Today's Game Has Been Delayed

Today was going to be a good day. I slept well, woke up around 9:30am and was ready to go. After a quick bowl of cereal and a long shower (long showers are my favorite, sorry Mother Nature) I did some homework, studied a bit but planned my day around the 11:35am CST first pitch of the Twins @ Red Sox game.

I was anticipating a decent game as both teams had been playing well. The Sox were had 42 year old knuckleballer Tim Wakefield on the mound against the Twins Scott Baker. Well, part way through the third inning I decided it should be Scott "Take me deep" Baker, or various other versions of his name taking it hard, long and deep. However, Wakefield was baffling Twins hitters as they constantly hit weak popups and failed to get anything going. Then the rain came.

In this case, rain doesn't help the Twins as they were down 10-1 in the 8th. As the game went from boring to delayed, I realized that Twins fans everywhere should take note.

Next year, when outdoor baseball arrives in Minnesota, we better prepare for more than our fair share of delays and cancellations. Now, I don't mind this. It makes for some double headers, less fans after the rain delay and great stories about how I spent 9 hours to watch a game because the snow plow broke down.

I am going to be disappointed when a game is rained/snowed out because I love watching the Twins on TV. But, I will take a few more baseballless (thats a lot of consecutive Ls) nights in the summer for the glory of outdoor baseball. Sitting outside on a Wednesday night, 75 degrees, stars are shining, Twins are playing. Not a better feeling in the sports world than a good outdoor baseball game.

So as we move forward Twins fans, we must remember there will be rainouts. There might be snowouts but there undoubtedly will be great games, memories and yes, even weather as we transition from the marshmallow known as the Dome to Target Field, where the Twins and Spot the Dog will call home.

-The Kicker

NFL Draft: The Preview

I am not a draft lover. I like the draft, I like to see who my favorite team picks and how far "guaranteed" top 10 picks can fall (ala Aaron Rodgers) but no one actually likes the draft, besides Mel Kiper Jr.

Pick #1 belongs to the lowly Detroit Lions. If they select a quarterback, his career is basically fucked. You can't win with that team, no matter how good Calvin Johnson is. With a putrid defense, an offensive line that couldn't block me and Juice and an overall football attitude of "we suck", its doomed to fail. Now, I don't care how bad the Lions mess up someones career, they have an awesome new logo (PLEASE note the sarcasm)

But my issues with the draft extend FAR beyond the first overall pick, but mainly rest between each pick. Football is a slow game. No one in their right mind can deny that football games, especially pro, should be sped up. As much as I love watching a touchdown, PAT, commercial, kickoff, commercial sequence...it gets a little old. So the 15 minutes (it might be 10 minutes now?) between picks is a bit much. If it is 15 minutes between picks it takes just over an hour to get through pick #4. Unless of course Mike Tice is drafting an picks come rapid fire because of some goofy rule that says when your time is up, its everyone elses turn. Granted, only Mike Tice would ever allow that to happen.

The insane time allotments aside, is there any event more over-hyped than the NFL Draft? How many of these players will matter next year? And of the players who matter how many will you actually notice? ESPN's Todd McShay has four offensive tackles going in the top 10. Yea, 40% of the top ten is offensive lineman. I understand the importance of the O-line, and Detroits newest quarterback will wish he had a capable one, but how boring is it going to be to hear Mel Kiper go on and on about the ability of these very large men to block? Thats a great way to spend your Saturday!

Even after the annoyance of waiting hours to see picks, hearing analyst ramble on about good and bad picks (apparently each of them is unbelievably knowledgeable and could do a better job running a team, but just doesnt want to and turns down offers every year) the worst part of the draft and I mean the worst part is how every somewhat talented guy who gets drafted too late has character issues or is a steal. No one ever just falls because of the position they play or lack of competition they faced in college. I realize not all NFL players are great people (See: Jones, Adam "Pacman") but sometimes teams just dont want or like a guy because of how he plays.

So sorry to Mel Kiper Jr. and his fellow analyst but I will not be watching your coverage this year. The only interesting subplots to me are who my team drafts and how loud the New York Jets fans can boo when their team drafts.

