The Death of the Pitching Staff

There has been a disturbing trend in Major League Baseball the last few years: The structure of teams pitching staffs.

We are long removed from the days of four man pitching rotations, and guys pitching up to 300 innings. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; however, the disturbing part is how many teams are shying away from an eleven pitching staff (the commonplace ever since teams introduced the five man rotation) and moving towards 12 or 13 man staffs.

I'm not trying to sound like baseball relic, listening to the old school pitchers complain about how "back in their day you had to pry the ball out of my hand if you wanted to get me off the mound," gets incredibly annoying, after all. (I'm looking at you Mr. Bert Blyleven.) With that said, there is at least a little merit in what they are advocating.

Pitches aren't becoming bigger pansys, they are just being brought up in a culture that breeds lower pitch counts, and plenty of bullpen help.

The problem is that there just aren't enough quality arms for every team to have seven or eight solid options out of the bullpen. Instead of having five starting pitchers, who are trained to pitch seven innings on a given night, there are five starting pitchers who are trained to pitch five to seven innings depending on how far they can get on a 100 pitch limit. That can leave up to four innings to get through with relief pitchers. Couple this with the fact that most relievers are trained to only go one inning, sometimes even less (see Reyes, Denys), and you have a yourself and overworked staff.

The problem with this system, is that it's a lot harder for a relief pitcher to warm up, throw 25 pitches, sit down, and try and do that again the next day. This is much more difficult that a starter warming himself up and chugging through seven innings.

This is where the change needs to take place. The pitching staff needs to be set up as follows:

Five starters: Trained not by pitch counts, but to make it through seven innings. This won't always work, but I'm not advocating demolishing the bullpen, just tweaking it.

Closer: Trained to pitch more innings. If you need this guy for a two inning, or even three inning, save he should be able to do that. Why leave the best reliever on the bench during the most important time in the game?

Setup: This could be a lefty or righty, but is essentially your "number two closer." He's the guy you are most confident in getting some outs in the seventh our eigth inning on days when you don't want to overwork your closer. Guys would still need some rest.

Middle relievers: One lefty, and one righty. These are the guys would come in on days when your starter struggles. Or, if they pitched a stressful five or six innings (a lot of baserunners, tough situations, etc.) you can go to one of these guys in the sixth or seventh. These guys would also be available for specific righty-righty, or lefty-lefty matchups.

Long reliever: The one "mop-up" guy. There will be days when your starting pitcher just doesn't have it. That happens. If your starter gets lit up like Chien Ming Wang, you need another option. Now, this doesn't mean you pull the plug after two innings if the starter gives up five runs, pitchers need to be a little more resilient than that.

That would equate to five starters and five relievers and, if a team chooses, you could add in an extra lefty just in case you want both a lefty and right setup guy. The key, of course, to all this working is rethinking how starting staffs operate.

It would not take that long to change the mentality of a starting pitcher. Once an arm is warmed up, there isn't a big difference between throwing 100 pitches and 125 pitches. Often times, that is the difference between going five or six innings, or going seven innings. If teams rethink how they train pitchers in the minor leagues, it would make the game as a whole much better.

The way it is now, teams complain about the lack of pitching. The fact is, however, that the problem isn't too little pitching, it is too much pitching. If you train your quality pitchers to pitch more innings, it will alleviate the concerns of an untrustworthy, and overworked, bullpen.

-Juice

Random Thoughts...

...Gotta live and die with the Cubs (The Kicker)

...How do you not throw in a diehard pun there? Or a pun about bleeding blue and red? (Which is technically true for everyone but you get my point.) Or at least a Bartman joke. I'm calling The Kicker out. (Juice)

...Chimpanzee riding on a segway. That video will either ruin your week or make it 1000 times better. It all depends on how you look at it. (Juice)

...I wonder if he is any good (The Kicker)

...I'm not impressed until a kid throws at least five straight no hitters. (Juice)

...Are you impressed by this? Because I am extremely annoyed by it (The Kicker)

...The perfect game girl bothers me, because she got national attention after throwing one Little League perfect game. The high school kid had to throw four no hitters before anybody even noticed. Why is it such a big deal that a girl threw a perfect game in Little League? If a boy did it nobody would notice. It's sexist. I'm not even female and that bothers me. (Juice)

...By the way, who decided four was the magic number of no hitters to gain some sort of national attention? Three isn't enough? I would say even two is at least worth mentioning. Have you ever watched a high school pitcher? Most of them can't even last three innings, let alone throw a complete game no hitter. (Juice)

...They mentioned it after three and ESPN ran a small tidbit on ESPN.com after two, but who's counting...well, ESPN apparently (The Kicker)

...Obscure references on espn.com doesn't count as National attention, champ. (Juice)

...How is this allowed or encouraged by the parents? Only in America... and Europe because that's the key to the story. (The Kicker)

...I found myself saying "it is windy as fuck out" the other day. After doing so, I started pondering the idea of saying something is "(insert phrase) as fuck." Rarely does this actually make sense. "Windy as fuck" certainly does not make sense. Is their a progression of swearing to show how intense something is? (Damn, shit, etc.) If that is the case, I obviously exaggerated because windy as fuck would be a tornado or hurricane. I guess my point is indiscriminately swearing to describe something is completely ridiculous. Regardless, I just set a new record for number of times "fuck" was used in a fifty word sequence on this site. So that's something I suppose. (Juice)

...Also, another thing I, and many other people, say is "very true." This doesn't make sense either. If something is true then it is just true. Something that is very true isn't truer than something that is true. Truth is truth. Think about it.(Juice)

...Have you seen those commercials for charities that supply laptops to impoverished children in Africa? I don't have a link but they show them on Hulu (one of the greatest inventions ever) quite a bit. My question is, though, shouldn't they be advocating sending kids food, clothing and other necessities? Computers can be helpful, but I think food and clothing is a little more important. Or have we just gotten to the point where we say "here's a computer try and find some cheap food and clothing on Ebay?" (Juice)

...Note: If you actually buy food on Ebay, you probably have some issues. (Juice)

...So its been sunny back to back days. Very rare. I decide to turn on the weather channel to see the full day forecast and all I see is "T-storms" for the whole weekend, gotta love false hope from weather (The Kicker)

...Have you seen the story about the high school cheerleading coach who got fired for posing in Playboy? That drives me nuts. So she posed for a few pictures to make a little extra money, who cares? And anybody who plays the "she's a role model for younger girls and shouldn't do that kind of thing" card can go fuck themselves. Why does it matter that she posed for a few pictures? It's not like she murdered someone. People need to get over their obsession with nudity being a big deal. There are way worse things kids are exposed to than a pair of boobs. I just don't get it. If you were offered a fairly substantial amount of money to pose naked for a reputable publication why wouldn't you do it? It's just nudity. I'd do it for like $20. I mean, come on. Unbelievable. By the way here are her pictures if you are curious. Don't click that if you are morally opposed to attractive naked girls though. (Juice)

...Not only is this completely absurd, but Eric Byrnes is prominently involved; and nobody wants to be like Eric Byrnes. Also, the quote Mark Reynolds gives is fantastic. (Juice)

...Would you rather attend a Nickelback concert or stick a fork in an electrical outlet? I think the answer is pretty obvious. (Juice)

...There needs to be more emphasis placed on how mentally competent a person must before they are allowed to drive. Yesterday I saw someone driving an SUV who I was 90% was drunk. (Note that it was one in the afternoon.) This person was neglicting to use their turn signal, cutting multiple off, and swerving all over the place. Eventually I caught up to them when I was turning, and I looked over and it was an Asian woman driving. Now I realize this is perpetuating a stereotype, but if you don't want people to stereotype you, then don't do the things you are stereotyped for. Driving isn't that hard, why are so many people terrible at it?(Juice)

...And finally, happy birthday to Juice. (Juice) - Yep, I just wished myself happy birthday in the third person.

