Bears" who get together and review movies. I didn't read the whole story because I'm 90% sure, porn or no porn, it still ends in a circle jerk. (Juice)
...Would you rather watch the movie version of the popular children's book Where the Wild Things Are or spend an evening cutting yourself? I think the answer is fairly obvious. My apologies to those people who already cut themselves; although, technically, the decision should be even more obvious for you... (Juice)
...This random thought is dedicated to The Kicker's girlfriend Brittany: How awesome are footie pajamas? (Juice)
...How can anyone drink energy drinks? Not only are they absolutely terrible for you, they taste like urine in a can. How is that enjoyable in any way? (Juice)
...Amen Mr. Blyleven. (Juice)
...I want to punch Paula Abdul in the head. (Juice)
...Look what my school's hockey team did. I'm on the bandwagon baby! (Juice)
...Also, for that matter, I would like to extend one giant middle finger to ESPN, and all of the Duluth television stations. The ABC affiliate in Duluth can't pick up the game? Really? People just need to watch Just Like Heaven? Seriously that is what they are showing instead. Also, to ESPN how do you not at least have the game on ESPN360? And for that matter how do you put soccer on ESPN2 instead? I realize you are dealing with two unpopular events in hockey and soccer, but stick with the lesser of two evils. I once saw a poll that said 90% of people would rather hang themselves than watch soccer. True story. (Juice)
...The ten day forecast calls for 47 degrees and a 60% chance rain/snow for the Twins home opener April 6th. I get it. We live in Minnesota,. But can I get one precipitation free home opener? I'll accept the 47 degrees. All I ask is it doesn't rain or snow. I foresee this ending poorly once the Twins move outdoors... (Juice)
...I would like to note, however, that I hate retractable roofs and would prefer to sit outside on a 45 degree day than sit under one of those eyesores. Although, I would also suggest that the schedule makers don't start the Twins at home. I'll wait an extra week or two for the home opener if it means it will be slightly warmer and not snowing. (Juice)
...Finally don't forget that next week is baseball preview week here on Juice and The Kicker. I'm sure you are as excited as I am! (Juice)
Friday, March 27, 2009
Weekly Top Ten: 90's One Hit Wonders
Who doesn't love a good one hit wonder?
For this list, I'm running down the "top" one hit wonders. I defined "top" based one or more of these three criteria:
1. Popularity
2. How ridiculous/annoying/catchy the song is
3. Songs I like (Most of the songs I like because they are so ridiculous and stupid it makes me laugh)
So then let’s get to the list.
For this list, I'm running down the "top" one hit wonders. I defined "top" based one or more of these three criteria:
1. Popularity
2. How ridiculous/annoying/catchy the song is
3. Songs I like (Most of the songs I like because they are so ridiculous and stupid it makes me laugh)
So then let’s get to the list.
10. "Graduation" - Vitamin C
Remember the television channel The Box? Yeah, I blame the box for a very large percentage of this list. In some cases I would say thank them, but this is definitely not one of those cases. Vitamin C wins the all time award for “obviousness.” This is the most obviously blatant way of saying “I’m going create a song that will be sung as the graduation song at high schools for the rest of time. I wonder what I should call it…oh! I know! Graduation!” By the way, if your class actually used this song at graduation, you are all going to end up homeless or in prison.
9. "Closing Time" – Semisonic
I actually like this song. With that said, I don’t think I’ve heard any other Semisonic songs so I’m sure they are all terrible, but I enjoy this one. I suppose if you are going to have a one hit wonder you might as well make it an actually decent song. Besides how can you not like a song about going to the bar, and trying to get in some girls pants? It’s like art imitating life imitating art. Or some bull shit like that.
8. "Peaches" - Presidents of the United States
Peaches come from a can
They were put there by a man
In a factory downtown.
Those lyrics say it all really. Don’t they?
7. "I'm Too Sexy" - Right Said Fred
I dare say this is the most preposterous song on this list. If you have never seen the video, go watch it now. There is a whole lot of shirtless man, and homoeroticism going on, but it is totally worth it. Fantastically hilarious.
6. "Cotton Eyed Joe" – Rednex
Did you know the Rednex’s are a Swedish Techno-Country band? Because they are. Obviously everybody knows this song is Techno-Country song (who knew blending two terrible things together would make something awesome?) but they are also Swedish. This takes this song to a whole other level. I always assumed the song was sung by a crazy old man with a scraggly beard sitting on a porch drinking moonshine, and ranting about some guy named Joe. A Swedish Techno band takes this song to a whole other level. Maybe they’ll make a Mamma Mia-esque musical out of it like they did for ABBA. The only difference being that I would actually watch the Cotton Eyed Joe musical.
5. "We Like to Party" – Vengaboys
How can you not love the Vengaboys?
Remember the television channel The Box? Yeah, I blame the box for a very large percentage of this list. In some cases I would say thank them, but this is definitely not one of those cases. Vitamin C wins the all time award for “obviousness.” This is the most obviously blatant way of saying “I’m going create a song that will be sung as the graduation song at high schools for the rest of time. I wonder what I should call it…oh! I know! Graduation!” By the way, if your class actually used this song at graduation, you are all going to end up homeless or in prison.
9. "Closing Time" – Semisonic
I actually like this song. With that said, I don’t think I’ve heard any other Semisonic songs so I’m sure they are all terrible, but I enjoy this one. I suppose if you are going to have a one hit wonder you might as well make it an actually decent song. Besides how can you not like a song about going to the bar, and trying to get in some girls pants? It’s like art imitating life imitating art. Or some bull shit like that.
8. "Peaches" - Presidents of the United States
Peaches come from a can
They were put there by a man
In a factory downtown.
Those lyrics say it all really. Don’t they?
7. "I'm Too Sexy" - Right Said Fred
I dare say this is the most preposterous song on this list. If you have never seen the video, go watch it now. There is a whole lot of shirtless man, and homoeroticism going on, but it is totally worth it. Fantastically hilarious.
6. "Cotton Eyed Joe" – Rednex
Did you know the Rednex’s are a Swedish Techno-Country band? Because they are. Obviously everybody knows this song is Techno-Country song (who knew blending two terrible things together would make something awesome?) but they are also Swedish. This takes this song to a whole other level. I always assumed the song was sung by a crazy old man with a scraggly beard sitting on a porch drinking moonshine, and ranting about some guy named Joe. A Swedish Techno band takes this song to a whole other level. Maybe they’ll make a Mamma Mia-esque musical out of it like they did for ABBA. The only difference being that I would actually watch the Cotton Eyed Joe musical.
5. "We Like to Party" – Vengaboys
How can you not love the Vengaboys?
"The Venga bus is coming
And everybody’s jumping
New York to San Fransisco
An intercity disco
The wheels of steel are turning
And traffic lights are burning
So if you like to party
Get on and move your body"
Done and done.
Done and done.
4. "Tubthumping" - Chumbawamba
"I get knocked down but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down
He takes a whiskey drink
He takes a vodka drink
He takes a lager drink
He takes a cider drink"
That’s it. Those are all the lyrics to this song. Well that and “Danny Boy, Danny Boy,” and so on and so forth. Now I’m not saying having so few lyrics is a bad thing. In fact, it is probably a good thing. I don’t think I’m going out on a limb by saying Chumbawamba aren’t exactly the greatest lyricists in the world. Plus, when you are singing a song about getting wasted, it is probably better to keep things simple.
3. Jock Jams -Various Artists
Whoever decided to create Jock Jams was an evil genius. Let’s take every catchy, ridiculous, often obnoxious song possible and cram them into one CD. Wait one CD isn’t enough, let’s go ahead and make five volumes. These CD’s basically ruined sporting event music. Well, these and the Baja Men.
"I get knocked down but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down
He takes a whiskey drink
He takes a vodka drink
He takes a lager drink
He takes a cider drink"
That’s it. Those are all the lyrics to this song. Well that and “Danny Boy, Danny Boy,” and so on and so forth. Now I’m not saying having so few lyrics is a bad thing. In fact, it is probably a good thing. I don’t think I’m going out on a limb by saying Chumbawamba aren’t exactly the greatest lyricists in the world. Plus, when you are singing a song about getting wasted, it is probably better to keep things simple.
3. Jock Jams -Various Artists
Whoever decided to create Jock Jams was an evil genius. Let’s take every catchy, ridiculous, often obnoxious song possible and cram them into one CD. Wait one CD isn’t enough, let’s go ahead and make five volumes. These CD’s basically ruined sporting event music. Well, these and the Baja Men.
2. "Mambo #5" - Lou Bega
RIP Lou Bega. You will be missed.
What? Lou Bega is still a live?
RIP Lou Bega. You will be missed.
What? Lou Bega is still a live?
Oh. My bad.
1. "Summer Girls" – LFO
Remember the boy band craze? There was frosted hair and sweaters everywhere. Personally, I was always an *NSYNC man myself. As far as singles go, though, you just cannot beat “Summer Girls” by LFO. Check out the lyrics. They speak for themselves. Trying to describe the magnitude of LFO’s genius is impossible.
Honorable Mention:
“Bittersweet Symphony” - The Verve
“The Freshman” - Verve Pipe
“Breakfast at Tiffany’s” - Deep Blue Something
“I touch Myself” - Divinyls
“Whoot There it Is” - 95 South
1. "Summer Girls" – LFO
Remember the boy band craze? There was frosted hair and sweaters everywhere. Personally, I was always an *NSYNC man myself. As far as singles go, though, you just cannot beat “Summer Girls” by LFO. Check out the lyrics. They speak for themselves. Trying to describe the magnitude of LFO’s genius is impossible.
Honorable Mention:
“Bittersweet Symphony” - The Verve
“The Freshman” - Verve Pipe
“Breakfast at Tiffany’s” - Deep Blue Something
“I touch Myself” - Divinyls
“Whoot There it Is” - 95 South
-Juice
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sweet Sixteen and Elite Eight Picks
Well we have made it to the Sweet Sixteen. Many people's brackets are busted, and there aren't any interesting underdogs left anymore (Arizona is a 12 seed but they aren't interesting) so the tourney is fizzling. The tournament always gets less interesting after the first two rounds, but whatever.
On to our Sweet Sixteen and Elite Eight picks. Also, we are ditching the whole upset in bold thing, since there really aren't any potential shocking upsets. Other than Arizona, but screw them.
Juice Says
Sweet Sixteen
Midwest:
Louisville beats Arizona
Kansas beats Michigan St
West:
UConn beats Purdue
Memphis beats Missouri
East:
Pittsburgh beats Xavier
Villanova beats Duke
South:
North Carolina beats Gonzaga
Syracuse beats Oklahoma
Elite Eight
Midwest:
Louisville beats Kansas
West: Memphis beats UConn
East:
Pittsburgh beats Villanova
South:
Syracuse beats North Carolina
This has been a relatively boring tournament so far. There were a few exciting games, and a couple of upsets (like my boys from Cleveland State) but for the most part the bracket has gone with the chalk (which, might I add, is the single dumbest expression in the history of the English language). Of course I can’t really say much, my finals teams are Pittsburgh and Louisville and that is quite chalkish as well.
I guess my most “out there” pick in the Final Four would be Syracuse (who I did have in my original bracket) but I think even they have a pretty big bandwagon at this point. Plus picking a three seed isn’t all that crazy.
Unless a team like George Mason makes a run, which is a rarity, the later rounds of the tournament are just like any other playoff where the best teams play and the unexpected rarely happens. Basically a whole lot of one and two seeds.
Of the teams left, a person could make a fairly convincing case for why any one of them could win. This is what makes college basketball more interesting than the NBA (Can’t the Lakers and Cavs just play the finals now? Do we really need two more months of NBA games to decide the inevitable?). With that said, however, there isn’t a team left in the NCAA tourney that is exciting, or an interesting Cinderella. (Note: Arizona has a few NBA caliber players and underachieved during the season, they aren’t a real Cinderella.)
At this point I am only interested in the outcome because it is a national championship. I’m not actually interested in the games. Basically the “madness” of March Madness is over.
Whatever happens though, there are two undeniable truths to be taken from this tourney: Oklahoma is an overrated one man team, and Eric Devendorf is the biggest tool on the planet.
The Kicker Says
Sweet Sixteen
Midwest:
Louisville beats Arizona
Kansas beats Michigan State
West:
UConn beats Purdue
Memphis beats Missouri
East:
Xavier beats Pittsburgh
Villanova beats Duke
South:
UNC beats Gonzaga
Oklahoma beats Syracuse
Elite Eight (Didn't this use to be called the Great Eight?)
Midwest:
Louisville beats Kansas
West:
Memphis beats UConn
East:
Villanova beats Xavier
South:
Oklahoma beats UNC
Alright, this tournament has been a letdown, I will be the first to admit that. But, it still has had its moments, whether or not there were upsets. Ben Woodside (Minnesota born and raised) from North Dakota State dropped 37 on Sherron Collins and Kansas, there have been some very hot cheerleaders and I have a growing hatred for nearly every basketball announcer (Kevin Harlan not included).
Now for my picks, I am not thrilled with my picks so far, but my Final Four is still intact. I didn't pick the "favorites" bur everyone is pretty much the same at this point. I like Memphis because of Tyreke Evans, there athleticism and there coach. They might not be a championship caliber team but I will ride those Tigers til they lose.