-The Kicker

Where Bigger Than the Game Happens

My lack of caring about the NBA is well documented. I'm just not a fan. The league doesn’t produce interesting or compelling basketball. This is the reason I prefer college, or even high school, hoops. Not that I am a huge fan of those either, but I enjoy the occasional basketball game from time to time.

With that said, I may actually watch the NBA Finals under one circumstance: Los Angeles Lakers vs. Cleveland Cavaliers.

Now, I wouldn't watch every game, or even really care who wins (although I do prefer Lebron over Kobe), but I might watch with relative interest. It could potentially be one of those epic matchups in sports history. Or it could be a complete dud. Luckily, though, the NBA is completely rigged so we're guaranteed to find out.

Can't you just see David Stern dressed up as, let’s say, the Hamburglar, running up to Kevin Garnett, and smacking him in the knee with a lead pipe, all while laughing hysterically and screaming "it's Lebron's turn bitch, you're old news!"? Because I certainly can. If we have learned anything over the years of “random” ping pong balls on draft lottery day, and referee scandals, it is that David Stern is a maniac who has complete control over everything in the NBA. Things always go his way, because he makes sure they do.

The three man veteran show of the Boston Celtics was the compelling story last year, but now there is only one thing anybody cares about: Kobe vs Lebron. With all due respect to Chris Paul, Dwayne Wade, and the unbelievably ripped Dwight Howard, nobody outside of your respective cities actually wants to watch you succeed. You just aren't interesting.

The reason for this is fairly simple: The NBA is built around players rather than teams.

Which, might I add, is completely the NBA marketing department’s fault. Pimping players instead of teams is just how the NBA has always done things. Players are bigger than the team, and the biggest players are even bigger than the game. This just isn’t the case in other sports.

Take for example Alex Rodriguez and Tom Brady, arguably the biggest stars of their respective sports. Each was injured at the beginning of the season, and either missed the whole year (Brady) or has yet to come back (Arod). Yet, nobody even bats an eyelash. Sure their ailments created fodder for awhile, but their time off never deterred fans from watching baseball or football, or following their favorite team.

Now just imagine if Kobe or Lebron tore an ACL. See you later. Bandwagon is empty. Maybe less so in the Lakers case, but people would abandon the Cavs faster than Benny “the Jet” Rodriguez stealing home. And, furthermore, the NBA’s ratings and attendance as a whole would take a hit. People tune into watch the stars, not the teams.

I am definitely the same way. I couldn’t possibly care less about any professional basketball team, but I do find the Kobe vs. Lebron matchup at least marginally compelling. And, quite frankly, I would rather watch Kobe and Lebron play one on one and just go without the rest of the players on the court (no offense to D.J. Mbenga or Sasha Pavlovic).

Pimping stars is just the way NBA works. Luckily that means an all but guaranteed collision course for the Lakers and Cavs in the finals. David Stern will see to it.

Maybe though, for the sake of full disclosure, he should change the NBA slogan to “where bigger than the game happens.”

-Juice

Random Thoughts...

..."An angry young man with plenty of ability..." That is how ESPN describes Elijah Dukes in its fantasy projection section on espn.com. Seriously. Look. You can't make this stuff up. (Juice)

...My girlfriend and I were watching The Millionaire Matchmaker the other day, and the millionaire who was trying to be matched up was former NFL "star" Matthew Hatchette. My mind was blown by seeing the former Viking on this show ,but I was even more surprised to learn that Hatchette is a millionaire (The Kicker)

...What happened to the days when athletes had cool nicknames? The Admiral, The Mailman, The Big Hurt, The Big Unit, The Juice (OJ not me), The Splendid Splinter, The Say Hey Kid, The Georgia Peach, Pistol Pete, etc. There are no fun nicknames anymore. Now all we get is the shortening of a person's name or their initials: LT, MJ, Arod, Irod, CP3 etc. It is just lame. People aren't clever anymore or what? (Juice)