Juice's Weekly Top Ten: Minnesota Sports Icons

First of all, thanks to everyone who voted in the poll, there will be another one up shortly regarding next weeks top ten, so continue to check in. And feel free to vote as often as you would like. Stuffing the ballot box is not only allowed, but encouraged.

Given the poll results, today’s list will be sports related. With that in mind, I have decided to run down the top Minnesota sports figures of all time. Pretty self explanatory and I’m sure you all know who is number one already, but maybe there will be some surprises along the way.
And away we go.

10. Dave Winfield

This tenth spot was kind of difficult to decide on, but I put Winfield here because he played literally every sport at the U of M. Seriously. Everything. He was actually captain of the water polo team, in case you are wondering. The fact that he is from Minnesota was the final icing on his tenth position cake. Plus he is 900 feet tall.

9. Fran Tarkenton

Fran Tarkenton is obviously before my time so I don’t know a whole lot about him. I just kind of assume old people like him. I dunno. Maybe I’m wrong. His name is Fran, though, so I suppose that is fun.

8. Kevin Garnett

You know, honestly, I never really cared about Kevin Garnett. I guess it was cool to have one of the best players in the NBA in the late nineties and most of the 2000’s but he never really did it for me. He was by far the most popular and well known sports figure in Minnesota during that time period, though, so I’ll put him on the list.

7. Tony Oliva

Tony O. Everyone loves Tony O. At a Twins game last year he was sitting like ten rows behind me and The Kicker. I’m not really sure why Tony Oliva had worse seats than us, but I guess it is kind of fun that he sits amongst the common folk. I moved him down on the list just because his career was cut short due to injury. I do thoroughly enjoy how I can only understand about 30% of what he says though.

6. Herb Brooks

As everyone knows I am not a hockey guy. Herb Brooks, though, is kind of an important figure in sports history. You know, because of the whole Miracle on Ice thing. He is probably the face of team USA actually, since the whole point was there were no super stars; although, technically the Miracle on Ice had almost nothing to do with hockey. But that’s neither here nor there.

5. Bud Grant

Again, Bud Grant was before my time, but he coached the Vikings during those years when they tended to make the Super Bowl. They would lose, but at least they would make it. Plus when the current coach is Brad Childress, it just makes you long even more for someone who is competent to lead the team.

4. Rod Carew

If you need to find a reason to like Rod Carew, which by the way there are plenty, look no further than his batting stance. How anyone can not only hit like that, but be one of the greatest contact hitters in the history of baseball is beyond me.

3. Kent Hrbek

Hrbek isn’t the greatest player in Twins history or anything, and too be quite frank, I would say most fans overrate him, but he is very likeable. I’m not saying Hrbek wasn’t good, he definitely was, and he was very important to both of the Twins’ World Series championships. And, out of everyone on this list, he is probably the guy you would most want to have a beer with. I say have a beer, because if you were sharing a case with Hrbie that is all you would get. He would drink the other 23.

2. Harmon Killebrew

Regarded as one of the nicest athletes in Minnesota history, Killebrew was the man in Minnesota during his reign on the Twins. It is impressive how popular he is with a generation of people that never actually got a chance to see him play, but everyone young and old loves Harmon Killebrew. It is impossible not to.

1. Kirby Puckett

Kirbyyyyyyyyyy Puckett. That introduction from Bob Casey will always send shivers down Twins fans spines. Puckett is, without a doubt, not only the most beloved sports figure in Minnesota history, but the most beloved public figure period. There is no argument. No debate. No question. If you say otherwise you are dead wrong. Between his skills and smile on the field, and the way he interacted with fans off the field, it was impossible to not love Kirby Puckett. It’s just too bad we lost him way too soon.

Personally, I remember getting Puckett’s autograph when I was about nine. I was stuck in a group of people surrounding Kirby, and was being forced out of the group by the people rushing in. After getting the autograph, I forgot to grab my pen, and Kirby turned to me and said “hey kid you want your pen back?” Easily the most star struck I have ever been, and probably will ever be. I don’t think I mustered any words, but I grabbed my pen and sauntered away. I’ll always remember that. Nobody will ever be as beloved as #34, Kirby Puckett.

As a final note, I realize this list is baseball heavy, and there is a reason that beyond the fact that baseball is my sport. Baseball players are more revered than other athletes. They are immortalized, and made legendary more than athletes from any other sport. Yes, there are plenty of transcendent figures in every sport, but the biggest of them all usually come from baseball. That’s just how it how it has always been.

Honorable Mention:
Randy Moss
Paul Moiltor
Brad Radke
Torii Hunter
Ron Coomer (Just kidding)

God vs. Ghosts

Ok before I begin this post, I would like to note three things:

1. This is a completely random topic, I don't know what made it pop into my head, but I was pondering the idea recently and it started bugging me. So now you all get to enjoy the wonderful world of my warped mind.

2. This is completely unrelated to sports, but I like to shake things up every once in awhile.

3. I don't necessarily mean to offend anyone. Well, other than Catholics, of course.

I was pondering life yesterday, in the shower I believe (I think better in the nude). I started thinking about ghosts, not sure why, I’m just odd I supposed. More specifically, I started to think about how many people I know believe in ghosts, and comparing that number to the number of people who believe in God.

I came to the conclusion that almost everybody I know, or at least everyone I know well enough to understand their religious beliefs, either believes in God, or is at least open to the idea of the existence of God. So, working under that assumption, lets just say that number is 100% - essentially 100% of people I know fairly well believe in God.

Now, I must ask, how many of those people believe in ghosts? Or supernatural beings, or whatever you want to call them. I would guess that number is significantly smaller. In fact, I would venture to say more people do not believe in ghosts than people who do; or, at best, the numbers are 50/50 on the pro ghost anti ghost debate.

There is a discrepancy here, however. Believing in God, is equally absurd as believing in ghosts.

Anyone who claims an all knowing, all seeing, all powerful omniscient being is more logical than a disembodied spirit of a deceased human, is ignorant. Plain and simple. Technically, both ideas are absurd, so what makes one more absurd than the other? Because the existence of God is more widely accepted, that makes it more logical? That is the absolute epitome of ignorance. The majority opinion is not always the correct opinion.

Now, this brings up a greater issue with religious ideology in general.

All religions are founded on the concept that the ideas they set forth are correct, and everyone else is wrong. The fact is, however, whether you believe the teachings of Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, a monkey alien warlord, or anything else, your ideas are illogical. They just are. This doesn’t make them wrong necessarily; it just makes them devoid of reason. (The divisiveness of organized religions, however, is wrong, and the reason that their existence is not only bad, but dangerous, for humanity. But that is a whole other issue.)

No religious belief system is based on logic, which is why they simply call it faith. Again, this doesn’t make your faith wrong, necessarily, it just makes a practice founded on passion as opposed reason.

People who believe ghosts are the exact same way.

Many ghost believers are equally fanatical on the “we’re right you’re wrong” front, but their ideas have a similar level of rationality. And, technically, one would likely have a much easier time arguing the existence of supernatural beings than the existence of God – who is in principle a supernatural being as well, by the way. Poor logic is just one (of many) problem(s) I have with staunchly religious people. Ghosts are just the example I have chosen to focus on here.