From the Midwest I am picking Louisville because of Samardo Samuels and Rick Pitino. He is underrated and Pitino is a winner. However, they lost to my Gophers which shows me they are definitely vulnerable. But working in their favor is Arizona who is not that good, Michigan St who is too slow to beat them and Kansas who relies to heavily on Cole Aldrich (Minnesota boy) and Sherron Collins.
I like Villanova because they are good and playing well. Pitt hasn't beat anyone better than a 6 seed in there last four tournament appearances and they wont this year. Finally, my "upset" is Blake Griffin making the Final Four. He is a one man team and I hate him but he is terrific. He will beats Jonny Flynn and Syracuse and then out play Tyler Hansboro and an injured Ty Lawson (two games in 3 days will make Lawson ineffective for the 2nd half against Oklahoma). So yes, I am still going to watch the games and probably end up caring more than I think but as it stands now, I don't really give a damn. I hope for good games, to win a few of my bracket pools and maybe just maybe find some more hot cheerleaders (I'm looking at you Louisville, Memphis and Arizona)
On to our Sweet Sixteen and Elite Eight picks. Also, we are ditching the whole upset in bold thing, since there really aren't any potential shocking upsets. Other than Arizona, but screw them.
Juice Says
Sweet Sixteen
Midwest:
Louisville beats Arizona
Kansas beats Michigan St
West:
UConn beats Purdue
Memphis beats Missouri
East:
Pittsburgh beats Xavier
Villanova beats Duke
South:
North Carolina beats Gonzaga
Syracuse beats Oklahoma
Elite Eight
Midwest:
Louisville beats Kansas
West: Memphis beats UConn
East:
Pittsburgh beats Villanova
South:
Syracuse beats North Carolina
This has been a relatively boring tournament so far. There were a few exciting games, and a couple of upsets (like my boys from Cleveland State) but for the most part the bracket has gone with the chalk (which, might I add, is the single dumbest expression in the history of the English language). Of course I can’t really say much, my finals teams are Pittsburgh and Louisville and that is quite chalkish as well.
I guess my most “out there” pick in the Final Four would be Syracuse (who I did have in my original bracket) but I think even they have a pretty big bandwagon at this point. Plus picking a three seed isn’t all that crazy.
Unless a team like George Mason makes a run, which is a rarity, the later rounds of the tournament are just like any other playoff where the best teams play and the unexpected rarely happens. Basically a whole lot of one and two seeds.
Of the teams left, a person could make a fairly convincing case for why any one of them could win. This is what makes college basketball more interesting than the NBA (Can’t the Lakers and Cavs just play the finals now? Do we really need two more months of NBA games to decide the inevitable?). With that said, however, there isn’t a team left in the NCAA tourney that is exciting, or an interesting Cinderella. (Note: Arizona has a few NBA caliber players and underachieved during the season, they aren’t a real Cinderella.)
At this point I am only interested in the outcome because it is a national championship. I’m not actually interested in the games. Basically the “madness” of March Madness is over.
Whatever happens though, there are two undeniable truths to be taken from this tourney: Oklahoma is an overrated one man team, and Eric Devendorf is the biggest tool on the planet.
The Kicker Says
Sweet Sixteen
Midwest:
Louisville beats Arizona
Kansas beats Michigan State
West:
UConn beats Purdue
Memphis beats Missouri
East:
Xavier beats Pittsburgh
Villanova beats Duke
South:
UNC beats Gonzaga
Oklahoma beats Syracuse
Elite Eight (Didn't this use to be called the Great Eight?)
Midwest:
Louisville beats Kansas
West:
Memphis beats UConn
East:
Villanova beats Xavier
South:
Oklahoma beats UNC
Alright, this tournament has been a letdown, I will be the first to admit that. But, it still has had its moments, whether or not there were upsets. Ben Woodside (Minnesota born and raised) from North Dakota State dropped 37 on Sherron Collins and Kansas, there have been some very hot cheerleaders and I have a growing hatred for nearly every basketball announcer (Kevin Harlan not included).
Now for my picks, I am not thrilled with my picks so far, but my Final Four is still intact. I didn't pick the "favorites" bur everyone is pretty much the same at this point. I like Memphis because of Tyreke Evans, there athleticism and there coach. They might not be a championship caliber team but I will ride those Tigers til they lose.
From the Midwest I am picking Louisville because of Samardo Samuels and Rick Pitino. He is underrated and Pitino is a winner. However, they lost to my Gophers which shows me they are definitely vulnerable. But working in their favor is Arizona who is not that good, Michigan St who is too slow to beat them and Kansas who relies to heavily on Cole Aldrich (Minnesota boy) and Sherron Collins.
I like Villanova because they are good and playing well. Pitt hasn't beat anyone better than a 6 seed in there last four tournament appearances and they wont this year. Finally, my "upset" is Blake Griffin making the Final Four. He is a one man team and I hate him but he is terrific. He will beats Jonny Flynn and Syracuse and then out play Tyler Hansboro and an injured Ty Lawson (two games in 3 days will make Lawson ineffective for the 2nd half against Oklahoma). So yes, I am still going to watch the games and probably end up caring more than I think but as it stands now, I don't really give a damn. I hope for good games, to win a few of my bracket pools and maybe just maybe find some more hot cheerleaders (I'm looking at you Louisville, Memphis and Arizona)
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Expand the Madness
A few quick "programming" notes before I begin:
1. I haven't posted for awhile because I was on spring break. I apologize. This is why I basically mailed everything in all of last week. Spring Break is the time to party like a rock star and that is exactly what I was doing. Well, not really, but you get my point.
2. Next week will be "baseball preview week." Monday we will break down the AL and NL East, Tuesday the Central, and Wednesday the West. This will be followed by the cu de gras on Thursday - our playoff and regular season awards picks. You don't want to miss it.
3. The Friday Top Ten and Random Thoughts will return to their regular schedule next week as well. The NCAA tournament threw off our feng shui.
4. Also, if you have any ideas for top ten lists, or would like to submit a Random Thought for inclusion in the weekly list please do so, preferably via email. We have yet to get a single email. All I want is one email by the end of the week. That is all I ask. Also, The Kicker is illiterate so if you want to write in just to make fun of him that is completely fine, he won't know the difference. I'll just tell him you said he is "a very special boy."
5. I don't actually have a fifth point. I just thought five was a better number to end on. Who wants to see a list of four? Awkward.
Now on to your regularly scheduled programming.
I, like everyone else, spent a large portion of my Thursday thru Sunday afternoon and evenings watching college basketball. It is March Madness, after all. The most interesting thing about the NCAA tournament, though, is how excited the general population gets. This is, of course, because of gambling and office pools (which nobody ever questions even though gambling is illegal.)
The fact is the popularity of the tournament is derived almost wholly from idea of setting up your own personal bracket -- Did my upset pick pull it out? (Thank you Cleveland State.) Are my Final Four teams still alive? Am I beating the attractive girl who knows nothing about college basketball and is only in the pool because everyone wants to sleep with her? -- These are things everyone can get behind (possibly literally, in at least one case).
The reality, however, is that there aren't that many diehard college basketball fans across the country. Yes there are subsets of very passionate fan bases (Duke, North Carolina, Syracuse, UConn, etc.) but these teams are located in areas that are mostly devoid of any professional teams. At least in the immediate vicinity.
Professional sports will always rule over college sports. Always.
This isn't to take anything away from March Madness. I would enjoy watching the tournament even if I didn't have any brackets on the line. There tends to be at least a couple of exciting games, and watching a big upset is always fun. (The most exciting game I saw all week, though, was a high school boy’s basketball game. Shout out to the state tournament bound, and undefeated, St. Cloud Tech Tigers.)
The fact is the NCAA Tournament is the single most genius concept any sports league --professional or college -- has ever come up with. It lends itself to excitement and intrigue. It enthralls the entire nation -- even if just for betting purposes.
So you know what I say? Let's extend the concept to other arenas.
Specifically, let’s have professional sports tournaments.
Now, this concept will never happen for about a million reasons, and some may say it is completely inane, but I defy you to claim a MLB tournament, or NFL tournament wouldn't garner your interest.
Let's use MLB as an example.
Currently, there are 30 teams in MLB, 16 in the NL and 14 in the AL. I would propose a bracket of 32 teams, with two "regions" (AL and NL). To make this work, you would also take the top two AAA teams, and put one in each league as the 16 seed. (This would be even more interesting if an AAA team had to play its parent club.)
You would play out the regular season just like normal, but instead of a playoff system that takes four teams from each league, you have a tournament with all the teams seeded record. (Note: I’m not saying this should happen every year, but you could do it every four years, and have one major professional sports league tournament each year. That is if you still consider the NHL a major sport.)From there, just like in March Madness, you would play out the tournament and see what happens. Can the 13 seed go on a hot streak and win the whole thing? Who knows? That's what would make it interesting.
1. I haven't posted for awhile because I was on spring break. I apologize. This is why I basically mailed everything in all of last week. Spring Break is the time to party like a rock star and that is exactly what I was doing. Well, not really, but you get my point.
2. Next week will be "baseball preview week." Monday we will break down the AL and NL East, Tuesday the Central, and Wednesday the West. This will be followed by the cu de gras on Thursday - our playoff and regular season awards picks. You don't want to miss it.
3. The Friday Top Ten and Random Thoughts will return to their regular schedule next week as well. The NCAA tournament threw off our feng shui.
4. Also, if you have any ideas for top ten lists, or would like to submit a Random Thought for inclusion in the weekly list please do so, preferably via email. We have yet to get a single email. All I want is one email by the end of the week. That is all I ask. Also, The Kicker is illiterate so if you want to write in just to make fun of him that is completely fine, he won't know the difference. I'll just tell him you said he is "a very special boy."
5. I don't actually have a fifth point. I just thought five was a better number to end on. Who wants to see a list of four? Awkward.
Now on to your regularly scheduled programming.
I, like everyone else, spent a large portion of my Thursday thru Sunday afternoon and evenings watching college basketball. It is March Madness, after all. The most interesting thing about the NCAA tournament, though, is how excited the general population gets. This is, of course, because of gambling and office pools (which nobody ever questions even though gambling is illegal.)The fact is the popularity of the tournament is derived almost wholly from idea of setting up your own personal bracket -- Did my upset pick pull it out? (Thank you Cleveland State.) Are my Final Four teams still alive? Am I beating the attractive girl who knows nothing about college basketball and is only in the pool because everyone wants to sleep with her? -- These are things everyone can get behind (possibly literally, in at least one case).
The reality, however, is that there aren't that many diehard college basketball fans across the country. Yes there are subsets of very passionate fan bases (Duke, North Carolina, Syracuse, UConn, etc.) but these teams are located in areas that are mostly devoid of any professional teams. At least in the immediate vicinity.
Professional sports will always rule over college sports. Always.
This isn't to take anything away from March Madness. I would enjoy watching the tournament even if I didn't have any brackets on the line. There tends to be at least a couple of exciting games, and watching a big upset is always fun. (The most exciting game I saw all week, though, was a high school boy’s basketball game. Shout out to the state tournament bound, and undefeated, St. Cloud Tech Tigers.)
The fact is the NCAA Tournament is the single most genius concept any sports league --professional or college -- has ever come up with. It lends itself to excitement and intrigue. It enthralls the entire nation -- even if just for betting purposes.
So you know what I say? Let's extend the concept to other arenas.
Specifically, let’s have professional sports tournaments.
Now, this concept will never happen for about a million reasons, and some may say it is completely inane, but I defy you to claim a MLB tournament, or NFL tournament wouldn't garner your interest.
Let's use MLB as an example.
Currently, there are 30 teams in MLB, 16 in the NL and 14 in the AL. I would propose a bracket of 32 teams, with two "regions" (AL and NL). To make this work, you would also take the top two AAA teams, and put one in each league as the 16 seed. (This would be even more interesting if an AAA team had to play its parent club.)
You would play out the regular season just like normal, but instead of a playoff system that takes four teams from each league, you have a tournament with all the teams seeded record. (Note: I’m not saying this should happen every year, but you could do it every four years, and have one major professional sports league tournament each year. That is if you still consider the NHL a major sport.)From there, just like in March Madness, you would play out the tournament and see what happens. Can the 13 seed go on a hot streak and win the whole thing? Who knows? That's what would make it interesting.Anyone can win.
Obviously there are issues with the concept. One NL team would have to move over to the AL for the tournament. The amount of time between games would change pitching matchups. A single elimination tournament could literally be played in a matter of days.
These issues would have to be ironed out, but I guarantee this type of set up would, unlike the WBC, be a tournament people would actually be interested in. And, creating an NFL tournament would be even easier as there are already 32 teams and football is set up better for single elimination.
With the right system and rules, this could definitely work.
Fans love tournaments. They love upsets. They love filling out brackets. They love Cinderella. They love knowing their team has a chance, even if they are a 16 seed. They love the drama and the excitement. They love the madness.
Who wouldn’t love to see the most popular concept in sports applied to the most popular teams, players, and leagues?
Too bad it will never happen.
-Juice
Obviously there are issues with the concept. One NL team would have to move over to the AL for the tournament. The amount of time between games would change pitching matchups. A single elimination tournament could literally be played in a matter of days.