...Is there a worse feeling than waking up 20 minutes before your alarm goes off? (The Kicker)

...I'm going to say "yes," and go with sodomy. (Juice)

..."Ashton Kutcher is first to reach 1 million followers in Twitter contest with CNN." That was breaking news on CNN Thursday night. What the hell is the world coming to? I thought breaking news was for things that actually mattered? Plus I saw Ashton Kutcher's name and got all excited because I thought he was dead. I was sorely disappointed. Ok. Just kidding. That was mean. He is a giant tool though. (Juice)

...Ha. Take that fatty. (Juice)

..John Madden announced his retirement a few days ago. And, while I know how much everyone complains about him, and mocks him, I also know that everyone is going to miss him. You know it's true. If nothing else you will definitely miss his incoherent rambling and overuse of the word "penetration." Ah, memories... (Juice)

...There was a shot of Scott Baker and Kevin Slowey in the dugout on Wednesday, after Baker had gotten lit up for 6 runs in 4 innings, where Slowey is sitting there looking like he is explaining a physics problem and Baker has the "get the fuck away from me I just gave up 6 runs in 4 innings" look on his face. It made me smile. I enjoy the overly close, possibly homoerotic relationship between Slowey, Baker, Nick Blackburn, and Glenn Perkins. Of course I would enjoy it a hell of a lot more if they weren't getting lit up every time they take the mound... (Juice)

...Wow. (The Kicker)

...Asher Roth is the biggest tool on the planet. If you don't know who I'm talking about, he is the guy who sings this terrible song. I hate Asher Roth. He is terrible at everything; or, at least, he is terrible at making music, and based on what little I know about him, I assume he has no other talents. Not only that, but he is the whitest person on the planet and is trying to rap. It's like if Zac Efron decided to start rapping, but worse. Normally I would be afraid to make fun of rappers, you know since they all carry guns and have gigantic posses, but I don't think that is the case with Asher Roth. And, if he does have posse, it is probably the cast of Gossip Girl or some shit anyway. Scary. (Juice)

...I wrote about how awesome the Real World Road Rules Challenge is the other day, but what I forgot to mention is the completely ridiculous, completely hilarious, and possibly offensive opening credits. I don't even know what to say about them so just watch for yourselves. (Juice)

...Norm Coleman needs to just go away. Mr. Coleman, you are a weasel and nobody wants you around anymore. Just go away. You lost. Deal with it. Remember at the very beginning of the recount process when you thought you won and said if you were in Al Franken shoes you wouldn't put people through a lengthy recount? How's that working out for you? Seriously, everyone is sick you of you. Your daughter is kind of cute though. (Juice)

...The staff of College Humor have reached their apex with this video. (Juice)

...The story about missing St Thomas student Daniel Zamlen bothers me. Aside from the obvious fact that the whole situation is depressing, I have to say the case is being handled poorly. Being an eternal conspiracy theorist, I have always believed there is a serial killer situation with all the college aged males who have disappeared in the Midwest in the last few years, but that isn't even the point. What bothers me the most about this case is if this were a female who disappeared, everyone would immediately assume it was an abduction or assault and take the situation more seriously. Instead, it is a male so the process has dragged out to the point where solving the case is nearly impossible. It just seems like the police should take the case more seriously, especially when you consider the friend who hear him cry for help over the phone. Instead of just claiming that never actually happened (which is what the cops are doing) maybe that should actually be investigated. This kid didn't just randomly disappear. That doesn't make any sense. (Juice)

...Sorry. That was kind of a downer. Here's a picture of some puppies to make you feel better. (Juice)

...And finally, I stole this from my brother, who stole it from someone else, who probably stole it from someone else, so I'm not sure where it came from, but it makes me smile nonetheless. And it is actually pretty solid advice:

On a freezing cold day, in a farm field, a mother rabbit is leading her bunnies back to the warmth of their den. But the bunnies are so cold that they can't go on. So the mother, thinking quickly, sees a fresh, steaming cow pie nearby. She leads her bunnies to the cow pie and, one by one, sticks them in it. Just then, a nasty fox comes along, plucks the bunnies out of the cow pie and eats them.