Most of the lunatic religious (I’m looking at you Captain Catholic) are completely caught up in the idea that the Bible and their religion’s teachings are absolute. So much so that they throw anything even resembling reason out the window. Ghosts can’t exist because when people die their spirit (which in and of itself is absurd) automatically goes to heaven or hell. Or, possibly, purgatory; you know, if you are into that sort of thing. This is more rational than the idea that people remain on earth as disembodied beings? Really?

Oh wait, no it isn’t.

Technically, neither one makes sense. Technically dead things are dead. And, fine, if you believe in some other mystical force, just don’t try to claim your mystical force is better than some other mystical force – My God could so beat up your God!

I know “religious” people who literally laugh at the idea of supernatural beings. They neglect one tiny detail, however: Their entire belief system is based on a supernatural being. Your supernatural being is not more rational than any other super natural being. If you are going to believe in God, you are essentially obligated to at least acknowledge that ghosts may exist. You are not obligated to believe in them, but you are a raging hypocrite if you do not at least acknowledge their existence. Quit simply, you are an ass.

I’m not here to decide who is right and who is wrong. That is an unanswerable question, people believe what they believe and that’s just the way it has always been and will always be.

All I’m asking is for people who have one set of illogical beliefs, to accept the fact that another set of illogical beliefs is possible. It doesn’t matter what you believe, it matters how you react to what others believe. If you are so blinded by the fact that “I’m right and you’re wrong,” you are not a morally righteous person, no matter what your belief system tells you.

I’m not saying everyone should believe in ghosts. I’m not saying everybody should believe in God. All I’m saying is, if you believe in one, you are obligated to acknowledge the possibility of the other’s existence. Otherwise, you have no argumentative footing to stand on, you have no ability to be taken seriously, and you look like an ignorant fool.

If you don’t believe me, maybe you should hop in the shower. The nudity might help you think.

-Juice

Today's Game Has Been Delayed

Today was going to be a good day. I slept well, woke up around 9:30am and was ready to go. After a quick bowl of cereal and a long shower (long showers are my favorite, sorry Mother Nature) I did some homework, studied a bit but planned my day around the 11:35am CST first pitch of the Twins @ Red Sox game.

I was anticipating a decent game as both teams had been playing well. The Sox were had 42 year old knuckleballer Tim Wakefield on the mound against the Twins Scott Baker. Well, part way through the third inning I decided it should be Scott "Take me deep" Baker, or various other versions of his name taking it hard, long and deep. However, Wakefield was baffling Twins hitters as they constantly hit weak popups and failed to get anything going. Then the rain came.

In this case, rain doesn't help the Twins as they were down 10-1 in the 8th. As the game went from boring to delayed, I realized that Twins fans everywhere should take note.

Next year, when outdoor baseball arrives in Minnesota, we better prepare for more than our fair share of delays and cancellations. Now, I don't mind this. It makes for some double headers, less fans after the rain delay and great stories about how I spent 9 hours to watch a game because the snow plow broke down.

I am going to be disappointed when a game is rained/snowed out because I love watching the Twins on TV. But, I will take a few more baseballless (thats a lot of consecutive Ls) nights in the summer for the glory of outdoor baseball. Sitting outside on a Wednesday night, 75 degrees, stars are shining, Twins are playing. Not a better feeling in the sports world than a good outdoor baseball game.

So as we move forward Twins fans, we must remember there will be rainouts. There might be snowouts but there undoubtedly will be great games, memories and yes, even weather as we transition from the marshmallow known as the Dome to Target Field, where the Twins and Spot the Dog will call home.

-The Kicker

NFL Draft: The Preview

I am not a draft lover. I like the draft, I like to see who my favorite team picks and how far "guaranteed" top 10 picks can fall (ala Aaron Rodgers) but no one actually likes the draft, besides Mel Kiper Jr.

Pick #1 belongs to the lowly Detroit Lions. If they select a quarterback, his career is basically fucked. You can't win with that team, no matter how good Calvin Johnson is. With a putrid defense, an offensive line that couldn't block me and Juice and an overall football attitude of "we suck", its doomed to fail. Now, I don't care how bad the Lions mess up someones career, they have an awesome new logo (PLEASE note the sarcasm)

But my issues with the draft extend FAR beyond the first overall pick, but mainly rest between each pick. Football is a slow game. No one in their right mind can deny that football games, especially pro, should be sped up. As much as I love watching a touchdown, PAT, commercial, kickoff, commercial sequence...it gets a little old. So the 15 minutes (it might be 10 minutes now?) between picks is a bit much. If it is 15 minutes between picks it takes just over an hour to get through pick #4. Unless of course Mike Tice is drafting an picks come rapid fire because of some goofy rule that says when your time is up, its everyone elses turn. Granted, only Mike Tice would ever allow that to happen.

The insane time allotments aside, is there any event more over-hyped than the NFL Draft? How many of these players will matter next year? And of the players who matter how many will you actually notice? ESPN's Todd McShay has four offensive tackles going in the top 10. Yea, 40% of the top ten is offensive lineman. I understand the importance of the O-line, and Detroits newest quarterback will wish he had a capable one, but how boring is it going to be to hear Mel Kiper go on and on about the ability of these very large men to block? Thats a great way to spend your Saturday!

Even after the annoyance of waiting hours to see picks, hearing analyst ramble on about good and bad picks (apparently each of them is unbelievably knowledgeable and could do a better job running a team, but just doesnt want to and turns down offers every year) the worst part of the draft and I mean the worst part is how every somewhat talented guy who gets drafted too late has character issues or is a steal. No one ever just falls because of the position they play or lack of competition they faced in college. I realize not all NFL players are great people (See: Jones, Adam "Pacman") but sometimes teams just dont want or like a guy because of how he plays.

So sorry to Mel Kiper Jr. and his fellow analyst but I will not be watching your coverage this year. The only interesting subplots to me are who my team drafts and how loud the New York Jets fans can boo when their team drafts.

-The Kicker

Where Bigger Than the Game Happens

My lack of caring about the NBA is well documented. I'm just not a fan. The league doesn’t produce interesting or compelling basketball. This is the reason I prefer college, or even high school, hoops. Not that I am a huge fan of those either, but I enjoy the occasional basketball game from time to time.

With that said, I may actually watch the NBA Finals under one circumstance: Los Angeles Lakers vs. Cleveland Cavaliers.

Now, I wouldn't watch every game, or even really care who wins (although I do prefer Lebron over Kobe), but I might watch with relative interest. It could potentially be one of those epic matchups in sports history. Or it could be a complete dud. Luckily, though, the NBA is completely rigged so we're guaranteed to find out.

Can't you just see David Stern dressed up as, let’s say, the Hamburglar, running up to Kevin Garnett, and smacking him in the knee with a lead pipe, all while laughing hysterically and screaming "it's Lebron's turn bitch, you're old news!"? Because I certainly can. If we have learned anything over the years of “random” ping pong balls on draft lottery day, and referee scandals, it is that David Stern is a maniac who has complete control over everything in the NBA. Things always go his way, because he makes sure they do.

The three man veteran show of the Boston Celtics was the compelling story last year, but now there is only one thing anybody cares about: Kobe vs Lebron. With all due respect to Chris Paul, Dwayne Wade, and the unbelievably ripped Dwight Howard, nobody outside of your respective cities actually wants to watch you succeed. You just aren't interesting.

The reason for this is fairly simple: The NBA is built around players rather than teams.

Which, might I add, is completely the NBA marketing department’s fault. Pimping players instead of teams is just how the NBA has always done things. Players are bigger than the team, and the biggest players are even bigger than the game. This just isn’t the case in other sports.