These issues would have to be ironed out, but I guarantee this type of set up would, unlike the WBC, be a tournament people would actually be interested in. And, creating an NFL tournament would be even easier as there are already 32 teams and football is set up better for single elimination.
With the right system and rules, this could definitely work.
Fans love tournaments. They love upsets. They love filling out brackets. They love Cinderella. They love knowing their team has a chance, even if they are a 16 seed. They love the drama and the excitement. They love the madness.
Who wouldn’t love to see the most popular concept in sports applied to the most popular teams, players, and leagues?
Too bad it will never happen.
-Juice
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Random Thoughts...
...You know you're in a small town when the gas station has a gun store attached. To let you know you're in a shitty small town there has to be a man standing outside the closed gun store, three pick up trucks getting gas and all of them have ATV's in the pickup bed. Yep, welcome to my drive back to school after spring break. (The Kicker)
...Texas Longhorn cheerleaders are hot. Especially when you compare them to the lackluster Minnesota Gopher cheerleaders. That is like a 1 seed vs 16 seed; and, as we all know, a 16 seed never beats a 1 seed. (Juice)
How awesome is it that President Obama filled out an NCAA bracket? Not only did he fill it out, he seems to understand basic things, like an 11 will beat a 6 and that some very good teams have key injuries. A lot can be told about how a person fills out their NCAA brackets and knowing that our president is knowledgeable and has clearly filled out many before this makes me feel good inside. (The Kicker)
...I disagree. President Obama is a pansy. He picked two "real" upsets, one of which was VCU over UCLA. Everyone is picking VCU over UCLA. Man up Mr. Commander in Chief. (Juice)
...How much would someone have to pay you to hang out with Vin Diesel? (Juice)
...As discussed before I would want at least $1000/hour and he has to pay for everything we do while hanging out. (The Kicker)
...I hate Family Circus. (Juice)
...Texas Longhorn cheerleaders are hot. Especially when you compare them to the lackluster Minnesota Gopher cheerleaders. That is like a 1 seed vs 16 seed; and, as we all know, a 16 seed never beats a 1 seed. (Juice)
How awesome is it that President Obama filled out an NCAA bracket? Not only did he fill it out, he seems to understand basic things, like an 11 will beat a 6 and that some very good teams have key injuries. A lot can be told about how a person fills out their NCAA brackets and knowing that our president is knowledgeable and has clearly filled out many before this makes me feel good inside. (The Kicker)
...I disagree. President Obama is a pansy. He picked two "real" upsets, one of which was VCU over UCLA. Everyone is picking VCU over UCLA. Man up Mr. Commander in Chief. (Juice)
...He also went 8 for 8 on Saturday...just saying. (The Kicker)
...He also has a bracket that couldn't win anything because he was too much of a pussy to pick some upsets. (Juice)
...One of the most annoying things about college basketball is when the announcers call a "heat check" when a guy takes a bad shot the next time down after making one. So what if you made a 3? You don't need to pull up from 5 feet behind the line and chuck another one. You're not on fire, as we discussed in other posts on fire is when you make two in a row. (The Kicker)
...CBS needs to reevaluate how they decide which game to show during March Madness. There was one point on Friday when it looked like Pittsburgh might be upset by #16 ETSU (Eastern Tennessee State University?) and I was getting Dayton vs. West Virginia. Who cares about Dayton vs. West Virginia? Then again who would actually want to watch the biggest upset in tournament history? Pittsburgh ended up winning by ten, but it still makes me mad. (Juice)
...My favorite NCAA Tournament stat ever: In 2006 American companies lost $3.8 billion in productivity from its workers who were watching games, filling out brackets or looking at NCAA tournament coverage online. Gotta love corporate America being screwed by college basketball. (The Kicker)...How much would someone have to pay you to hang out with Vin Diesel? (Juice)
...As discussed before I would want at least $1000/hour and he has to pay for everything we do while hanging out. (The Kicker)
...I hate Family Circus. (Juice)
Saturday, March 21, 2009
NCAA Picks: Round 2
Since it makes no sense to tell you our picks if the teams didn't make it, were going to pick the actual games. As before, all bolded games are upsets with more than a difference of 3 as their seeds. I'll give an example for our slower readers (you know who you are)
The Kicker's Picks
Midwest:
Louisville beats Siena
Arizona beats Cleveland St.
Kansas beats Dayton
Michigan St beats USC
West:
UConn beats Texas A&M
Washington beats Purdue
Marquette beats Missouri
Memphis beats Maryland
East:
Pittsburgh beats Oklahoma St.
Xavier beats Wisconsin
Villanova beats UCLA
Texas beats Duke (Ok, Texas is a 7, Duke is a 2. 7-2=5. 5 is greater than 3. It's bold!)
South:
UNC beats LSU
Western Kentucky beats Gonzaga
Syracuse beats Arizona St.
Oklahoma CRUSHES Michigan
Juice's Picks
Midwest:
Louisville beats Siena
Cleveland St beats Arizona
Dayton beats Kansas
Michigan St beats USC
West:
UConn beats Texas A&M
Purdue beats Washington
Missouri beats Marquette
Memphis beats Maryland
East:
Pittsburgh beats Oklahoma St.
Xavier beats Wisconsin
Villanova beats UCLA
Duke beats Texas
South:
UNC beats LSU
Gonzaga beats Western Kentucky
Syracuse beats Arizona St.
Oklahoma squeaks past Michigan
The Kicker's Picks
Midwest:
Louisville beats Siena
Arizona beats Cleveland St.
Kansas beats Dayton
Michigan St beats USC
West:
UConn beats Texas A&M
Washington beats Purdue
Marquette beats Missouri
Memphis beats Maryland
East:
Pittsburgh beats Oklahoma St.
Xavier beats Wisconsin
Villanova beats UCLA
Texas beats Duke (Ok, Texas is a 7, Duke is a 2. 7-2=5. 5 is greater than 3. It's bold!)
South:
UNC beats LSU
Western Kentucky beats Gonzaga
Syracuse beats Arizona St.
Oklahoma CRUSHES Michigan
Juice's Picks
Midwest:
Louisville beats Siena
Cleveland St beats Arizona
Dayton beats Kansas
Michigan St beats USC
West:
UConn beats Texas A&M
Purdue beats Washington
Missouri beats Marquette
Memphis beats Maryland
East:
Pittsburgh beats Oklahoma St.
Xavier beats Wisconsin
Villanova beats UCLA
Duke beats Texas
South:
UNC beats LSU
Gonzaga beats Western Kentucky
Syracuse beats Arizona St.
Oklahoma squeaks past Michigan
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
NCAA Picks
Alright, the first round is upon us. So many games, so many updates and buzzer beaters but because of the intense action we are not going in depth on every game. Big upsets are in bold. Big upsets are when a team is more than 3 seeds lower than their opponent. Any questions, comments or concerns with our system...sorry, this was surprisingly hard to do.
Also, please do not ridicule us too much...because were probably doing better than you.
The Kickers Picks:
Midwest
Louisville beats Play-In-Winner
Siena beats Ohio State
Arizona beats Utah (See, this is a big upset because 12-5=7 which is greater than 3)
Wake Forest beats Cleveland St.
West Virgina beats Dayton
Kansas beats North Dakota St. (I would love to see NDSU win this)
Boston College beats USC
Michigan St beats Robert Morris (How does one guy, Robert Morris, make the tourney?)
West
UConn beats Chattanooga
BYU beats Texas A&M
Purdue beats Northern Iowa
Washington beats Mississippi State
Marquette beats Utah State
Missouri beats Cornell (Cornell will keep it close though)
California beats Maryland
Memphis beats Cal St. Northridge
East
Pitt beats East Tennessee St. (If Pitt loses the Tennessee teams could meet in round 2...)
Tennessee beats Oklahoma St (Sorry Cowboys, you're not that good)
Florida St beats Wisconsin (Florida St is the nations tallest team...I'm serious)
Xavier beats Portland St
VCU beats UCLA (Gotta love acronyms)
Villanova beats American (Is this an unpatriotic pick?)
Minnesota beats Texas (Tubby is a tournament coach...is that even a real thing? I say yes)
Duke beats Binghamton (PLEASE CHOKE BLUE DEVILS!)
South
UNC beats Radford
LSU beats Butler
Illinois beats Western Kentucky
Gonzaga beats Akron (I love the Akron Zips. Awesome nickname for a team)
Temple beats Arizona St. (Christmas time for Temple. That makes sense if you watch them)
Syracuse beats Stephen F. Austin (Another one man team makes it! Unreal!)
Clemson beats Michigan
Oklahoma beats Morgan St.
Juice’s Picks:
Midwest
Louisville beats Play-In-Winner
Siena beats Ohio State
Utah beats Arizona
Cleveland St. beats Wake Forest
West Virginia beats Dayton
Kansas beats North Dakota St.
Boston College beats USC
Michigan St beats Robert Morris
West
UConn beats Chattanooga
Texas A&M beats BYU
Purdue beats Northern Iowa
Washington beats Mississippi State
Utah St beats Marquette
Missouri beats Cornell
Maryland beats California
Memphis beats Cal St. Northridge
East
Pitt beats East Tennessee St.
Oklahoma St beats Tennessee
Florida St beats Wisconsin
Xavier beats Portland St
VCU beats UCLA
Villanova beats American
Texas beats Minnesota
Duke beats Binghamton South
South
UNC beats Radford
Butler beats LSU
Western Kentucky beats Illinois
Gonzaga beats Akron
Temple beats Arizona St.
Syracuse beats Stephen F. Austin
Clemson beats Michigan
Oklahoma beats Morgan St.
Also, please do not ridicule us too much...because were probably doing better than you.
The Kickers Picks:
Midwest
Louisville beats Play-In-Winner
Siena beats Ohio State
Arizona beats Utah (See, this is a big upset because 12-5=7 which is greater than 3)
Wake Forest beats Cleveland St.
West Virgina beats Dayton
Kansas beats North Dakota St. (I would love to see NDSU win this)
Boston College beats USC
Michigan St beats Robert Morris (How does one guy, Robert Morris, make the tourney?)
West
UConn beats Chattanooga
BYU beats Texas A&M
Purdue beats Northern Iowa
Washington beats Mississippi State
Marquette beats Utah State
Missouri beats Cornell (Cornell will keep it close though)
California beats Maryland
Memphis beats Cal St. Northridge
East
Pitt beats East Tennessee St. (If Pitt loses the Tennessee teams could meet in round 2...)
Tennessee beats Oklahoma St (Sorry Cowboys, you're not that good)
Florida St beats Wisconsin (Florida St is the nations tallest team...I'm serious)
Xavier beats Portland St
VCU beats UCLA (Gotta love acronyms)
Villanova beats American (Is this an unpatriotic pick?)
Minnesota beats Texas (Tubby is a tournament coach...is that even a real thing? I say yes)
Duke beats Binghamton (PLEASE CHOKE BLUE DEVILS!)
South
UNC beats Radford
LSU beats Butler
Illinois beats Western Kentucky
Gonzaga beats Akron (I love the Akron Zips. Awesome nickname for a team)
Temple beats Arizona St. (Christmas time for Temple. That makes sense if you watch them)
Syracuse beats Stephen F. Austin (Another one man team makes it! Unreal!)
Clemson beats Michigan
Oklahoma beats Morgan St.
Juice’s Picks:
Midwest
Louisville beats Play-In-Winner
Siena beats Ohio State
Utah beats Arizona
Cleveland St. beats Wake Forest
West Virginia beats Dayton
Kansas beats North Dakota St.
Boston College beats USC
Michigan St beats Robert Morris
West
UConn beats Chattanooga
Texas A&M beats BYU
Purdue beats Northern Iowa
Washington beats Mississippi State
Utah St beats Marquette
Missouri beats Cornell
Maryland beats California
Memphis beats Cal St. Northridge
East
Pitt beats East Tennessee St.
Oklahoma St beats Tennessee
Florida St beats Wisconsin
Xavier beats Portland St
VCU beats UCLA
Villanova beats American
Texas beats Minnesota
Duke beats Binghamton South
South
UNC beats Radford
Butler beats LSU
Western Kentucky beats Illinois
Gonzaga beats Akron
Temple beats Arizona St.
Syracuse beats Stephen F. Austin
Clemson beats Michigan
Oklahoma beats Morgan St.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Busty Sleepers
This isn't nearly as sexy as the title would imply, it just made me smile. Although, C.C. Sabathia is pretty busty, so that's something.
As promised, I'm going to run through a few fantasy baseball sleepers and busts to round out my 2009 fantasy baseball extravaganza. Yes. Extravaganza.
Also, just so you are mentally prepared, the rest of this week will be basically dedicated to March madness. So you've got that to look forward to.
Let's start with the sleepers:
Kevin Slowey (Twins)
Kicking things off is my homer sleeper du jour. Slowey is going to have a big year this year. Now, big is all relative, I'm not saying he'll win the Cy Young or anything, but if 13 to 16 wins and an ERA somewhere in the high 3.00s or low 4.00s is something you might be interested in, then allow me to introduce Mr. Slowey.
