Random Thoughts...

..."An angry young man with plenty of ability..." That is how ESPN describes Elijah Dukes in its fantasy projection section on espn.com. Seriously. Look. You can't make this stuff up. (Juice)

...My girlfriend and I were watching The Millionaire Matchmaker the other day, and the millionaire who was trying to be matched up was former NFL "star" Matthew Hatchette. My mind was blown by seeing the former Viking on this show ,but I was even more surprised to learn that Hatchette is a millionaire (The Kicker)

...What happened to the days when athletes had cool nicknames? The Admiral, The Mailman, The Big Hurt, The Big Unit, The Juice (OJ not me), The Splendid Splinter, The Say Hey Kid, The Georgia Peach, Pistol Pete, etc. There are no fun nicknames anymore. Now all we get is the shortening of a person's name or their initials: LT, MJ, Arod, Irod, CP3 etc. It is just lame. People aren't clever anymore or what? (Juice)

...Is there a worse feeling than waking up 20 minutes before your alarm goes off? (The Kicker)

...I'm going to say "yes," and go with sodomy. (Juice)

..."Ashton Kutcher is first to reach 1 million followers in Twitter contest with CNN." That was breaking news on CNN Thursday night. What the hell is the world coming to? I thought breaking news was for things that actually mattered? Plus I saw Ashton Kutcher's name and got all excited because I thought he was dead. I was sorely disappointed. Ok. Just kidding. That was mean. He is a giant tool though. (Juice)

...Ha. Take that fatty. (Juice)

..John Madden announced his retirement a few days ago. And, while I know how much everyone complains about him, and mocks him, I also know that everyone is going to miss him. You know it's true. If nothing else you will definitely miss his incoherent rambling and overuse of the word "penetration." Ah, memories... (Juice)

...There was a shot of Scott Baker and Kevin Slowey in the dugout on Wednesday, after Baker had gotten lit up for 6 runs in 4 innings, where Slowey is sitting there looking like he is explaining a physics problem and Baker has the "get the fuck away from me I just gave up 6 runs in 4 innings" look on his face. It made me smile. I enjoy the overly close, possibly homoerotic relationship between Slowey, Baker, Nick Blackburn, and Glenn Perkins. Of course I would enjoy it a hell of a lot more if they weren't getting lit up every time they take the mound... (Juice)

...Wow. (The Kicker)

...Asher Roth is the biggest tool on the planet. If you don't know who I'm talking about, he is the guy who sings this terrible song. I hate Asher Roth. He is terrible at everything; or, at least, he is terrible at making music, and based on what little I know about him, I assume he has no other talents. Not only that, but he is the whitest person on the planet and is trying to rap. It's like if Zac Efron decided to start rapping, but worse. Normally I would be afraid to make fun of rappers, you know since they all carry guns and have gigantic posses, but I don't think that is the case with Asher Roth. And, if he does have posse, it is probably the cast of Gossip Girl or some shit anyway. Scary. (Juice)

...I wrote about how awesome the Real World Road Rules Challenge is the other day, but what I forgot to mention is the completely ridiculous, completely hilarious, and possibly offensive opening credits. I don't even know what to say about them so just watch for yourselves. (Juice)

...Norm Coleman needs to just go away. Mr. Coleman, you are a weasel and nobody wants you around anymore. Just go away. You lost. Deal with it. Remember at the very beginning of the recount process when you thought you won and said if you were in Al Franken shoes you wouldn't put people through a lengthy recount? How's that working out for you? Seriously, everyone is sick you of you. Your daughter is kind of cute though. (Juice)

...The staff of College Humor have reached their apex with this video. (Juice)

...The story about missing St Thomas student Daniel Zamlen bothers me. Aside from the obvious fact that the whole situation is depressing, I have to say the case is being handled poorly. Being an eternal conspiracy theorist, I have always believed there is a serial killer situation with all the college aged males who have disappeared in the Midwest in the last few years, but that isn't even the point. What bothers me the most about this case is if this were a female who disappeared, everyone would immediately assume it was an abduction or assault and take the situation more seriously. Instead, it is a male so the process has dragged out to the point where solving the case is nearly impossible. It just seems like the police should take the case more seriously, especially when you consider the friend who hear him cry for help over the phone. Instead of just claiming that never actually happened (which is what the cops are doing) maybe that should actually be investigated. This kid didn't just randomly disappear. That doesn't make any sense. (Juice)

...Sorry. That was kind of a downer. Here's a picture of some puppies to make you feel better. (Juice)

...And finally, I stole this from my brother, who stole it from someone else, who probably stole it from someone else, so I'm not sure where it came from, but it makes me smile nonetheless. And it is actually pretty solid advice:

On a freezing cold day, in a farm field, a mother rabbit is leading her bunnies back to the warmth of their den. But the bunnies are so cold that they can't go on. So the mother, thinking quickly, sees a fresh, steaming cow pie nearby. She leads her bunnies to the cow pie and, one by one, sticks them in it. Just then, a nasty fox comes along, plucks the bunnies out of the cow pie and eats them.

The moral of the story: Not everyone that sticks you in a world of shit means you harm, and not everyone who pulls you out is your friend. (Juice)