Take for example Alex Rodriguez and Tom Brady, arguably the biggest stars of their respective sports. Each was injured at the beginning of the season, and either missed the whole year (Brady) or has yet to come back (Arod). Yet, nobody even bats an eyelash. Sure their ailments created fodder for awhile, but their time off never deterred fans from watching baseball or football, or following their favorite team.

Now just imagine if Kobe or Lebron tore an ACL. See you later. Bandwagon is empty. Maybe less so in the Lakers case, but people would abandon the Cavs faster than Benny “the Jet” Rodriguez stealing home. And, furthermore, the NBA’s ratings and attendance as a whole would take a hit. People tune into watch the stars, not the teams.

I am definitely the same way. I couldn’t possibly care less about any professional basketball team, but I do find the Kobe vs. Lebron matchup at least marginally compelling. And, quite frankly, I would rather watch Kobe and Lebron play one on one and just go without the rest of the players on the court (no offense to D.J. Mbenga or Sasha Pavlovic).

Pimping stars is just the way NBA works. Luckily that means an all but guaranteed collision course for the Lakers and Cavs in the finals. David Stern will see to it.

Maybe though, for the sake of full disclosure, he should change the NBA slogan to “where bigger than the game happens.”

-Juice

Random Thoughts...

..."An angry young man with plenty of ability..." That is how ESPN describes Elijah Dukes in its fantasy projection section on espn.com. Seriously. Look. You can't make this stuff up. (Juice)

...My girlfriend and I were watching The Millionaire Matchmaker the other day, and the millionaire who was trying to be matched up was former NFL "star" Matthew Hatchette. My mind was blown by seeing the former Viking on this show ,but I was even more surprised to learn that Hatchette is a millionaire (The Kicker)

...What happened to the days when athletes had cool nicknames? The Admiral, The Mailman, The Big Hurt, The Big Unit, The Juice (OJ not me), The Splendid Splinter, The Say Hey Kid, The Georgia Peach, Pistol Pete, etc. There are no fun nicknames anymore. Now all we get is the shortening of a person's name or their initials: LT, MJ, Arod, Irod, CP3 etc. It is just lame. People aren't clever anymore or what? (Juice)

...Is there a worse feeling than waking up 20 minutes before your alarm goes off? (The Kicker)

...I'm going to say "yes," and go with sodomy. (Juice)

..."Ashton Kutcher is first to reach 1 million followers in Twitter contest with CNN." That was breaking news on CNN Thursday night. What the hell is the world coming to? I thought breaking news was for things that actually mattered? Plus I saw Ashton Kutcher's name and got all excited because I thought he was dead. I was sorely disappointed. Ok. Just kidding. That was mean. He is a giant tool though. (Juice)

...Ha. Take that fatty. (Juice)

..John Madden announced his retirement a few days ago. And, while I know how much everyone complains about him, and mocks him, I also know that everyone is going to miss him. You know it's true. If nothing else you will definitely miss his incoherent rambling and overuse of the word "penetration." Ah, memories... (Juice)

...There was a shot of Scott Baker and Kevin Slowey in the dugout on Wednesday, after Baker had gotten lit up for 6 runs in 4 innings, where Slowey is sitting there looking like he is explaining a physics problem and Baker has the "get the fuck away from me I just gave up 6 runs in 4 innings" look on his face. It made me smile. I enjoy the overly close, possibly homoerotic relationship between Slowey, Baker, Nick Blackburn, and Glenn Perkins. Of course I would enjoy it a hell of a lot more if they weren't getting lit up every time they take the mound... (Juice)

...Wow. (The Kicker)

...Asher Roth is the biggest tool on the planet. If you don't know who I'm talking about, he is the guy who sings this terrible song. I hate Asher Roth. He is terrible at everything; or, at least, he is terrible at making music, and based on what little I know about him, I assume he has no other talents. Not only that, but he is the whitest person on the planet and is trying to rap. It's like if Zac Efron decided to start rapping, but worse. Normally I would be afraid to make fun of rappers, you know since they all carry guns and have gigantic posses, but I don't think that is the case with Asher Roth. And, if he does have posse, it is probably the cast of Gossip Girl or some shit anyway. Scary. (Juice)

...I wrote about how awesome the Real World Road Rules Challenge is the other day, but what I forgot to mention is the completely ridiculous, completely hilarious, and possibly offensive opening credits. I don't even know what to say about them so just watch for yourselves. (Juice)

...Norm Coleman needs to just go away. Mr. Coleman, you are a weasel and nobody wants you around anymore. Just go away. You lost. Deal with it. Remember at the very beginning of the recount process when you thought you won and said if you were in Al Franken shoes you wouldn't put people through a lengthy recount? How's that working out for you? Seriously, everyone is sick you of you. Your daughter is kind of cute though. (Juice)

...The staff of College Humor have reached their apex with this video. (Juice)

...The story about missing St Thomas student Daniel Zamlen bothers me. Aside from the obvious fact that the whole situation is depressing, I have to say the case is being handled poorly. Being an eternal conspiracy theorist, I have always believed there is a serial killer situation with all the college aged males who have disappeared in the Midwest in the last few years, but that isn't even the point. What bothers me the most about this case is if this were a female who disappeared, everyone would immediately assume it was an abduction or assault and take the situation more seriously. Instead, it is a male so the process has dragged out to the point where solving the case is nearly impossible. It just seems like the police should take the case more seriously, especially when you consider the friend who hear him cry for help over the phone. Instead of just claiming that never actually happened (which is what the cops are doing) maybe that should actually be investigated. This kid didn't just randomly disappear. That doesn't make any sense. (Juice)

...Sorry. That was kind of a downer. Here's a picture of some puppies to make you feel better. (Juice)

...And finally, I stole this from my brother, who stole it from someone else, who probably stole it from someone else, so I'm not sure where it came from, but it makes me smile nonetheless. And it is actually pretty solid advice:

On a freezing cold day, in a farm field, a mother rabbit is leading her bunnies back to the warmth of their den. But the bunnies are so cold that they can't go on. So the mother, thinking quickly, sees a fresh, steaming cow pie nearby. She leads her bunnies to the cow pie and, one by one, sticks them in it. Just then, a nasty fox comes along, plucks the bunnies out of the cow pie and eats them.

The moral of the story: Not everyone that sticks you in a world of shit means you harm, and not everyone who pulls you out is your friend. (Juice)

Weekly Top Ten: Reasons Summer is better than Winter

It was 72 degrees today, and it is about freaking time the weather warms up. Of course, it is supposed to snow on Sunday, but that is beside the point. I hate winter. A lot. On the flip side, I love summer. With that in mind, today I'm running down the top ten reasons summer is better than winter.

10. Thunderstorms

Who doesn’t love a good thunderstorm? It is like a blizzard, except not unpleasant in every single way. There is no better time to sleep than with the pitter patter of rain on the roof as you lay in bed. I defy anyone to say something bad about a thunderstorm, aside from severe ones that turn into tornados. Those aren’t as much fun. Still beats the hell out of a blizzard though.