Stephen Drew (Diamondbacks)
Yes, I do feel dirty having a Drew on this list; but at least this Drew doesn't have the back of a 90 year old. Plus here are a few numbers for you: 44 doubles, 11 triples, 21 homers. Those are a few Stephen numbers from 2008. He is entering his third full season in the league and is poised to take off. Plus, one of the Drews has to live up to his potential eventually, right?
Adam Jones (Orioles)
(Insert Pacman joke here.) There. We got that out of the way. Now let me just tell you Jones is my, let’s call it, "super sleeper" of the year. I'm not saying he's going to be a top ten player or anything, but he will hit for good power with lots of speed and a solid batting average. And, for where he will go in the draft, he is definitley worth picking up; a lot of upside with Mr. Jones.
Aaron Harang (Reds)
Harang was absolutely awful last year. I know because he was on my fantasy team. Before you judge, though, look at his stats from 2007 and 2007. He was wildly underrated back then and I say he has a bounce back year. So there.
Prince Fielder (Brewers)
Now I will admit I have a personal vendetta against Fielder. He may very well be my least favorite athlete in the world. I just thought you should know that before you take my advice about a guy who hit 50 home runs two years ago - which, by the way, helped win The Kicker and I like $400 in fantasy, so I don't hate him for screwing me over, I hate him because he seems like a terrible person. Plus he regressed in EVERY statistical category last year. I foresee that trend continuing.
Well, that is my list of sleepers and busts. I look forward to you all mocking me in a few months when it turns out my choices failed spectacularly.
-Juice
As promised, I'm going to run through a few fantasy baseball sleepers and busts to round out my 2009 fantasy baseball extravaganza. Yes. Extravaganza.
Also, just so you are mentally prepared, the rest of this week will be basically dedicated to March madness. So you've got that to look forward to.
Let's start with the sleepers:
Kevin Slowey (Twins)Kicking things off is my homer sleeper du jour. Slowey is going to have a big year this year. Now, big is all relative, I'm not saying he'll win the Cy Young or anything, but if 13 to 16 wins and an ERA somewhere in the high 3.00s or low 4.00s is something you might be interested in, then allow me to introduce Mr. Slowey.
Stephen Drew (Diamondbacks)
Yes, I do feel dirty having a Drew on this list; but at least this Drew doesn't have the back of a 90 year old. Plus here are a few numbers for you: 44 doubles, 11 triples, 21 homers. Those are a few Stephen numbers from 2008. He is entering his third full season in the league and is poised to take off. Plus, one of the Drews has to live up to his potential eventually, right?
Adam Jones (Orioles)
(Insert Pacman joke here.) There. We got that out of the way. Now let me just tell you Jones is my, let’s call it, "super sleeper" of the year. I'm not saying he's going to be a top ten player or anything, but he will hit for good power with lots of speed and a solid batting average. And, for where he will go in the draft, he is definitley worth picking up; a lot of upside with Mr. Jones.
Aaron Harang (Reds)
Harang was absolutely awful last year. I know because he was on my fantasy team. Before you judge, though, look at his stats from 2007 and 2007. He was wildly underrated back then and I say he has a bounce back year. So there.
Lastings Milledge OR Elijah Dukes (Nationals)
But not both. One of them will have a good year and one of them will not. Choose one. I'm leaning towards Dukes, mostly because he scares me. Just, whatever you do, don't draft both of them because you will ruin the magic, consequently sucking them into a vortex of mediocrity. Do you really want that on your conscience?
Those are few of my sleepers, not necessarily all, but a few. I'm not giving them all to you because, well, do your own damn research you lazy bastard.
Anyhoo, on to the busts:
Felix Hernandez (Mariners)
He drives me crazy. Seriously. I draft him every year thinking he will finally break out, and he disappoints me every year. And you know what? I'll probably ignore my own advice and do it again. Damn you King Felix, damn you.
But not both. One of them will have a good year and one of them will not. Choose one. I'm leaning towards Dukes, mostly because he scares me. Just, whatever you do, don't draft both of them because you will ruin the magic, consequently sucking them into a vortex of mediocrity. Do you really want that on your conscience?
Those are few of my sleepers, not necessarily all, but a few. I'm not giving them all to you because, well, do your own damn research you lazy bastard.
Anyhoo, on to the busts:
Felix Hernandez (Mariners)
He drives me crazy. Seriously. I draft him every year thinking he will finally break out, and he disappoints me every year. And you know what? I'll probably ignore my own advice and do it again. Damn you King Felix, damn you.
Ichiro Suzuki (Mariners)
Hey look I used his last name. More importantly, though, guess how old Ichiro is. Just guess. Don't cheat. Ready? Ready for this? Ready?
36.
He is going to start losing a step eventually, causing a drop in both steals and batting average; essentially making him worthless fantasy-wise. I say this is the year.
Hey look I used his last name. More importantly, though, guess how old Ichiro is. Just guess. Don't cheat. Ready? Ready for this? Ready?
36.
He is going to start losing a step eventually, causing a drop in both steals and batting average; essentially making him worthless fantasy-wise. I say this is the year.
Any Yankees Starting Pitcher (Yankees, obviously)
Here is the Yankee rotation:
1. Massively overweight
2. Always injured
3. Euphemism for penis
4. Old
5. Possibly a felon
Hey. Good luck with that.
Matt Wieters (Orioles)
I think he will be very good eventually. The key word being EVENTUALLY. Take a look at his minor league stats, they are literally jaw dropping. Seriously I had to pry my jaw off the floor. It just isn't his time yet.
Here is the Yankee rotation:
1. Massively overweight
2. Always injured
3. Euphemism for penis
4. Old
5. Possibly a felon
Hey. Good luck with that.
Matt Wieters (Orioles)
I think he will be very good eventually. The key word being EVENTUALLY. Take a look at his minor league stats, they are literally jaw dropping. Seriously I had to pry my jaw off the floor. It just isn't his time yet.
Prince Fielder (Brewers)Now I will admit I have a personal vendetta against Fielder. He may very well be my least favorite athlete in the world. I just thought you should know that before you take my advice about a guy who hit 50 home runs two years ago - which, by the way, helped win The Kicker and I like $400 in fantasy, so I don't hate him for screwing me over, I hate him because he seems like a terrible person. Plus he regressed in EVERY statistical category last year. I foresee that trend continuing.
Well, that is my list of sleepers and busts. I look forward to you all mocking me in a few months when it turns out my choices failed spectacularly.
-Juice
NCAA: The Tourney Begins
I love March Madness.
I love every moment from the first tip of a mid-major conference playoff to the final buzzer of the National Championship game. I love every single moment of the underdogs trying to keep it close to create the "buzz" in the arena to the T.V. networks switching from game to game to appeal to the A.D.D. era of sports fans.
But most of all, I love the fact that its a true playoff, every team has a chance to make it when the season starts unlike the BCS. I love that its amateur athletes who care enough to play 6 OT's on Friday, after playing a game Thursday and they come back out and win another overtime game on Saturday (Syracuse deserves respect, especially Jonny Flynn who played 67 minutes in the marathon 6 OT game).
As I look back on the season and look forward to the tournament there are some astounding stats. The numbers players put up like Oklahoma forward Blake Griffin setting a school record for double-doubles when there was still 10 games left to play or Ben Woodside from North Dakota State scoring 60 points in one game and no one hearing a word about it. (He made 30 free throws, one shy of the all-time record).
I look forward to the tournament. It's a wide open field. If anyone can tell you there is a favorite, they are stupid, lying or both. University of North Carolina is the current number 1 in the nation. However, they have injury concerns, have lost games and are overall unimpressive compared to past champions.
Oklahoma was my favorite for a long time until they got knocked off early in their conference tourney. Louisville suffered losses early and Duke suffered them late. The Big East has Connecticut and Pittsburgh but my grandma pointed out the Big East struggles because of their brutal schedule (I'm serious, we had a lengthy conversation about it while watching the Big Ten tournament).
Then you have the surprise teams like Memphis, Kansas, Georgetown and Notre Dame. No one expected Memphis or Kansas to be back as tournament contenders but freshman standout Tyreke Evans (please let the Timberwolves draft him) has led Memphis to a top 5 ranking and Kansas center Cole Aldrich (should be playing for the Gophers, he left before Tubby came) is going to be a lottery pick but is an experience big man who can control the game on both ends. Georgetown and Notre Dame fell victim to the impossibly hard Big East and these preseason top 25's fail to make the tournament.
However, my favorite story is Kentucky who forced out Tubby Smith but is now on the outside looking in and will not make the tournament, ending a 17 year run. But Tubby and his Gophers are going to be in and everyone loves that the team who dismisses there hall of fame coach is on the way down.
I cannot tell you who will win it all, I cannot promise a 16 seed FINALLY wins a game and I cannot even come close to picking a perfect bracket. I might fill mine out based on mascots, conference affiliations or coolest player names (Cheif Kickingstallionsims is not in the tournament I don't think). But I can tell you I will be watching every possible game, having a half dozen gamecast open as my computer hums along into the wee hours of the night.
-The Kicker
P.S. If you're wondering we will be posting some picks, upsets and locks when the brackets are released so you will get the chance to not only mock me, but also Juice
I love every moment from the first tip of a mid-major conference playoff to the final buzzer of the National Championship game. I love every single moment of the underdogs trying to keep it close to create the "buzz" in the arena to the T.V. networks switching from game to game to appeal to the A.D.D. era of sports fans.
But most of all, I love the fact that its a true playoff, every team has a chance to make it when the season starts unlike the BCS. I love that its amateur athletes who care enough to play 6 OT's on Friday, after playing a game Thursday and they come back out and win another overtime game on Saturday (Syracuse deserves respect, especially Jonny Flynn who played 67 minutes in the marathon 6 OT game).
As I look back on the season and look forward to the tournament there are some astounding stats. The numbers players put up like Oklahoma forward Blake Griffin setting a school record for double-doubles when there was still 10 games left to play or Ben Woodside from North Dakota State scoring 60 points in one game and no one hearing a word about it. (He made 30 free throws, one shy of the all-time record).
I look forward to the tournament. It's a wide open field. If anyone can tell you there is a favorite, they are stupid, lying or both. University of North Carolina is the current number 1 in the nation. However, they have injury concerns, have lost games and are overall unimpressive compared to past champions.
Oklahoma was my favorite for a long time until they got knocked off early in their conference tourney. Louisville suffered losses early and Duke suffered them late. The Big East has Connecticut and Pittsburgh but my grandma pointed out the Big East struggles because of their brutal schedule (I'm serious, we had a lengthy conversation about it while watching the Big Ten tournament).
Then you have the surprise teams like Memphis, Kansas, Georgetown and Notre Dame. No one expected Memphis or Kansas to be back as tournament contenders but freshman standout Tyreke Evans (please let the Timberwolves draft him) has led Memphis to a top 5 ranking and Kansas center Cole Aldrich (should be playing for the Gophers, he left before Tubby came) is going to be a lottery pick but is an experience big man who can control the game on both ends. Georgetown and Notre Dame fell victim to the impossibly hard Big East and these preseason top 25's fail to make the tournament.
However, my favorite story is Kentucky who forced out Tubby Smith but is now on the outside looking in and will not make the tournament, ending a 17 year run. But Tubby and his Gophers are going to be in and everyone loves that the team who dismisses there hall of fame coach is on the way down.
I cannot tell you who will win it all, I cannot promise a 16 seed FINALLY wins a game and I cannot even come close to picking a perfect bracket. I might fill mine out based on mascots, conference affiliations or coolest player names (Cheif Kickingstallionsims is not in the tournament I don't think). But I can tell you I will be watching every possible game, having a half dozen gamecast open as my computer hums along into the wee hours of the night.
-The Kicker
P.S. If you're wondering we will be posting some picks, upsets and locks when the brackets are released so you will get the chance to not only mock me, but also Juice
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Random Thoughts...