The moral of the story: Not everyone that sticks you in a world of shit means you harm, and not everyone who pulls you out is your friend. (Juice)

Weekly Top Ten: Reasons Summer is better than Winter

It was 72 degrees today, and it is about freaking time the weather warms up. Of course, it is supposed to snow on Sunday, but that is beside the point. I hate winter. A lot. On the flip side, I love summer. With that in mind, today I'm running down the top ten reasons summer is better than winter.

10. Thunderstorms

Who doesn’t love a good thunderstorm? It is like a blizzard, except not unpleasant in every single way. There is no better time to sleep than with the pitter patter of rain on the roof as you lay in bed. I defy anyone to say something bad about a thunderstorm, aside from severe ones that turn into tornados. Those aren’t as much fun. Still beats the hell out of a blizzard though.

9. Grilling/Bonfires

I combined these into one thing because they are relatively similar, mostly because they both involve fire. Who doesn’t love fire? The fact is there are few better foods on the planet than a burger grilled over charcoal (never gas). I love a good burger with some potato (pronounced potata) salad. Delicious. Follow that up with a bonfire and some beers, and you have yourself a pretty good little summer evening. I long for summer…

8. Flip Flops

I hate shoes. HATE THEM. I have officially switched into flip flop mode from here on out, which basically means my feet won’t be shoed (aside from for situation where shoes are required) until Octoberish. Free and easy, that’s the way I like it. And, by the way, the fact that shoes even exist, pisses me off. If the person(s) who invented shoes hadn’t been pansies, and rocked the flip flops year round, we would have evolved to the point where shoes wouldn’t be necessary, even during the colder months. Thanks a lot shoe inventing jackass(es).

7. No School

If I were 12 years old (in physical age, to go with my 12 year old maturity level), this would probably be a lot higher on the list, but since I’m 21 (soon to be 22!) the lack of school isn’t as important. Plus I am graduating in a month so I won’t have any school regardless. Either way, everyone loves time off from school.

6. No Snow

I can’t think of anything good to say about snow. It’s cold. It’s wet. It’s hard to drive in. It makes everything really bright when it’s sunny out. It just all around sucks. Plus, I don’t take part in any snow activities; I find them cold and unpleasant. What is fun about snow? I just don’t get it. Why do I live in Minnesota?

5. Outdoor Activities

This is a broad category obviously, but really doing anything outside in the summer is enjoyable, other than maybe digging a ditch or something, but even that beats the hell out of shoveling a driveway. I guess this category is more of a shout out to games like capture the flag, kick the can, tag, and all the other games kids playing during summertime. Speaking of which, I miss those games. Anyone want to get together for a game of capture the flag sometime? You know it would be awesome.

4. Tank Tops and Mini Skirts

Call me a dirtball if you must, but who can argue with gorgeous tanned legs, and omnipresent cleavage. That’s right, I just said omnipresent cleavage. By the way, one of the best days of the year is when girls bust out their skirts and tank tops for the first time in the spring. It is like Christmas, but with more erections. Every high school and college male knows what I’m talking about.

3. Golf

Golf is fantastic because it is slow and lazy, but you can still convince yourself it is physical activity. It combines competition with a leisurely stroll through a park. You get the simple joys of the woods, the beach, and usually a pond or two, all while cursing at a little white ball. Who doesn’t love that? (Not too mention the tank topped and mini skirted drink cart girls.)

2. Warm Weather

This is pretty obvious, but warm weather is about a million times better than cold: Long days, sunshine, t shirts, shorts, bare feet, and so on and so forth. And, by the way, call me crazy but I love a good old fashioned 90 degrees and humid day or two. I don’t need them all the time, but there is something oddly satisfying about running around in the heat and working up a good sweat…

1. Baseball

The boys of summer. That really says it all doesn’t it? Baseball is absolutely the greatest thing in the world. It is the ultimate symbol for the season of eternal life. Baseball just oozes summertime: sun drenched summer afternoons, and beautiful, endless starry summer nights. The word “summer” equates to baseball, and the word “baseball” equates to summer. And, as far as symbolic sports for a season go, baseball is infinitely better than winter’s hockey. That is like comparing the Special Olympics to the regular Olympics.