9. Grilling/Bonfires

I combined these into one thing because they are relatively similar, mostly because they both involve fire. Who doesn’t love fire? The fact is there are few better foods on the planet than a burger grilled over charcoal (never gas). I love a good burger with some potato (pronounced potata) salad. Delicious. Follow that up with a bonfire and some beers, and you have yourself a pretty good little summer evening. I long for summer…

8. Flip Flops

I hate shoes. HATE THEM. I have officially switched into flip flop mode from here on out, which basically means my feet won’t be shoed (aside from for situation where shoes are required) until Octoberish. Free and easy, that’s the way I like it. And, by the way, the fact that shoes even exist, pisses me off. If the person(s) who invented shoes hadn’t been pansies, and rocked the flip flops year round, we would have evolved to the point where shoes wouldn’t be necessary, even during the colder months. Thanks a lot shoe inventing jackass(es).

7. No School

If I were 12 years old (in physical age, to go with my 12 year old maturity level), this would probably be a lot higher on the list, but since I’m 21 (soon to be 22!) the lack of school isn’t as important. Plus I am graduating in a month so I won’t have any school regardless. Either way, everyone loves time off from school.

6. No Snow

I can’t think of anything good to say about snow. It’s cold. It’s wet. It’s hard to drive in. It makes everything really bright when it’s sunny out. It just all around sucks. Plus, I don’t take part in any snow activities; I find them cold and unpleasant. What is fun about snow? I just don’t get it. Why do I live in Minnesota?

5. Outdoor Activities

This is a broad category obviously, but really doing anything outside in the summer is enjoyable, other than maybe digging a ditch or something, but even that beats the hell out of shoveling a driveway. I guess this category is more of a shout out to games like capture the flag, kick the can, tag, and all the other games kids playing during summertime. Speaking of which, I miss those games. Anyone want to get together for a game of capture the flag sometime? You know it would be awesome.

4. Tank Tops and Mini Skirts

Call me a dirtball if you must, but who can argue with gorgeous tanned legs, and omnipresent cleavage. That’s right, I just said omnipresent cleavage. By the way, one of the best days of the year is when girls bust out their skirts and tank tops for the first time in the spring. It is like Christmas, but with more erections. Every high school and college male knows what I’m talking about.

3. Golf

Golf is fantastic because it is slow and lazy, but you can still convince yourself it is physical activity. It combines competition with a leisurely stroll through a park. You get the simple joys of the woods, the beach, and usually a pond or two, all while cursing at a little white ball. Who doesn’t love that? (Not too mention the tank topped and mini skirted drink cart girls.)

2. Warm Weather

This is pretty obvious, but warm weather is about a million times better than cold: Long days, sunshine, t shirts, shorts, bare feet, and so on and so forth. And, by the way, call me crazy but I love a good old fashioned 90 degrees and humid day or two. I don’t need them all the time, but there is something oddly satisfying about running around in the heat and working up a good sweat…

1. Baseball

The boys of summer. That really says it all doesn’t it? Baseball is absolutely the greatest thing in the world. It is the ultimate symbol for the season of eternal life. Baseball just oozes summertime: sun drenched summer afternoons, and beautiful, endless starry summer nights. The word “summer” equates to baseball, and the word “baseball” equates to summer. And, as far as symbolic sports for a season go, baseball is infinitely better than winter’s hockey. That is like comparing the Special Olympics to the regular Olympics.

I’m sure I forgot some things (like the Fourth of July), so please feel free to throw out some summertime love in the comments section. Or, if you disagree, and think winter is better than summer, feel free to state your case. You are very wrong, and I will openly ridicule you, but feel free to go for it.

Oh and as a final note, don't google "boys of summer." A whole lot of gay porn comes up.

-Juice

The Strasburg Effect

Remember Henry Rowengartner from Rookie of the Year? He threw around 100 mph, but had no off speed or breaking pitches. (Other than, of course, the floater.) Remember how he dominated hitters? Remember how he was the greatest pitcher ever?

Well now imagine if there was a junior at San Diego State with the same kind of fastball, no weird magically broken elbow, a mid-nineties slider, and a good changeup. Oh, and imagine he has impeccable control, having only walked 11 batters in 54.1 innings while striking 107. Yes, 107 strikeouts in 54.1 innings. Just imagine.

Now imagine if that player's agent was Scott Boras. Imagine if he were going to demand a 6 year $50 million contract before not only throwing a Major League pitch, but a professional pitch period. Just imagine.

Well guess what? That person exists. His name is Steven Strasburg, and he is being touted as one of, possibly the, greatest prospect of all time. The real life Henry Rowengartner. The next Cy Young. The man with the golden arm.

This is the man who could ruin baseball.

On the field, Strasburg is exactly what baseball needs to help distance the game from the steroid era - a dynamic young pitcher who could take the sport by storm. Financially, he could cripple the sport. Should he and Boras to make these ridiculous contract demands, or even worse, hold out by playing in an independent or Japanese league, it could set a damaging precedent. Future number one picks could say "If Strasburg held out for a mega-contract why shouldn't I?" This would mean the death of the small market franchise.

The economic outlook seemed to be turning with the Evan Longoria signing last season: a manageable contract for a young star player. Small market teams thrive on drafting players, developing those players, and signing them before their contract demands balloon out of control.

It is their only chance to establish a competitive club, and their means for establishing franchise continuity.

Small market clubs will go from not only being unable to afford top-notch established Major League talent, but the top notch prospects as well. They will be forced to pass over the best players in the draft, for fear they cannot sign them. Suddenly, teams like the Yankees will not only be stacked with veteran stars, but the most talented young players, as well. If you think the Yankees and Red Sox are loathsome now, just imagine if they are stealing away the few commodities small market teams can realistically acquire.

The natural order of baseball would be destroyed.

Moreover, in these economically precarious times, the last thing anybody needs is for an unproven, yet-to-be-drafted 21-year-old pitcher to make outrageous contract demands. If you think people are angry about fiscally irresponsible franchises now, just imagine the outcry if teams give into the Strasburg/Boras demands. People can only take so many of these absurd contracts before they finally snap.

But the fact is Strasburg has a choice. He can become one the most revered phenoms the game has ever seen; or he can become a reviled anti-hero.

The question is which will he be?

The man who accepts a reasonable contract because he loves the game of baseball? Or the man who demands an out of this world deal and sucks the life out of the game?

His payday will come regardless, but it should come only after he proves himself as a top-notch Major League talent; after he has established himself as an elite player. Not before he has even thrown a professional pitch.

The future of the game rests in Strasburg’s hands. Before deciding on that future, he should as himself one simple question: What would Henry Rowengartner do?

-Juice

Movie Ratings

I've decided to add a section on the blog where I give ratings for the movies I watch. Not a full review, but just a four star rating system, except instead of stars I am going to give a rating out of four juice boxes. Stars are boring.

I'll update it after every movie I watch so the movies will just switch randomly. I watch a fair number of movies, though, so it should update relatively often. Also, I have impeccable taste in movies, so this should be very beneficial to all of you.

And don't worry, there is still a full post coming later today.

-Juice

Welcome to the Duel

As some of you probably noticed, blogging has been lacking the last few days. Actually, I've basically disappeared of the face of the earth, or at the very least, the face of the blogging earth. I'm still alive though, don't worry.

Quite frankly, I blame Jesus (not for me still being alive, but for my lack of blogging). Of course, I blame Jesus for a lot of things, but this time it actually makes sense. Sort of.

I’m not going to badmouth Jesus, he seems like he was a pretty good guy, but I will say that his holiday threw of my blogging feng shui. Regardless, I am back now, and better than ever. Well maybe not, but at least I’m back.

I would also like to note that I think I have done more schoolwork in the last three days than I have in the rest of my academic career combined, which tends to put a dent in the amount of blogging. I never knew actually doing homework could be so time consuming. How do the nerds do it?