...Probably not the best idea ever. Although, in his defense, who can stand being around kids for an entire day without a little pick-me-up? (Juice)
...Why does the NBA even bother having games during March? No one is going to watch the NBA unless the cheerleaders are naked and even then it really depends on what college basketball games are on. (The Kicker)
...So one of my classes is a once a week night class called "Document Design and Graphics. Basically it is an introductory graphic design class. Using software I have never used before, we had to create a poster for this class. Fine, whatever. The problem is I don't have the software on my computer so I had to use the campus computer labs to create, and print off the document. The problem with this is it costs $2.50 to print off an 11 x 17 color document, which is what the assignment called for. It took me like two hours to get the damn thing to print and I had to run off two copies (neither one correct), so naturally that pissed me off. After all this frustration I was late for class (by like an hour) and when I showed up the class was just leaving. So I went up to my instructor and explained why I wasn't in class and the technical difficulties I was having, and gave him an 8 x 11 copy of what my poster was supposed to look like, as well as an 11 x 17 copy of the technically challenged poster. I figured this would be sufficient since I actually did all the work. He proceeds to explain that I should just hand another copy the next day of the actual 11 x 17 poster. Well, at this point I must have been giving him the "are-you-fucking-serious" face because he said "is that ok?" So I say "Well the thing is I already spent money to print off these copies so I was hoping this would be enough." And he responds "The trial and error of printing things off is part of the cost for this class." Oh really? I thought it was the fucking $70 computer fee for using the labs and the $12 sketch book we had to buy for the class. My mistake. Anyway, so I ended up having to print off another copy the next day which cost me another $2.50. All in all I spent like $10 on this one assignment. Needless to say, I'm slightly annoyed. (Juice)
...As a followup to my last thought I would just like to note that I hate that class. Mostly because I hate art. I don't like drawing, I don't like painting, and I certainly don't like designing crap on computers. Hell, I don't even like looking at paintings. They are boring. A picture is, in fact, not worth 1000 words. 1000 words is worth 1000 words. You sir (or ma'am) are just a simple minded jackass that splashed some colors on a piece of paper. I have a Sopranos poster on my wall and that is plenty moving, thank you very much. I don't need some "masterpiece" to go with it. (Juice)
...Is there a better name in the history of sports than Chief Runningstallionsims? (Senior, Center, Alabama State Hornets) Well, here is a list of the top college basketball names for 2008-2009(The Kicker)
...I did some research and found very offensive, awkward and downright funny names. A favorite of the site is Rusty Kuntz (MLB) but other classics include God Shammgod (Providence basketball), Ray Kuntz (Notre Dame football), Danny Shittu (Nigerian soccer), Peter LaCock (MLB), Gregor Fucka (Yugoslavian basketball), Urban Shocker (1920 Yankees), Dick Pole (MLB pitcher), Johnny Dickshot (1937 Pittsburgh Pirates) and last but certainly not least Majestic Mapp (Virginia basketball). There were plenty more but I am lazy, find them on your own and make a comment. Maybe you'll get a prize. (The Kicker)
...I find it hard to believe that Roger Federer can't do better. (Juice)
...Three brief comments on Women "sports":
Comment 1: Oklahoma "woman" forward Cortney Paris promised to pay back her scholarship if her team didn't win the NCAA Tournament (I mentioned before they have a tournament so this should be a surprise) Her team lost to Connecticut by 28 earlier this year. UConn just beat number 5 by 40. "Mrs." Paris, start saving some money.
Comment 2: Women's "pro" soccer is a league starting this summer. Good timing to start a league that will struggle to make money. Tons of sponsors are willing to lose money right now, every company is doing great.
Comment 3: I will try really really hard to not post about women "sports" again. (The Kicker)
...Is there a more hit or miss band than the Red Hot Chili Peppers? Their songs are either incredibly good or unbearably bad. There is no in between. (Juice)
...Don't forget to have some pi today. (Juice - courtesy of one Dan Johnson)
...Why does the NBA even bother having games during March? No one is going to watch the NBA unless the cheerleaders are naked and even then it really depends on what college basketball games are on. (The Kicker)
...So one of my classes is a once a week night class called "Document Design and Graphics. Basically it is an introductory graphic design class. Using software I have never used before, we had to create a poster for this class. Fine, whatever. The problem is I don't have the software on my computer so I had to use the campus computer labs to create, and print off the document. The problem with this is it costs $2.50 to print off an 11 x 17 color document, which is what the assignment called for. It took me like two hours to get the damn thing to print and I had to run off two copies (neither one correct), so naturally that pissed me off. After all this frustration I was late for class (by like an hour) and when I showed up the class was just leaving. So I went up to my instructor and explained why I wasn't in class and the technical difficulties I was having, and gave him an 8 x 11 copy of what my poster was supposed to look like, as well as an 11 x 17 copy of the technically challenged poster. I figured this would be sufficient since I actually did all the work. He proceeds to explain that I should just hand another copy the next day of the actual 11 x 17 poster. Well, at this point I must have been giving him the "are-you-fucking-serious" face because he said "is that ok?" So I say "Well the thing is I already spent money to print off these copies so I was hoping this would be enough." And he responds "The trial and error of printing things off is part of the cost for this class." Oh really? I thought it was the fucking $70 computer fee for using the labs and the $12 sketch book we had to buy for the class. My mistake. Anyway, so I ended up having to print off another copy the next day which cost me another $2.50. All in all I spent like $10 on this one assignment. Needless to say, I'm slightly annoyed. (Juice)
...As a followup to my last thought I would just like to note that I hate that class. Mostly because I hate art. I don't like drawing, I don't like painting, and I certainly don't like designing crap on computers. Hell, I don't even like looking at paintings. They are boring. A picture is, in fact, not worth 1000 words. 1000 words is worth 1000 words. You sir (or ma'am) are just a simple minded jackass that splashed some colors on a piece of paper. I have a Sopranos poster on my wall and that is plenty moving, thank you very much. I don't need some "masterpiece" to go with it. (Juice)
...Is there a better name in the history of sports than Chief Runningstallionsims? (Senior, Center, Alabama State Hornets) Well, here is a list of the top college basketball names for 2008-2009(The Kicker)
...I did some research and found very offensive, awkward and downright funny names. A favorite of the site is Rusty Kuntz (MLB) but other classics include God Shammgod (Providence basketball), Ray Kuntz (Notre Dame football), Danny Shittu (Nigerian soccer), Peter LaCock (MLB), Gregor Fucka (Yugoslavian basketball), Urban Shocker (1920 Yankees), Dick Pole (MLB pitcher), Johnny Dickshot (1937 Pittsburgh Pirates) and last but certainly not least Majestic Mapp (Virginia basketball). There were plenty more but I am lazy, find them on your own and make a comment. Maybe you'll get a prize. (The Kicker)
...I find it hard to believe that Roger Federer can't do better. (Juice)
...Three brief comments on Women "sports":
Comment 1: Oklahoma "woman" forward Cortney Paris promised to pay back her scholarship if her team didn't win the NCAA Tournament (I mentioned before they have a tournament so this should be a surprise) Her team lost to Connecticut by 28 earlier this year. UConn just beat number 5 by 40. "Mrs." Paris, start saving some money.
Comment 2: Women's "pro" soccer is a league starting this summer. Good timing to start a league that will struggle to make money. Tons of sponsors are willing to lose money right now, every company is doing great.
Comment 3: I will try really really hard to not post about women "sports" again. (The Kicker)
...Is there a more hit or miss band than the Red Hot Chili Peppers? Their songs are either incredibly good or unbearably bad. There is no in between. (Juice)
...Don't forget to have some pi today. (Juice - courtesy of one Dan Johnson)
Friday, March 13, 2009
Friday Top Ten: Most Overrated Movies
Here are the three ways I have defined "overrated:"
1. Moves that have achieved more critical success than they deserve.
2. Movies that have achieved more commercial success than they deserve.
Basically, any movie that is either popular with critics or the ignorant masses (or both), is a candidate for "overrated."
So let's jump right in.
10. Star Wars Trilogy
Let me start by saying I am a Star Wars fan. I mean it’s freaking Star Wars. However the reason everybody loves Star Wars is because of the nostalgia and aura the movies manifest, not because they are actually high quality films. The reality is they are campy, contrived, and incredibly formulaic. And that, ladies and gentleman, is exactly what makes them overrated. (I’m talking only about the original trilogy, by the way. Everybody knows the three new ones suck.)
9. The Aviator
I’m a Leonard DiCaprio fan. I think he is the best actor in Hollywood right now, and he was excellent as Howard Hughes in The Aviator. The movie itself though? Excruciatingly boring. I’d rather watch hockey than sit through that three hour snooze fest again. Kate Beckinsale is smoking hot though; so that’s something. I guess.
8. 25th Hour
I’m not sure if this movie is actually popular, but I know several people who liked it, and it has a 7.9 rating on IMDB so I’ll assume it is - at least relatively speaking. Me? I hate this movie. It failed magnificently at everything it tried to achieve. Watch it and you will know what I’m talking about. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, well that just means I’m smarter than you. How do you like them apples?
By the way if people actually like this movie, please let me know and I’ll move it up, because, well, I want to spite you.
7. 12 Monkeys
How the hell is this movie number 186 on IMDB’s top 250 movies? Seriously? How? Admittedly, I do not like science fiction, so I was leery of 12 Monkeys before I even watched it. My skepticism was rewarded, however, when the movie tried to force feed me all its political and social commentary. Unfortunately for director David Gilliam and crew, 12 Monkeys was so bad I vomited right after it ended.
6. Raising Arizona
First off, the fact that the Coens even agreed to work with Nicolas Cage is unbelievable. Coens = good. Cage = bad. Hence, one would expect Coens + Cage = Mediocre. Right? Wrong. Coens + Cage = Awful. Someone who is good at math should explain how this works, because I love most Coens movies. Is Nicolas Cage just that horrible? Apparently.
5. Superbad
40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up are about a thousand times funnier than Superbad. I just don’t understand the Superbad phenomenon. I laughed at most twice. Seriously. I think the problem with Superbad is Seth Rogen had a smaller role than Jonah Hill, and Jonah Hill is annoying.
4. Braveheart/Gladiator/Troy/300/etc.
I lumped these all together because otherwise this entire list would be comprised of these stupid middle age/medieval/whatever war movies. And, let’s be honest, they are all basically the same. I get it; half naked guys with giant swords battle each other to the death and spout some catchphrases. I just don’t understand why this always takes three hours. By the way, the worst buyer’s remorse I’ve ever felt was paying $12 to see 300 in IMAX. Not to mention we had to drive 40 minutes to get to the theatre. Worse movie experience of my life. Well, other than that time I wandered into a gay porn theatre, but that’s a whole other story…
3. The Matrix
Oooohhh we live in a parallel universe with cool special effects. Congrat-u-freaking-lations. You do realize that Keanu Reeves was the main character in this movie right? Like you know that is him? Let’s just move on because everything about this movie makes me sad.
2. Little Miss Sunshine
Little Miss Sunshine was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I’m not even kidding. Why does everybody like this movie? Please explain. I demand at least one person step forward and explain in the comments section what makes this movie good. I never laughed once. And if you cite the dance Abigail Breslin’s character does at the end of the movie, I’m banning you from the blog. So come up with something else.
(Note: I’m just kidding, I won't actually ban you. We need all the readers we can get. Please don’t leave.)
1. Fight Club
I don’t get it. Not the movie itself, I get that. What I don’t understand is why everybody loves Fight Club. Is this just because it is one of those movies that people are “supposed to” love? Here’s the problem with that: Fight Club isn't just simply overrated, it is a bad movie. The entire concept is stupid and forced. If you want to watch a bunch of guys beat the crap out of each other that is fine, but turn on ultimate fighting or boxing. At least that is real. And by the way the “twist,” at the end of Fight Club isn’t sweet. It isn’t smart. It isn’t revolutionary. It is ridiculously, unbelievably, unfathomably awful. I have never been so pissed watching movie than during the ending of Fight Club. It makes me angry just thinking about it.
Honorable Mention:
V for Vendetta
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Casino
Pirates of the Caribbean
1. Moves that have achieved more critical success than they deserve.
2. Movies that have achieved more commercial success than they deserve.
Basically, any movie that is either popular with critics or the ignorant masses (or both), is a candidate for "overrated."
So let's jump right in.
10. Star Wars Trilogy
Let me start by saying I am a Star Wars fan. I mean it’s freaking Star Wars. However the reason everybody loves Star Wars is because of the nostalgia and aura the movies manifest, not because they are actually high quality films. The reality is they are campy, contrived, and incredibly formulaic. And that, ladies and gentleman, is exactly what makes them overrated. (I’m talking only about the original trilogy, by the way. Everybody knows the three new ones suck.)
9. The Aviator
I’m a Leonard DiCaprio fan. I think he is the best actor in Hollywood right now, and he was excellent as Howard Hughes in The Aviator. The movie itself though? Excruciatingly boring. I’d rather watch hockey than sit through that three hour snooze fest again. Kate Beckinsale is smoking hot though; so that’s something. I guess.
8. 25th Hour
I’m not sure if this movie is actually popular, but I know several people who liked it, and it has a 7.9 rating on IMDB so I’ll assume it is - at least relatively speaking. Me? I hate this movie. It failed magnificently at everything it tried to achieve. Watch it and you will know what I’m talking about. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, well that just means I’m smarter than you. How do you like them apples?
By the way if people actually like this movie, please let me know and I’ll move it up, because, well, I want to spite you.
7. 12 Monkeys
How the hell is this movie number 186 on IMDB’s top 250 movies? Seriously? How? Admittedly, I do not like science fiction, so I was leery of 12 Monkeys before I even watched it. My skepticism was rewarded, however, when the movie tried to force feed me all its political and social commentary. Unfortunately for director David Gilliam and crew, 12 Monkeys was so bad I vomited right after it ended.
6. Raising Arizona
First off, the fact that the Coens even agreed to work with Nicolas Cage is unbelievable. Coens = good. Cage = bad. Hence, one would expect Coens + Cage = Mediocre. Right? Wrong. Coens + Cage = Awful. Someone who is good at math should explain how this works, because I love most Coens movies. Is Nicolas Cage just that horrible? Apparently.
5. Superbad
40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up are about a thousand times funnier than Superbad. I just don’t understand the Superbad phenomenon. I laughed at most twice. Seriously. I think the problem with Superbad is Seth Rogen had a smaller role than Jonah Hill, and Jonah Hill is annoying.