I’m sure I forgot some things (like the Fourth of July), so please feel free to throw out some summertime love in the comments section. Or, if you disagree, and think winter is better than summer, feel free to state your case. You are very wrong, and I will openly ridicule you, but feel free to go for it.

Oh and as a final note, don't google "boys of summer." A whole lot of gay porn comes up.

-Juice

The Strasburg Effect

Remember Henry Rowengartner from Rookie of the Year? He threw around 100 mph, but had no off speed or breaking pitches. (Other than, of course, the floater.) Remember how he dominated hitters? Remember how he was the greatest pitcher ever?

Well now imagine if there was a junior at San Diego State with the same kind of fastball, no weird magically broken elbow, a mid-nineties slider, and a good changeup. Oh, and imagine he has impeccable control, having only walked 11 batters in 54.1 innings while striking 107. Yes, 107 strikeouts in 54.1 innings. Just imagine.

Now imagine if that player's agent was Scott Boras. Imagine if he were going to demand a 6 year $50 million contract before not only throwing a Major League pitch, but a professional pitch period. Just imagine.

Well guess what? That person exists. His name is Steven Strasburg, and he is being touted as one of, possibly the, greatest prospect of all time. The real life Henry Rowengartner. The next Cy Young. The man with the golden arm.

This is the man who could ruin baseball.

On the field, Strasburg is exactly what baseball needs to help distance the game from the steroid era - a dynamic young pitcher who could take the sport by storm. Financially, he could cripple the sport. Should he and Boras to make these ridiculous contract demands, or even worse, hold out by playing in an independent or Japanese league, it could set a damaging precedent. Future number one picks could say "If Strasburg held out for a mega-contract why shouldn't I?" This would mean the death of the small market franchise.

The economic outlook seemed to be turning with the Evan Longoria signing last season: a manageable contract for a young star player. Small market teams thrive on drafting players, developing those players, and signing them before their contract demands balloon out of control.

It is their only chance to establish a competitive club, and their means for establishing franchise continuity.

Small market clubs will go from not only being unable to afford top-notch established Major League talent, but the top notch prospects as well. They will be forced to pass over the best players in the draft, for fear they cannot sign them. Suddenly, teams like the Yankees will not only be stacked with veteran stars, but the most talented young players, as well. If you think the Yankees and Red Sox are loathsome now, just imagine if they are stealing away the few commodities small market teams can realistically acquire.

The natural order of baseball would be destroyed.

Moreover, in these economically precarious times, the last thing anybody needs is for an unproven, yet-to-be-drafted 21-year-old pitcher to make outrageous contract demands. If you think people are angry about fiscally irresponsible franchises now, just imagine the outcry if teams give into the Strasburg/Boras demands. People can only take so many of these absurd contracts before they finally snap.

But the fact is Strasburg has a choice. He can become one the most revered phenoms the game has ever seen; or he can become a reviled anti-hero.

The question is which will he be?

The man who accepts a reasonable contract because he loves the game of baseball? Or the man who demands an out of this world deal and sucks the life out of the game?

His payday will come regardless, but it should come only after he proves himself as a top-notch Major League talent; after he has established himself as an elite player. Not before he has even thrown a professional pitch.

The future of the game rests in Strasburg’s hands. Before deciding on that future, he should as himself one simple question: What would Henry Rowengartner do?

-Juice

Movie Ratings

I've decided to add a section on the blog where I give ratings for the movies I watch. Not a full review, but just a four star rating system, except instead of stars I am going to give a rating out of four juice boxes. Stars are boring.

I'll update it after every movie I watch so the movies will just switch randomly. I watch a fair number of movies, though, so it should update relatively often. Also, I have impeccable taste in movies, so this should be very beneficial to all of you.

And don't worry, there is still a full post coming later today.

-Juice