Anyway, like I said I’m back now, so the blogging will pick up again. I’ve got something coming tomorrow, the top ten on Friday, and the Random Thoughts will return on Saturday. And I know how much you goobers love the Random Thoughts.

Today, though, I would like to give you all a piece of advice: Watch the Real World Road Rules Challenge: The Duel II. As I sit here typing, I am watching a bunch or roided out guys in Speedos pushing around silicone filled females in bikinis sitting on ice blocks. It is the dumbest thing ever, and I love every second of it.

Basically, you have a group of the dumbest people on the planet living in a house together, performing these ridiculous physical challenges. I’m sure you are all familiar with the show, so I won’t waste my time explaining the premise in detail. Instead, I will give you a short synopsis of episode one so those people who aren't watching, realize what they are missing.

Basically, the biggest, craziest, most roided out bastard on the planet (CT), had sex with the resident fat girl with gigantic boobs (Shauvon, who is white by the way). Oh, and they did it on the roof. This, in turn, pissed of his ex-girlfriend (Diem the cancer survivor) who of course lives in the house with them. The way she found out about CT’s sexcapade was when one of the smallest guys in the house, and sworn enemy of CT (Adam), told Diem about his rooftop romp. Well Adam’s “talking shit” sent CT into a fit of rage, as he is prone do. Basically, the next 20 minutes of the episode featured CT going crazy, beating the shit out of Adam, and the rest of the housemates trying to control CT’s rage, although failing to do so even though there were about ten of them trying to keep the crazy gorilla under control. Does all that sound like something you might be interested in? Of course it does.

And, that’s not to mention all the petty bickering and completely ridiculous “alliance” forming between the competitors. It is absolutely fantastic television.

As exciting as that all sounds, I’m not even close to doing the show justice. You just need to watch. I promise you will not be disappointed. I know you are intrigued, so you know what? Stop reading and go watch. Seriously. Go. Now. Just come back tomorrow because there will be more blogging. I promise.

-Juice

Let the games begin

First off, Happy Easter. I am not a big Easter fan, but there is candy, usually a free meal with the family and oh so many hours of trying to catch that damn bunny. Anyway, when I say the games I don't mean the WNBA (are they playing this year? apparently they have a draft. who honestly knew that?) or the second week of baseball. (Sorry for the the parentheses, but what the fuck is with opening week? Opening day isn't enough? Is April opening month?)

The games I mean are the games kids play. Not games like jacks, hopscotch and red rover (even though red rover is a sweet game that leads to broken arms) but real games like kickball, dodgeball, four square and two-hand touch football.

As a kid, I loved recess. I loved anytime I could be outside. It wasn't so much as not being in class but it was the chance to show my athletic superiority to anyone who was willing to watch. Playing endless hours of kickball, baseball, dodgeball, etc. is what I remember most from my childhood. I can still tell you that in 4th and 5th grade I was always quarterback of one of the two teams and I could tell you who was first pick everytime. I still remember my first concussion (sort of) that I got when I slipped on ice in the bus shoot trying to catch a touchdown, that I of course caught.

But its not just the games that the pros play. Its games like steal the pin, take that and dodgeball that I miss and remember most. The incredible feeling of drilling some other kid in the back with a perfectly thrown Gator Ball as he ran away or the joy of being on the winning team when you in fact stole the pin from the enemy and crossed the line. Or even the thrill of scoring a goal in floor hockey which was invented for all the people like me who cant skate but still want to be Bobby Orr, Wayne Gretzky or that black guy who plays hockey.

I wonder if kids still love these games? Will my kids have memories like this? I really don't know, but I hope so. As Juice wrote in a past post kids today think playing baseball means playing Xbox. For them to workout they need a Wii Fit. For me, my friends from elementary school and every kid who ever loved recess, it was about the games. Picking teams, winning, losing, fighting, arguing but most of all playing. Whether you wore a Jerry Rice, Randy Moss or Brett Favre jersey in the fall you loved the games and remember them still.

Looking back I wish I had spent more time with those same guys as we got older. We still could have played the games, but as you get older you get busy. You have to get a summer job, you have practice for the high school team and its harder to get together for a good old fashioned game of whiffle ball, 3 on 3 hoops or dare I say four square on the elementary school courts.

-The Kicker

The End of an Era

Sports mirror life. This is an admittedly worn-out metaphor, and yet, it is wrapped in an undeniable truth. We watch sports because they give us the chance to hope, dream, laugh, cheer, and experience a complex gamut of emotions that almost seems impossible. We find little moments in sports that magnify our own existence, and mirror the ups and downs of our everyday lives.

Monday at the Metrodome marked the beginning of the end of an era. Oh, say what you will about the Metrodome, and I know we all have more than enough gripes, but the Twins undeniably spent their best years in that inflatable bubble.

This particular opening day was about more than a baseball stadium, however.

Opening day marks the beginning of summer. If you ask me, it is far and away the best day of the year. A day of looking forward, where everything lays ahead, and the cold, damp dreary days of winter give way to the sun splashed, endless days of summer. For Twins fans, this particular opening day resonated with the upcoming promise of outdoor baseball. One more summer in the dome before the final curtain falls, and the third act begins on the stage of Target Field.

Personally, I feel like the Metrodome has followed me through one long saga in my own life. And, as I sat around Sunday night, counting down the hours until first pitch the following day, I had an epiphany: I am ending an era right along with the Twins.

As a summer of baseball begins, the school year ends. For me, this may very well mean the end of my academic career. The end of an era. At age 22, the beginning of the baseball season illuminates the impending completion of my college career. Now, my 22 years may not be as impressive as the Metrodome's 27, but I like to think I avoided the 10 year slump the Metrodome experienced with the Twins of the mid to late nineties - the Ron Coomer years, if you will.

And, while one could argue that the beginning of the end of my academics started in January, at the beginning of the semester, this feeling of finality never really struck me until Twins home opener. This is the beginning of summer. This is the end of school. This is the end of an entire phase of my life. This is a mirror between the sports world and the real world.

This is a seemingly never ending time that produced an ever-ranging set of emotions:

-- Punching the couch in disgust as a college senior during the playoff chase of 2008. Punching the couch in joy during the Denard Span and Alexi Casilla fueled sweep of the White Sox. Punching the couch, once again in disgust, following the disappointing one game playoff.

-- Celebrating as a high school senior what, at the time, seemed to be a game winning home run off the bat of Torii Hunter against the Yankees in the ALDS, shattering my cell phone following the back breaking New York comeback, picking up the pieces and moving forward.

-- Watching as high school sophomore, bright eyed and innocent, as the Twins made their first playoff run I could actually remember in 2002; just happy to be along for the ride.

-- Playing sandlot baseball as a child in the early-to-mid nineties, when the Twins served no greater purpose than a dream future for a small child, entranced by the smile than one larger than life figure.

-- Sleeping in a crib at six months old as the Twins won their first ever World Series.

There is one thing each of these moments has in common: The Metrodome. Whether or not a given event actually occurred there, it has always been considered "baseball home." The one constant to always come back to, and the one place Twins fans could truly consider theirs.

Oh it may not be the perfect place, far from it in fact. It is a shoddy, awkward, run down, and an all around unfit for baseball dump. But it has always been our shoddy, awkward, run down, and all around unfit for baseball dump. It has always been our baseball home.

Our little baseball haven.

Like the Metrodome to Twins baseball, in my personal world life was built, aside from my actual house, around one constant: School. All the way from kindergarten through college was a relatively steady stream, with a few slight rapids along the way.

Kindergarten through sixth grade: Get up early, go to school, go home, repeat.