4. Braveheart/Gladiator/Troy/300/etc.
I lumped these all together because otherwise this entire list would be comprised of these stupid middle age/medieval/whatever war movies. And, let’s be honest, they are all basically the same. I get it; half naked guys with giant swords battle each other to the death and spout some catchphrases. I just don’t understand why this always takes three hours. By the way, the worst buyer’s remorse I’ve ever felt was paying $12 to see 300 in IMAX. Not to mention we had to drive 40 minutes to get to the theatre. Worse movie experience of my life. Well, other than that time I wandered into a gay porn theatre, but that’s a whole other story…
3. The Matrix
Oooohhh we live in a parallel universe with cool special effects. Congrat-u-freaking-lations. You do realize that Keanu Reeves was the main character in this movie right? Like you know that is him? Let’s just move on because everything about this movie makes me sad.
2. Little Miss Sunshine
Little Miss Sunshine was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I’m not even kidding. Why does everybody like this movie? Please explain. I demand at least one person step forward and explain in the comments section what makes this movie good. I never laughed once. And if you cite the dance Abigail Breslin’s character does at the end of the movie, I’m banning you from the blog. So come up with something else.
(Note: I’m just kidding, I won't actually ban you. We need all the readers we can get. Please don’t leave.)
1. Fight Club
I don’t get it. Not the movie itself, I get that. What I don’t understand is why everybody loves Fight Club. Is this just because it is one of those movies that people are “supposed to” love? Here’s the problem with that: Fight Club isn't just simply overrated, it is a bad movie. The entire concept is stupid and forced. If you want to watch a bunch of guys beat the crap out of each other that is fine, but turn on ultimate fighting or boxing. At least that is real. And by the way the “twist,” at the end of Fight Club isn’t sweet. It isn’t smart. It isn’t revolutionary. It is ridiculously, unbelievably, unfathomably awful. I have never been so pissed watching movie than during the ending of Fight Club. It makes me angry just thinking about it.
Honorable Mention:
V for Vendetta
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Casino
Pirates of the Caribbean
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Fantasy Baseball Preview
I'm in the fantasy frame of mind - fantasy baseball, not some weird sexual thing you sicko. Actually the fact is there isn't a whole lot going on right now and I need something to write about. So I'm going to run through the top fantasy player by position. Hoo ha!
Catcher: Brian McCann
Good batting average. Good power. Good OPS. GREAT beard. And as much as I like Turtle from Entourage look-a-like Russell Martin, McCann is slightly better over all. Although no catcher is worth being taken until at least the fourth round. And, if you are wondering, I didn't forget Joe Mauer. His health is in question and he doesn't have the power of McCann or the speed of Martin; although he is definitely the dreamiest.
First Base: Albert Pujols
He's the best hitter in baseball. ‘Nuff said.
Second Base: Dustin Pedroia
Allow me to defend myself here. I LOVE Chase Utely. Like in a borderline inappropriate way. However, as it stands, Pedroia is the safest pick at second base. Utley is coming off offseason hip surgery, which is enough to make anyone nervous. In fact, I might take Ian Kinsler before Utley this year, depending on where they go in the draft; and, for that matter, I would at least be willing to listen to the argument of Kinsler over Pedroia. I would just like one more big year from Kinsler so I am 100% sure last year wasn’t a fluke. Pedroia is the safest bet this year.
Third Base: David Wright
Speed. Power. OBP. Wright basically can do it all. Plus he isn't a tool like Miguel Cabrera (who will likely be listed as 1B/3B in most leagues even though he is barely fast enough to play first, which doesn’t bode well for third).
Shortstop: Hanley Ramirez
He should be your number one pick overall. He's like Jose Reyes if Reyes were actually good. Ok, that isn't fair. But Jose Reyes is very, very overrated. Remember a few years ago when Carl Crawford would constantly go too high in fantasy drafts because everyone thought eventually he would hit .330 with 20 hrs to go along with 50 steals? Yeah. That didn't happen. Ladies and gentleman meet the new Carl Crawford....JOSE REYES!
Outfield: 1. Ryan Braun 2. Josh Hamilton 3. Grady Sizemore
I don't like Sizemore. He's overrated as an ACTUAL player, but very good as a FANTASY player. It just bothers me that so many people consider him one of the best players in baseball and he can barely break a .270 avg. I realize batting average isn't everything, but it is still bothersome.
As for Braun and Hamilton, they may be the most talented hitters in baseball. Not the best, but the most talented. Plus if you aren't rooting for Hamilton (even though he is absolutely insane) you are a jerk. Also read his book. The writing is laughably simple, but it is an interesting read nonetheless. And you will understand what I mean when I call him insane.
Starting Pitcher: Tim Lincecum
Or, as he is called here, Tim "Line-of-Cum." Yes. Gross. But if you can't get on board with a guy who is 5-11 175 lbs and looks like he should be playing in the Little League World Series, well then I'm sorry you just have no hope. He isn't even 25 yet and he is already the best pitcher and baseball.
Relief Pitcher: Jonathon Pabelbon
I love the intense Papelbon stare. Absolutely love it. Not as much as I love asking people if they "have their Papelboner" when he pitches, but it's definitley close. As much as I like Joe Nathan, I'm still mad at him for helping choke away the end of the season for the Twins last year. Plus, Papelbon is slightly better anyway.
Now, I know what you are thinking, who cares who is the best at each position? Brian McCann isn’t worth taking in the first or second round. Yes, that is true, but it is still nice to have an idea what an ideal (although virtually impossible) fantasy roster would look like. And, just to appease you here is a list of my top ten players. Basically, these are the guys I would consider taking with a first round pick.
1. Hanley Ramirez
2. Albert Pujols
3. David Wright
4. Ryan Braun
5. Josh Hamilton
6. Grady Sizemore
7. Miguel Cabrera
8. Mark Teixera
9. Jose Reyes (yes, he is overrated but he steals bases and scores runs. I just won’t take him because he’ll never drop this far)
10. Tim Lincecum
Well there you have it. Now draft away faithful readers.
-Juice
Catcher: Brian McCann
Good batting average. Good power. Good OPS. GREAT beard. And as much as I like Turtle from Entourage look-a-like Russell Martin, McCann is slightly better over all. Although no catcher is worth being taken until at least the fourth round. And, if you are wondering, I didn't forget Joe Mauer. His health is in question and he doesn't have the power of McCann or the speed of Martin; although he is definitely the dreamiest.
First Base: Albert Pujols
He's the best hitter in baseball. ‘Nuff said.
Second Base: Dustin Pedroia
Allow me to defend myself here. I LOVE Chase Utely. Like in a borderline inappropriate way. However, as it stands, Pedroia is the safest pick at second base. Utley is coming off offseason hip surgery, which is enough to make anyone nervous. In fact, I might take Ian Kinsler before Utley this year, depending on where they go in the draft; and, for that matter, I would at least be willing to listen to the argument of Kinsler over Pedroia. I would just like one more big year from Kinsler so I am 100% sure last year wasn’t a fluke. Pedroia is the safest bet this year.
Third Base: David Wright
Speed. Power. OBP. Wright basically can do it all. Plus he isn't a tool like Miguel Cabrera (who will likely be listed as 1B/3B in most leagues even though he is barely fast enough to play first, which doesn’t bode well for third).
Shortstop: Hanley Ramirez
He should be your number one pick overall. He's like Jose Reyes if Reyes were actually good. Ok, that isn't fair. But Jose Reyes is very, very overrated. Remember a few years ago when Carl Crawford would constantly go too high in fantasy drafts because everyone thought eventually he would hit .330 with 20 hrs to go along with 50 steals? Yeah. That didn't happen. Ladies and gentleman meet the new Carl Crawford....JOSE REYES!
Outfield: 1. Ryan Braun 2. Josh Hamilton 3. Grady Sizemore
I don't like Sizemore. He's overrated as an ACTUAL player, but very good as a FANTASY player. It just bothers me that so many people consider him one of the best players in baseball and he can barely break a .270 avg. I realize batting average isn't everything, but it is still bothersome.
As for Braun and Hamilton, they may be the most talented hitters in baseball. Not the best, but the most talented. Plus if you aren't rooting for Hamilton (even though he is absolutely insane) you are a jerk. Also read his book. The writing is laughably simple, but it is an interesting read nonetheless. And you will understand what I mean when I call him insane.
Starting Pitcher: Tim Lincecum
Or, as he is called here, Tim "Line-of-Cum." Yes. Gross. But if you can't get on board with a guy who is 5-11 175 lbs and looks like he should be playing in the Little League World Series, well then I'm sorry you just have no hope. He isn't even 25 yet and he is already the best pitcher and baseball.
Relief Pitcher: Jonathon Pabelbon
I love the intense Papelbon stare. Absolutely love it. Not as much as I love asking people if they "have their Papelboner" when he pitches, but it's definitley close. As much as I like Joe Nathan, I'm still mad at him for helping choke away the end of the season for the Twins last year. Plus, Papelbon is slightly better anyway.
Now, I know what you are thinking, who cares who is the best at each position? Brian McCann isn’t worth taking in the first or second round. Yes, that is true, but it is still nice to have an idea what an ideal (although virtually impossible) fantasy roster would look like. And, just to appease you here is a list of my top ten players. Basically, these are the guys I would consider taking with a first round pick.
1. Hanley Ramirez
2. Albert Pujols
3. David Wright
4. Ryan Braun
5. Josh Hamilton
6. Grady Sizemore
7. Miguel Cabrera
8. Mark Teixera
9. Jose Reyes (yes, he is overrated but he steals bases and scores runs. I just won’t take him because he’ll never drop this far)
10. Tim Lincecum
Well there you have it. Now draft away faithful readers.
-Juice
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
World Baseball Classic
I just want to state, before I begin, for all the meteorologists out there reading this post, please know that you should stop overreacting to weather reports. If you go on a rant about how we are about to get a giant blizzard that will dump at least 7-14 inches of snow and essentially knock out everything in town, you better be damn sure we get at least those 7 inches of snow and I have at least have one cancelled class. You've been warned.
Now on to the actual column…
“Why does [the World Baseball Classic] exist? The players and fans (for the most part) aren't interested…all the tournament does is screw up spring training and throw players off their normal preseason routine.”
That is a direct quote from me circa 10 days ago. Turns out I’m an idiot (but you probably already knew that.)
The fact is I have underestimated the World Baseball Classic. The games I have watched have actually been entertaining, and the teams seem to be legitimately interested in winning.
The reason for this is simple. Teams, instead of concerning themselves with building the best team statistically, are building around players that buy into the team concept. People seem to think the “elite” players aren’t taking part, but the reality is they are. It’s just that the “elite” players are also “gamers.”
Now I know I am throwing out a lot of "terms," but my point is, the key to winning this tournament isn’t putting together a team of superstars. It is putting together a team of players who actually care. Obviously talent matters, but having an interested David Wright is far better than having an apathetic A-Rod (if he were healthy. Also, Apathetic A-Rod should be the name of a band, if it isn’t already).
The fact is, creating a winning team is different than creating the best team statistically.
Real baseball isn’t the same as fantasy baseball.
Here, for example, is what my United States starting lineup would look like in a perfect world (assuming all parties were healthy):
C: Joe Mauer (Yes, this is a complete homer pick.)
1B: Kevin Youkilis
2B: Chase Utley
3B: David Wright
SS: Jimmy Rollins
LF: Ryan Braun
CF: Grady Sizemore
RF: Josh Hamilton
DH: Adam Dunn
Now, before you jump on the Adam Dunn pick, realize three things:
1. He is underrated.
2. He seems legitimately excited to be playing in the WBC.
3. He is a prototypical DH in that he is suspect defensively, and all he does is hit home runs.
As for the rest of the lineup, guess how many from my list aren’t on the actual roster. Only four.
1. Joe Mauer
2. Chase Utley
3. Grady Sizemore
4. Josh Hamilton
Of those four players, two were, in fact, on the original roster (Mauer and Sizemore) but dropped out due to injury, one had off season surgery (Utley), and one is basically living in the body of a 75 year old because of all the crack he did (Hamilton).
(Not to make fun of Hamilton, but after all the years of drug abuse it is hard to imagine what kind of shape his body is in internally. Point being, you can't blame the man for saving himself for the regular season.)
Everyone is making the argument that team USA isn't bringing the best players, and citing this as the reason the WBC will never work, but the reality is team USA is bringing the best players for this tournament. The 2006 team included players like Roger Clemens and Alex Rodriguez. That is like unleashing a throng of high class hookers with syphilis on the clubhouse and hoping the rest of the team doesn’t get infected. It’s not going to happen.
Now things do get a little dicey when you look at the United States pitching (No Hamels, Webb, Halladay, or Tim “Line-of-cum”?) but with the way pitchers are babied nowadays, you can’t blame them for passing on the WBC. They have to get their work in and get “stretched out” for the season. Now, whether this is a valid excuse is a whole other debate, but in the current baseball culture you can’t blame the pitchers for buying into this philosophy.
Now obviously the WBC isn’t perfect, and I’m not saying I am 100% on board with the concept, but I have enjoyed the games – more than I would be enjoying random spring training games, as I previously stated – and, the fact is, this really is the best time of year to hold the tournament. Plus the players seem legitimately excited.
This doesn’t mean I’m intensely rooting for team USA, or becoming a rabid fan of the WBC, but it is nice to watch relatively meaningful games in March. And, the fact of the matter is, people who claim the USA isn’t fielding a top notch roster, need to reevaluate what exactly “top-notch” means.
I know, because that is exactly what I did.