7th through 12th grade: Get up early, go to school, go to afterschool sports, go home, repeat.

College: Get up as late as possible, barely make it to class on time, go back to dorm/apartment, drink beer, repeat.

Nothing seemed to change.

Now I get to sit back and watch as two of the staples in my life come to a close. I get to wonder what comes next. I get to think about the future. I get to experience new beginnings. I get to explore new things.

I get to move on.

As I watch the final season of the Metrodome unfold, and a professional baseball franchise move towards their rightful place on the natural grass, under the endless night sky, I look forward to my own next step. As the Twins close an era that seemed to never end, I close an era that a small part of me wishes would never end.

But, as one era closes, another inevitably begins.

-Juice

Final Dome Opener

Monday was the final home opener at the Metrodome. The end of an era. Albeit an era of the ugliest and most ridiculous stadium in baseball, but the end of an era nonetheless. And you know what? I will miss the Metrodome. Seriously. It may have been a shit hole, but it was our shit hole. I saw my first Major League game there, and have countless memories stemming from time spent inside the mushroom cloud of baseball. There are some great memories from the 27 years spent in the Metrodome, and no matter what anybody says, they will miss that stadium. At least a little. Should we be ecstatic for outdoor baseball? Of course. But we should savor the years in the dome, and realize moving on is at least a little bittersweet.

There is plenty of time to get all sappy about the dome years, though. Now is the time to revel in the opening of a new baseball season. As far as openers go, this was the second worst I have ever been to. Right behind 2005 when the Twins lost to the White Sox and I almost got killed several times during batting practice. Screw off Carl Everett.

But anyway. Here are some pictures chronicling the final dome opener. Enjoy.

I realized on my way into the game I had never take a picture of the outside of the Metrodome before. Of course, you can see why. I would also like to note the guy in the foreground of the picture was handing out fliers begging for someone to save the Star Tribune. It probably isn't a good sign when your company is asking random patrons of a baseball game to buy your bankrupt newspaper...

Opening Day 2009! In hindsight I should have taken a picture of the swastika holding the dome up. Live and learn I guess.

Bet you didn't think the baggy could get an uglier. Oh and by the way, now that Dodge has fallen off the face of the earth, there is no Dodge advertising anywhere in the Dome, which also means they no longer play "Dodge Ball." Instead, they now have people try and throw a ball into a giant inflatable ice cream carton to try and win free ice cream. The lack of "Dodge Ball" may very well be the worst thing about the auto industry going in the crapper. Couldn't, though, The Twins and Stanley have come up with something at least slightly better to put on the baggy? That is atrocious.

The Kicker and I attending our final dome opener. I was going to crop the awkward girls sitting behind us out of the picture, but I thought it would be funnier if I left them in. One of them was from Fargo and at one point said "I was hoping I would get fired from my job during the flood." They weren't the sharpest tools in the shed; although, they weren't as douchey as the guys sitting next to me. We also saw a woman who was so fat that she may or may not have been wearing a tarp. Word is the Twins will donate the baggy to her at the end of the year, though, so that is nice of them. I guess when you get 50,000 people together in one building they can't all be winners.

Okay, so technically this picture is from last year's opener, but how awesome is that? He is rocking an authentic Yoda Twins jersey. And, if you are wondering, Yoda did in fact have a cup of coffee with the Twins circa 1983. He wasn't around very long because it turns out the Jedi Master couldn't hit a curveball. Who knew?

I have this absurd talent for always getting the top of someones head in the pictures I take. Maybe I can become famous by passing it off as art. You know, since 90% of art is shit. By the way I like the Twins throwback jerseys they are rocking this year. Sexy.

I always enjoy the beginning of games when they announce the starting lineups. There is something strangely satisfying about the crowd giving awkwardly loud ovations to Glen Perkins and Nick Blackburn.

Again with the random head in the corner of the picture. In this particular case the guy had awkwardly greasy hair. You can't really tell from this picture, but trust me, was it ever greasy.

First pitch of 2009! Man did we have bad seats. Although, technically, there really aren't any good seats in the Metrodome, so who can really complain? Actually, though, this picture makes us look further away than we actually were because it is so small. Although, we were also 100% sure that Carlos Gomez made the catch on Franklin Guttierrez's home run so 100% visibility was in fact lacking.

I randomly took an action shot of Morneau grounding out in the first inning. I think I was technically trying to take a picture before the pitch and just failed spectacularly, but the end result is kind of cool. Had I taken the picture a split second later we would have had visual proof that Morneau was safe and I could have created a blogosphere controversy. Oh well.

Ken Griffey Jr's triumphant return to the Mariners. It probably isn't a good sign when the highlight of the game was a home run for the other team. Griffey was my favorite player growing up, however, so it was kind of cool.

How awkward does The Kicker look? It's like Val Kilmer when he let himself go post Batman. And, if you are wondering, we took pictures a Twins construction helmet to symbolize our excitement for Target Field.

Hopefully they let the mentally retarded into Target Field...

-Juice

Sports Quotes, NCAA Tourney and Opening Day

Alright, so Opening Day for most teams was the same day as the NCAA Men's Final. I don't care, especially this year because the basketball game sucked. I just find it funny how much Opening Day overshadowed the basketball final. Would it have been different had the game been close? Probably. But Opening Day in baseball is something special, its the best baseball day of the year and even though the Twins lost, Juice and I made our 7th consecutive Home Opener. (More stories, pictures, thoughts and rants to come on this later but for a sneak preview...there is reference to a tarp, reminisces of past openers and of course Dome Dogs).

Now that I got that pesky men's national championship out of the way I want to point out that I don't know one person who could name even one player from the Connecticut women's team who is considered one of the best teams ever. Just saying.

Now, for sports quotes and Opening Day. Out of curiosity I Googled baseball quotes and found some really good ones. This isn't because of hard research, I clicked on the first link. The quotes range from players, fans, managers, owners and any other person you can imagine. Are they all great? No, far from it. But the reason this is relevant is because like sports movies, the best sports quotes involve baseball. I love baseball, Opening Day and sports quotes so it combines three of my passions.

This is admittedly a random post but I needed to post, it had been a long time. Also, I am really really tired and going to jump into my bed (literally jump, my bed is like 4ft high but my roommates is 8ft so I feel fine about my situation) and sleep until I wake up. So...hopefully this wasn't too weird and random if it was, you'll live.

-The Kicker

Random Thoughts...

...30 Rock is better than The Office. I just thought you should all know that. (Juice)

...How stupid are the Minnesota Timberwolves? They are still trying to win games, even though they rarely win, every win hurts, ass faces. (The Kicker)

...There was a poll on espn.com after Gary Sheffield was released by the Tigers that asked "Would you want your favorite team to sign Gary Sheffield?" The only state where the majority answered "yes" (although barely) was Mississippi. It can't be a good sign when the only state that wants you, doesn't actually have a team. (Juice)

...Reader Karl Heine asked about Minnesota Boys Mr. Basketball finalists and pointed out that Nate Wolters should be in the Top 5. I look at this like the NBA MVP. Is Nate Wolters the best player in the state? I don't think so but he is one of the top 5 most valuable players to his team. If you took any of the other finalists off of their team they would likely be a very good team still. It's sort of like Lebron and Kobe. Who is better? That's debatable. I would give the edge to Lebron but its more because of what he means to his team rather than being more talented. If you take the best player off of a team and they go from 30 wins to 10 wins that player is more valuable than taking a player off a 30 win team and they drop to 20 wins. So yes Karl, I agree Nate Wolters belongs in the Top 5 and is one of the most valuable players to his team in the state, maybe the most valuable. (The Kicker)