-Juice
[UPDATE: Watch the highlights of the Dominican Republic Vs. Netherlands and then tell me teams don't care. Yeah, that's what I thought.]
Now on to the actual column…
“Why does [the World Baseball Classic] exist? The players and fans (for the most part) aren't interested…all the tournament does is screw up spring training and throw players off their normal preseason routine.”That is a direct quote from me circa 10 days ago. Turns out I’m an idiot (but you probably already knew that.)
The fact is I have underestimated the World Baseball Classic. The games I have watched have actually been entertaining, and the teams seem to be legitimately interested in winning.
The reason for this is simple. Teams, instead of concerning themselves with building the best team statistically, are building around players that buy into the team concept. People seem to think the “elite” players aren’t taking part, but the reality is they are. It’s just that the “elite” players are also “gamers.”
Now I know I am throwing out a lot of "terms," but my point is, the key to winning this tournament isn’t putting together a team of superstars. It is putting together a team of players who actually care. Obviously talent matters, but having an interested David Wright is far better than having an apathetic A-Rod (if he were healthy. Also, Apathetic A-Rod should be the name of a band, if it isn’t already).
The fact is, creating a winning team is different than creating the best team statistically.
Real baseball isn’t the same as fantasy baseball.
Here, for example, is what my United States starting lineup would look like in a perfect world (assuming all parties were healthy):
C: Joe Mauer (Yes, this is a complete homer pick.)
1B: Kevin Youkilis
2B: Chase Utley
3B: David Wright
SS: Jimmy Rollins
LF: Ryan Braun
CF: Grady Sizemore
RF: Josh Hamilton
DH: Adam Dunn
Now, before you jump on the Adam Dunn pick, realize three things:
1. He is underrated.
2. He seems legitimately excited to be playing in the WBC.
3. He is a prototypical DH in that he is suspect defensively, and all he does is hit home runs.
As for the rest of the lineup, guess how many from my list aren’t on the actual roster. Only four.
1. Joe Mauer
2. Chase Utley
3. Grady Sizemore
4. Josh Hamilton
Of those four players, two were, in fact, on the original roster (Mauer and Sizemore) but dropped out due to injury, one had off season surgery (Utley), and one is basically living in the body of a 75 year old because of all the crack he did (Hamilton).
(Not to make fun of Hamilton, but after all the years of drug abuse it is hard to imagine what kind of shape his body is in internally. Point being, you can't blame the man for saving himself for the regular season.)
Everyone is making the argument that team USA isn't bringing the best players, and citing this as the reason the WBC will never work, but the reality is team USA is bringing the best players for this tournament. The 2006 team included players like Roger Clemens and Alex Rodriguez. That is like unleashing a throng of high class hookers with syphilis on the clubhouse and hoping the rest of the team doesn’t get infected. It’s not going to happen.
Now things do get a little dicey when you look at the United States pitching (No Hamels, Webb, Halladay, or Tim “Line-of-cum”?) but with the way pitchers are babied nowadays, you can’t blame them for passing on the WBC. They have to get their work in and get “stretched out” for the season. Now, whether this is a valid excuse is a whole other debate, but in the current baseball culture you can’t blame the pitchers for buying into this philosophy.
Now obviously the WBC isn’t perfect, and I’m not saying I am 100% on board with the concept, but I have enjoyed the games – more than I would be enjoying random spring training games, as I previously stated – and, the fact is, this really is the best time of year to hold the tournament. Plus the players seem legitimately excited.
This doesn’t mean I’m intensely rooting for team USA, or becoming a rabid fan of the WBC, but it is nice to watch relatively meaningful games in March. And, the fact of the matter is, people who claim the USA isn’t fielding a top notch roster, need to reevaluate what exactly “top-notch” means.
I know, because that is exactly what I did.
-Juice
[UPDATE: Watch the highlights of the Dominican Republic Vs. Netherlands and then tell me teams don't care. Yeah, that's what I thought.]
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Random Thoughts...
...If you enjoyed my post from yesterday you will love http://www.retrojunk.com/. I could seriously spend hours on that site. (Juice)
...If you had an attractive woman (or man if that’s what you're into) stalking you how would you feel about it? Would it be some weird combination of being excited and creeped out? I mean you would have to be at least a little pumped that some hottie is following you around. (Juice)
...My friend Brent and I were talking today about how the NBA is becoming relevant again. It's been a long time but it’s exciting. (The Kicker)
...While on the NBA I want to mention the resurgence of the Diesel. Shaq has been unstoppable since Amare Stoudemire got hurt. Can he keep it up? I doubt it, he is too old but he is giving his team a chance to make the playoffs and I wouldn't want to play them in the playoffs, especially if Steve Nash gets healthy. (The Kicker)
...God, I hope people are still reading after all that NBA talk...(Juice)
...I have beef with College Humor's Cute College Girl of the day. There is a difference between "cute" and "hot" - as every guy knows. The problem with Cute College Girl is sometimes they have girls that are "cute" and sometimes they have girls that are "hot." (And sometimes neither.) I feel like College Humor should do a better job of distinguishing this. If the girl is actually "cute" then, fine, call her the Cute College Girl. If she is hot then she should be Hot College Girl of the day. If, however, the girl isn't up to standards than it should say "Mildly Attractive College Girl" and I'll know to skip those days. (Juice)
...I've been listening to a lot of Coldplay recently. I don't know what my point is, I just thought for the sake of full disclosure you should know. (Juice)
...24oz cans of beer are a lot to drink. It makes you feel good though because you only have to open half as many for the night so your fingers don’t get sore. (The Kicker)
...Ordering MLB tickets on the first day they come out is frustrating. Or, at least it is with Twins tickets. Because of the high demand they always put you in a "virtual waiting room" so only a certain number of people can access the server at a time; except they don't tell you how soon you can enter the waiting room before tickets go on sale. Some years they don't even let you into the "waiting room" until right at the time tickets officially go on sale. I guess I'm just annoyed because as I type this I'm waiting to get tickets and it takes an inordinate amount of time. (Juice)
… By the way, tickets are basically sold out. The only seats left are Upper GA. (Juice)...There are few worse rules in sports than being able to call a timeout in basketball when players are in a scrum for the ball. (Juice) ...The best television sports theme song by far is the NCAA basketball on CBS song. I think I'm more excited for March Madness because of that song than the actual games themselves. (Juice)
...Awesome. Mostly because of number one, but there are a couple of others that are chuckle-worthy. (Juice)
...If you had an attractive woman (or man if that’s what you're into) stalking you how would you feel about it? Would it be some weird combination of being excited and creeped out? I mean you would have to be at least a little pumped that some hottie is following you around. (Juice)
...My friend Brent and I were talking today about how the NBA is becoming relevant again. It's been a long time but it’s exciting. (The Kicker)
...While on the NBA I want to mention the resurgence of the Diesel. Shaq has been unstoppable since Amare Stoudemire got hurt. Can he keep it up? I doubt it, he is too old but he is giving his team a chance to make the playoffs and I wouldn't want to play them in the playoffs, especially if Steve Nash gets healthy. (The Kicker)
...God, I hope people are still reading after all that NBA talk...(Juice)
...I have beef with College Humor's Cute College Girl of the day. There is a difference between "cute" and "hot" - as every guy knows. The problem with Cute College Girl is sometimes they have girls that are "cute" and sometimes they have girls that are "hot." (And sometimes neither.) I feel like College Humor should do a better job of distinguishing this. If the girl is actually "cute" then, fine, call her the Cute College Girl. If she is hot then she should be Hot College Girl of the day. If, however, the girl isn't up to standards than it should say "Mildly Attractive College Girl" and I'll know to skip those days. (Juice)
...I've been listening to a lot of Coldplay recently. I don't know what my point is, I just thought for the sake of full disclosure you should know. (Juice)
...24oz cans of beer are a lot to drink. It makes you feel good though because you only have to open half as many for the night so your fingers don’t get sore. (The Kicker)
...Ordering MLB tickets on the first day they come out is frustrating. Or, at least it is with Twins tickets. Because of the high demand they always put you in a "virtual waiting room" so only a certain number of people can access the server at a time; except they don't tell you how soon you can enter the waiting room before tickets go on sale. Some years they don't even let you into the "waiting room" until right at the time tickets officially go on sale. I guess I'm just annoyed because as I type this I'm waiting to get tickets and it takes an inordinate amount of time. (Juice)
… By the way, tickets are basically sold out. The only seats left are Upper GA. (Juice)...There are few worse rules in sports than being able to call a timeout in basketball when players are in a scrum for the ball. (Juice) ...The best television sports theme song by far is the NCAA basketball on CBS song. I think I'm more excited for March Madness because of that song than the actual games themselves. (Juice)
...Awesome. Mostly because of number one, but there are a couple of others that are chuckle-worthy. (Juice)
Friday, March 6, 2009
Weekly Top Ten: 90s Cartoons
I'm a sucker for top ten lists. Or lists of any kind for that matter. With this in mind, I've decided Fridays will feature a top ten list on a random subject. Suggestions are not only welcomed, but encouraged. The more random the better, as long as they are interesting and something that can be made into a substantial list.
This week: Top ten cartoons from the 90s
*Note these shows had to be made in the 90s. Shows that began in the 80s but spilled over into the 90s count, while shows that were only made in the 80s, but I watched in the 90s do not. Capiche?
10. Garfield and Friends (1988-1995)
I think my favorite part about this show was that there were basically two people doing all the voices, except they didn't bother to change their voice for the different characters. Basically you had Garfield and John Arbuckle in the main story, and a mini story about the farm animals who all sounded exactly like Garfield and John Arbuckle. Classic. Plus Garfield and Friends was about 1000 times better than the comic strip.
9. Muppet Babies (1984-1991)
Barely making the 90s cut, but a fantastic cartoon. I would also like to note this begins the first of several theme songs you will have stuck in your head for the rest of the day. "Muppet Babies we make our dreams come true, Muppet Babies we'll do the same for you." By the way, the quintessential Muppet Babies episode was the Star Wars parody. If you don't know what I'm talking about I weep for you.
8. Rocko's Modern Life (1993-1996)
The quintessential stupid, gross, everything a kid loves cartoon from the mid 90s. (Other than Ren and Stimpy but the difference is Rocko’s Modern Life was actually good.) Rocko’s Modern Life featured the stupid gross out jokes a kid loves, and a main character who lived next door to people named the Fatheads. Who doesn’t love that? The theme song is more annoying than I remember though.
7. Duck Tales (1987-1990)
"Duck Tales, OOO-ooo." That is hard to type, but you get the idea. I've been watching the opening credits to each of these shows as I go through the list, and it makes me want to move every show up. I would also argue, if this list was based solely on intros, Duck Tales would be at the top; but I was a little younger during this time period so the show itself doesn't stand out as much in my mind.
6. Tale Spin (1990-1994)
Ok. I stand corrected. Tale Spin is definitely at the top of the opening credits list. I would also like to point out three things:
1. "There is something out there gobbling up airplanes" is a quote I still inexplicably use now.
2. The Jungle Book is one of the worst disney cartoon movies ever, but anytime you can take characters from a crappy movie and turn them into a TV show about pilots being chased by "air pirates," you have my undivided attention.
3. The episode where Baloo and Kit Cloudkicker switch bodies because of a mysterious magical artifact was one of the greatest television moments of my life. I'm not even kidding.
Also, the title of the show is a pun and that makes me smile.
5. Hey Arnold! (1996-2004)
First of all, I didn't realize Hey Arnold! lasted that long. This is also the last watchable children's cartoon ever made, mostly for the fact that all the characters head shapes were based on inanimate objects.
"Move it football head!"
But I think the one thing we will all remember forever is when Stoop Kid finally found the strength to leave his stoop. Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?
4. Chip N' Dale Rescue Rangers (1989-1992)
If the first thing you did after reading that title wasn't sing "Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers," either out-loud or in your head, you are a bad person. Seriously. That is the official test to decide your worth as a human being. Easily the second best theme song on this list (number one yet to come) and anytime you get two chipmunks solving crimes you are in for a very entertaining half hour.
3. Doug (1991-1994)
God how I loved this show. Doug Funnie. Pattie Mayonaise. Mosquito Valentine. These are some of the greatest characters in television history. Not only did each one have a strange name, they had a strange skin color. I also referred to Doug as “normal colored” when referring to his skin one time, so you have to love a show that brings out a child’s latent racism.
2. The Simpsons (1989-current)
With The Simpsons we have the only show on this list that is still being made; although, if you have seen any of the new episodes, you could easily make the argument that isn’t a good thing. (How bad was the movie? Yeesh.) In its glory days of the mid to late 90s, however, The Simpsons was undoubtedly the best show on television. It had something for everyone. I would even accept the argument that The Simpsons should be number one, but for me, that just isn’t the case.
1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987-1996)
THE television show of my childhood. Nothing else even comes close. I woke up every Saturday morning, rocked my matching TMNT sweatshirt and sweatpants and entranced myself in the half hour cartoon. Not only is this the best show on this list, but it also spawned the best theme song, the best toys, and the best PJs of any television show ever made. And, I would just like to note, to whoever decided to bring Teenage Mutant Turtles back and ruin it by naming the movie just TMNT, and making it some stupid hip, futuristic crap, I hope you die a slow, painful death. There is only one Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series that should be recognized, and that is the original.
Honorable Mention:
Goof Troop
Recess
The Busy World of Richard Scarry
Rugrats
Darkwing Duck
-Juice
This week: Top ten cartoons from the 90s
*Note these shows had to be made in the 90s. Shows that began in the 80s but spilled over into the 90s count, while shows that were only made in the 80s, but I watched in the 90s do not. Capiche?
10. Garfield and Friends (1988-1995)
I think my favorite part about this show was that there were basically two people doing all the voices, except they didn't bother to change their voice for the different characters. Basically you had Garfield and John Arbuckle in the main story, and a mini story about the farm animals who all sounded exactly like Garfield and John Arbuckle. Classic. Plus Garfield and Friends was about 1000 times better than the comic strip.
9. Muppet Babies (1984-1991)
Barely making the 90s cut, but a fantastic cartoon. I would also like to note this begins the first of several theme songs you will have stuck in your head for the rest of the day. "Muppet Babies we make our dreams come true, Muppet Babies we'll do the same for you." By the way, the quintessential Muppet Babies episode was the Star Wars parody. If you don't know what I'm talking about I weep for you.
8. Rocko's Modern Life (1993-1996)
The quintessential stupid, gross, everything a kid loves cartoon from the mid 90s. (Other than Ren and Stimpy but the difference is Rocko’s Modern Life was actually good.) Rocko’s Modern Life featured the stupid gross out jokes a kid loves, and a main character who lived next door to people named the Fatheads. Who doesn’t love that? The theme song is more annoying than I remember though.
7. Duck Tales (1987-1990)
"Duck Tales, OOO-ooo." That is hard to type, but you get the idea. I've been watching the opening credits to each of these shows as I go through the list, and it makes me want to move every show up. I would also argue, if this list was based solely on intros, Duck Tales would be at the top; but I was a little younger during this time period so the show itself doesn't stand out as much in my mind.
6. Tale Spin (1990-1994)
Ok. I stand corrected. Tale Spin is definitely at the top of the opening credits list. I would also like to point out three things:
1. "There is something out there gobbling up airplanes" is a quote I still inexplicably use now.
2. The Jungle Book is one of the worst disney cartoon movies ever, but anytime you can take characters from a crappy movie and turn them into a TV show about pilots being chased by "air pirates," you have my undivided attention.
3. The episode where Baloo and Kit Cloudkicker switch bodies because of a mysterious magical artifact was one of the greatest television moments of my life. I'm not even kidding.
Also, the title of the show is a pun and that makes me smile.
5. Hey Arnold! (1996-2004)
First of all, I didn't realize Hey Arnold! lasted that long. This is also the last watchable children's cartoon ever made, mostly for the fact that all the characters head shapes were based on inanimate objects.
"Move it football head!"
But I think the one thing we will all remember forever is when Stoop Kid finally found the strength to leave his stoop. Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?
4. Chip N' Dale Rescue Rangers (1989-1992)
If the first thing you did after reading that title wasn't sing "Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers," either out-loud or in your head, you are a bad person. Seriously. That is the official test to decide your worth as a human being. Easily the second best theme song on this list (number one yet to come) and anytime you get two chipmunks solving crimes you are in for a very entertaining half hour.
3. Doug (1991-1994)
God how I loved this show. Doug Funnie. Pattie Mayonaise. Mosquito Valentine. These are some of the greatest characters in television history. Not only did each one have a strange name, they had a strange skin color. I also referred to Doug as “normal colored” when referring to his skin one time, so you have to love a show that brings out a child’s latent racism.
2. The Simpsons (1989-current)
With The Simpsons we have the only show on this list that is still being made; although, if you have seen any of the new episodes, you could easily make the argument that isn’t a good thing. (How bad was the movie? Yeesh.) In its glory days of the mid to late 90s, however, The Simpsons was undoubtedly the best show on television. It had something for everyone. I would even accept the argument that The Simpsons should be number one, but for me, that just isn’t the case.
1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987-1996)
THE television show of my childhood. Nothing else even comes close. I woke up every Saturday morning, rocked my matching TMNT sweatshirt and sweatpants and entranced myself in the half hour cartoon. Not only is this the best show on this list, but it also spawned the best theme song, the best toys, and the best PJs of any television show ever made. And, I would just like to note, to whoever decided to bring Teenage Mutant Turtles back and ruin it by naming the movie just TMNT, and making it some stupid hip, futuristic crap, I hope you die a slow, painful death. There is only one Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series that should be recognized, and that is the original.
Honorable Mention:
Goof Troop
Recess
The Busy World of Richard Scarry
Rugrats
Darkwing Duck
-Juice
Thursday, March 5, 2009
"Wanna Come Over and Play?"
Can you imagine being a kid these days? It’s a depressing thought, isn’t it?
I suppose everybody says this about their childhood era, but the 90s were the best possible time to grow up. In fact, quite simply, technology has ruined being a youth. It is really quite sad.
Now I know what you are thinking, "But Mr. Juice, there was plenty of technology in the 90s: Nintendo, computers, television, etc." And yes, there was. However, the Nintendo of the 90s was nothing like video games today. You couldn't sit in front of the television for hours playing Mario, because it was the same thing over and over again. An hour or so of Nintendo and you are pretty much set for the day.
I have to admit personal bias here, because I had no interest in Nintendo as a kid. In fact, I didn't even own a video game system until I got a Playstation in sixth grade – shout out to Crash Bandicoot. I am also biased because I spent the majority of my time outside playing baseball in the summer, and building snow forts in the winter. Do kids still do that?
I'm pretty sure they don't. And that is unbelievably depressing.
Now, admittedly, I frolicked outside a tad more than most kids, but even if you take the average frolicker of the 90s, they spent far more time outside than children of today.
In the 90s calling up a friend and saying "wanna come over and play" - which is exactly what everyone said, by the way - didn't mean sitting in front of a TV with an xbox 360 controller, it meant actually playing.
Hell, these days kids don't even need to get together, they can just play each other in Halo and communicate via microphone. I just can't imagine that.
Most child psychologists agree that kids learn the most from interacting with their peers, which essentially means playing outside, not cooping yourself up with an Xbox and bag of Doritos. So what happens when kids skip that step?
I promise human interaction is one thing Google can't help with that.
As I sit here I will admit I can't imagine my life without Google - the answer to any question at your fingertips - but, at the same time, I can't imagine being an kid and not discovering answers for myself. (Although I will say my Google searches would've been a little different as an eight year old, well, except for "boobs." That never gets old.)
Kids no longer have to discover answers. If children want to solve life’s little paradoxes they can simply type them into Google. Thinking and analyzing be damned.
Have you seen that commercial for Windows where the little five year old girl is showing how easy it is to use a PC? How depressing is that? Not because a 5 year old is smarter than me, I'm fine with that, but because a fucking five year old can sit down and use a computer. Five year olds shouldn't be using computers; they should be eating paste and sticking things up their nose. When I have kids, I would much rather have them eating weird shit than sifting through my Google searches.
Life’s little mysteries should be discovered, not Googled.
Now, I'm not trying to advocate outlawing video games or the internet. I use both. And I'm not saying video games are the root of all evil. I played plenty of computer games. I'm just saying they should be used in moderation. They shouldn't be the centerpiece of a child’s day.
My worst fear (other than giant spiders) is that the youth are calling - or hell, probably texting – each other and saying “do you want to play football?” Except football means Madden on Xbox.
And this is a completely a cultural issue.
Kids have been ingrained in the last ten years to think that playing sports video games is more fun than playing actual sports. This, obviously, isn’t true. I, too, enjoy sports video games, but nothing beats green springy grass, and the feel of a baseball in your hands. And, suffice to say, the only reason I actually enjoy sports video games is because they present an alternate reality of something I already love. Something I love, from real experience.
Playing outside is the best part of childhood. Being a kid isn’t about gaming and gorging, it’s about capture the flag and kick the can. It’s about running, jumping, laughing, throwing, hitting, tackling, and anything and everything you can think of. It’s about eenie meenie minee moe, bubble gum bubble gum in a dish, and of course Indian Indian in a hut what color is your butt?
It is about making up games and making up mischief.
And, fine, maybe there is some problem solving involved in video games, and learning to use certain parts of a computer are important for a kid, but no amount of computing, or deciphering how to kill an alien sniper, can make up for whizzing to the bottom of a hill on a bicycle - or whizzing on a bicycle at the bottom of a hill, for that matter. Kids need fresh air and exercise, they just do.
This doesn’t mean children should be forced to play a specific sport (other than not being allowed to play soccer, of course) but, I promise, if you send a kid outside and say "go nuts" they will find something worthwhile. Plus the weird games kids come up with using toys in the garage, show far more analytical thinking than triumph over the alien sniper.
Now I realize my childhood of playing baseball everyday was different than most, and this fanaticism isn't a requirement, but getting kids off their asses is.
Maybe that era is dead. But I like to think that isn’t the case.
I like to think there will again be a day when the phrase "wanna come over and play?" regains its proper meaning.
-Juice
I suppose everybody says this about their childhood era, but the 90s were the best possible time to grow up. In fact, quite simply, technology has ruined being a youth. It is really quite sad.
Now I know what you are thinking, "But Mr. Juice, there was plenty of technology in the 90s: Nintendo, computers, television, etc." And yes, there was. However, the Nintendo of the 90s was nothing like video games today. You couldn't sit in front of the television for hours playing Mario, because it was the same thing over and over again. An hour or so of Nintendo and you are pretty much set for the day.
I have to admit personal bias here, because I had no interest in Nintendo as a kid. In fact, I didn't even own a video game system until I got a Playstation in sixth grade – shout out to Crash Bandicoot. I am also biased because I spent the majority of my time outside playing baseball in the summer, and building snow forts in the winter. Do kids still do that?
I'm pretty sure they don't. And that is unbelievably depressing.
Now, admittedly, I frolicked outside a tad more than most kids, but even if you take the average frolicker of the 90s, they spent far more time outside than children of today.
In the 90s calling up a friend and saying "wanna come over and play" - which is exactly what everyone said, by the way - didn't mean sitting in front of a TV with an xbox 360 controller, it meant actually playing.
Hell, these days kids don't even need to get together, they can just play each other in Halo and communicate via microphone. I just can't imagine that.
Most child psychologists agree that kids learn the most from interacting with their peers, which essentially means playing outside, not cooping yourself up with an Xbox and bag of Doritos. So what happens when kids skip that step?
I promise human interaction is one thing Google can't help with that.
As I sit here I will admit I can't imagine my life without Google - the answer to any question at your fingertips - but, at the same time, I can't imagine being an kid and not discovering answers for myself. (Although I will say my Google searches would've been a little different as an eight year old, well, except for "boobs." That never gets old.)
Kids no longer have to discover answers. If children want to solve life’s little paradoxes they can simply type them into Google. Thinking and analyzing be damned.
Have you seen that commercial for Windows where the little five year old girl is showing how easy it is to use a PC? How depressing is that? Not because a 5 year old is smarter than me, I'm fine with that, but because a fucking five year old can sit down and use a computer. Five year olds shouldn't be using computers; they should be eating paste and sticking things up their nose. When I have kids, I would much rather have them eating weird shit than sifting through my Google searches.
Life’s little mysteries should be discovered, not Googled.
Now, I'm not trying to advocate outlawing video games or the internet. I use both. And I'm not saying video games are the root of all evil. I played plenty of computer games. I'm just saying they should be used in moderation. They shouldn't be the centerpiece of a child’s day.
My worst fear (other than giant spiders) is that the youth are calling - or hell, probably texting – each other and saying “do you want to play football?” Except football means Madden on Xbox.
And this is a completely a cultural issue.
Kids have been ingrained in the last ten years to think that playing sports video games is more fun than playing actual sports. This, obviously, isn’t true. I, too, enjoy sports video games, but nothing beats green springy grass, and the feel of a baseball in your hands. And, suffice to say, the only reason I actually enjoy sports video games is because they present an alternate reality of something I already love. Something I love, from real experience.
Playing outside is the best part of childhood. Being a kid isn’t about gaming and gorging, it’s about capture the flag and kick the can. It’s about running, jumping, laughing, throwing, hitting, tackling, and anything and everything you can think of. It’s about eenie meenie minee moe, bubble gum bubble gum in a dish, and of course Indian Indian in a hut what color is your butt?
It is about making up games and making up mischief.
And, fine, maybe there is some problem solving involved in video games, and learning to use certain parts of a computer are important for a kid, but no amount of computing, or deciphering how to kill an alien sniper, can make up for whizzing to the bottom of a hill on a bicycle - or whizzing on a bicycle at the bottom of a hill, for that matter. Kids need fresh air and exercise, they just do.
This doesn’t mean children should be forced to play a specific sport (other than not being allowed to play soccer, of course) but, I promise, if you send a kid outside and say "go nuts" they will find something worthwhile. Plus the weird games kids come up with using toys in the garage, show far more analytical thinking than triumph over the alien sniper.
Now I realize my childhood of playing baseball everyday was different than most, and this fanaticism isn't a requirement, but getting kids off their asses is.
Maybe that era is dead. But I like to think that isn’t the case.
I like to think there will again be a day when the phrase "wanna come over and play?" regains its proper meaning.
-Juice
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