...Hehe. (Juice)

...Zygi Wilf either needs to fire Brad Childress or step up and say "I don't give a damn what you think we're getting Jay Cutler." Personally, I prefer firing him. Either way, this is completely ridiculous. (Juice)

...So I wanted Cutler on the Vikings, but the Bears definitely gave up way too much for him. However, the Vikings still need a quarterback and Chilly is still a worthless idiot. (Juice)

...I have one leftover thought about the MLB preview posts. Making Rookie of the Year picks is like going to a whore house - it's basically complete crap shoot, anyone can be the best, and the one's you expect to be the best often disappoint. (Juice)

...Milk is a pretty good movie, but there is a whole lot more Sean Penn making out with guys than I expected. I recommend watching the movie, but just get ready for substantial amount of guy on guy action. (Juice)

...I think I'm going through "senioritis" right now. Of course, I think I've been going through "senioritis" since I was in kindergarten so maybe I'm actually just lazy. (Juice)

...Hey look I was called a communist. I've never been so proud. (Juice)

...If anyone ever asks you to go to a place called the Other Place bar, just say no. Trust me. You are better off just saying no. (Juice)

...If you would like to die a little on the inside, look at the prices people want for Yankees tickets on Stubhub. For that matter, look how much people want for crappy Twins tickets. I thought we were in a recession? (Juice)

...And last, but certainly not last, baseball is back! HOO HA! (Juice)

Weekly Top Ten: Baseball in Pop Culture

Well baseball week is coming to a close. Of course, that just means we now have seven months of meaningful baseball games, so who can really complain?

As the grand finale for the week, I am presenting my top ten list of baseball related themes in popular culture. And, yes, I realize baseball itself is part of popular culture. This list, however, is not on the field things such as Yankee Stadium, specific players, etc. that have infiltrated popular culture themselves, but rather movies, literature, music, and basically just anything interesting that has spawned off the field, from the game on the field.

And away we go.

10. "Centerfield" by John Fogerty/"The Greatest" by Kenny Rogers

There isn't a whole lot of good music based on baseball. (Aside, of course, from one iconic song that may or may not appear on this list. You'll just have to keep reading to find out. Or you can scroll down a little ways. It is up to you.) I was trying to choose between "Centerfield" and "The Greatest," then figured, screw it, I'll just make them tied for tenth place. "Centerfield," gets bonus points for appearing in Little Big League, though.

9. "Who's on First?" by Abott and Costello

Honestly, I'm a little surprised this sketch has become so iconic. It is funny the first time you watch it, but it actually gets pretty annoying after awhile. I still enjoy it, and I think everyone should at least listen to the sketch once (it is pretty dated if you watch the video) but I don't really need to see it over and over again. "Who's on First?" is an enjoyable classic, but that is about it. Of course, if Abbott and Costello were considered the premiere comedy act of the 1940s, that in and of itself is an issue.

8. Fantasy Baseball

While not the most popular fantasy sport anymore, baseball is the sport that spawned the fantasy craze. Baseball is a numbers game. Fantasy sports are based on numbers. And, by the way, anyone who says that sports fans aren't nerds, is either a sports fan that is in denial, or a misinformed fool. Sports fans are the biggest nerds of all. I blame the athletes themselves for this misconception. Many athletes are, in fact, not sports fans (75% of all athletes, and 90% of the NBA), and ergo are not nerds. Then, you have a much smaller portion of athletes who are actually sports fans, ultimately making them nerds as well. The disparity between the number of atheletes who are, and are not, real sports fans is the reason there is such a disconnect between athletes and the fans. The fans actually care more about sports than the athletes themselves. Ironic isn't it?

7. Classic Video Games

I enjoy playing new age video games as much as the next guy, but no graphics or realistic features can replace the nostalgia and joy of games such as Major League Manager, Hardball 5, and Tony La Russa Baseball (those are the classics I played, but there are plenty of others out there as well). The greatest of all, however, may have been the pinball machines that popped out a baseball card as a prize if you won. Remember those? I once won a 1993 Topps Manny Alexander card from one of those games. Manny Alexander, if you are wondering, was one of the Baltimore Orioles top prospects at the time, and was ultimately "supposed to" replace Cal Ripken Jr. at shortstop. That didn't work out so well.

6. "Casey at the Bat" by Ernest Thayer

Anyone else remember this cartoon? They used to play it on the Disney Channel when I was a young lad watching such shows as Under the Umbrella Tree. Those were the days, my friends, those were the days.

5. The Simpsons "Talkin Softball" episode

C - Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile

1B -Don Mattingly

2B - Steve Sax and his run-in with the law

3B - Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the bar room tile

SS - Ozzie Smith

OF - Daryl Strawberry

OF - Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw

OF - Jose Canseco

That is a list of all the players who cameoed in this episode, along with the lyrics in the song about why they were forced to leave the team. Those player's whose ailments were not listed in the "Talkin Softball' song (the parody of "Talkin Baseball") had the following issues:

Don Mattingly - cut from team by Mr. Burns for not shaving his sideburns, even though he actually did.

Ozzie Smith - Fell into a black hole and disappeared

Daryl Strawberry - Only player not actually cut, but ends up being pinch hit for by Homer because Mr. Burns is "playing the percentages"

Jose Canseco - Doesn't make it to the game because he is helping a lady save things from her burning house.

Then of course there is Homer who wins the championship by getting beaned with the bases loaded.

I would just like to note, by the way, I did all that the top of my head. Let's just move on...

4. Field of Dreams

I wrote about Field of Dreams in my list of best movies back in February, so you can read what I had to say there. I would, however, like to note I am basically using Field of Dreams to represent all the great baseball movies (The Natural, Bull Durham, Major League, etc.) because I feel it is the most transcendent of all baseball related films. The full meaning really goes beyond baseball. I'm not trying to short change other baseball movies, I just felt like Field of Dreams was the best representation of the lot. But with that said...

3. The Sandlot

Who doesn't love The Sandlot? If you were born in the late eighties, this is one of the top five most memorable movies of your childhood. Guaranteed. If not, you are a bad person. The Sandlot is funny, charming, nostalgic, heartwarming and, even if you don't like baseball, it takes you back to your childhood. Quite simply, it is without a doubt the greatest children's movie of all time. Nothing even comes close. Suck it Might Ducks. (Just kidding, I love Mighty Ducks, but it pales in comparison to The Sandlot).

2. "Take me Out to the Ballgame"

I'm pretty sure more people know the lyrics to "Take me out to the Ballgame" than the "Star Spangled Banner." Maybe I'm making that up, but I swear I heard that somewhere. If anyone knows the answer please enlighten me. Regardless, if you don't know "Take me Out to the Ballgame," there is something wrong with you. In fact, if I ever meet an English speaking person who has spent a substantial amount of time in the United States and doesn't know the words to "Take me Out to the Ballgame," I will challenge them to a fight. So if you are reading this, and are ignorant to said lyrics, bring it on. I guarantee your defeat, because anyone of that ilk could never be victorious at anything.

1. Baseball Cards

Everyone collects things. If you do not collect something, it means you do not have the capacity to love; unless, of course, you collect something weird like feces. Or stamps. In that case you are just weird. Baseball cards, however, are the ultimate collectors item. They are fun for all ages. Nothing beats a good baseball card. And I would just like to say to anyone who sells their baseball card collection as an adult: shame on you. You are selling away a piece of your childhood, and I promise you will regret it. Unless you would like to sell them to me for a reasonable price. In that case, more power to you.

-Juice