Welcome to the Duel

As some of you probably noticed, blogging has been lacking the last few days. Actually, I've basically disappeared of the face of the earth, or at the very least, the face of the blogging earth. I'm still alive though, don't worry.

Quite frankly, I blame Jesus (not for me still being alive, but for my lack of blogging). Of course, I blame Jesus for a lot of things, but this time it actually makes sense. Sort of.

I’m not going to badmouth Jesus, he seems like he was a pretty good guy, but I will say that his holiday threw of my blogging feng shui. Regardless, I am back now, and better than ever. Well maybe not, but at least I’m back.

I would also like to note that I think I have done more schoolwork in the last three days than I have in the rest of my academic career combined, which tends to put a dent in the amount of blogging. I never knew actually doing homework could be so time consuming. How do the nerds do it?

Anyway, like I said I’m back now, so the blogging will pick up again. I’ve got something coming tomorrow, the top ten on Friday, and the Random Thoughts will return on Saturday. And I know how much you goobers love the Random Thoughts.

Today, though, I would like to give you all a piece of advice: Watch the Real World Road Rules Challenge: The Duel II. As I sit here typing, I am watching a bunch or roided out guys in Speedos pushing around silicone filled females in bikinis sitting on ice blocks. It is the dumbest thing ever, and I love every second of it.

Basically, you have a group of the dumbest people on the planet living in a house together, performing these ridiculous physical challenges. I’m sure you are all familiar with the show, so I won’t waste my time explaining the premise in detail. Instead, I will give you a short synopsis of episode one so those people who aren't watching, realize what they are missing.

Basically, the biggest, craziest, most roided out bastard on the planet (CT), had sex with the resident fat girl with gigantic boobs (Shauvon, who is white by the way). Oh, and they did it on the roof. This, in turn, pissed of his ex-girlfriend (Diem the cancer survivor) who of course lives in the house with them. The way she found out about CT’s sexcapade was when one of the smallest guys in the house, and sworn enemy of CT (Adam), told Diem about his rooftop romp. Well Adam’s “talking shit” sent CT into a fit of rage, as he is prone do. Basically, the next 20 minutes of the episode featured CT going crazy, beating the shit out of Adam, and the rest of the housemates trying to control CT’s rage, although failing to do so even though there were about ten of them trying to keep the crazy gorilla under control. Does all that sound like something you might be interested in? Of course it does.

And, that’s not to mention all the petty bickering and completely ridiculous “alliance” forming between the competitors. It is absolutely fantastic television.

As exciting as that all sounds, I’m not even close to doing the show justice. You just need to watch. I promise you will not be disappointed. I know you are intrigued, so you know what? Stop reading and go watch. Seriously. Go. Now. Just come back tomorrow because there will be more blogging. I promise.

-Juice

Let the games begin

First off, Happy Easter. I am not a big Easter fan, but there is candy, usually a free meal with the family and oh so many hours of trying to catch that damn bunny. Anyway, when I say the games I don't mean the WNBA (are they playing this year? apparently they have a draft. who honestly knew that?) or the second week of baseball. (Sorry for the the parentheses, but what the fuck is with opening week? Opening day isn't enough? Is April opening month?)

The games I mean are the games kids play. Not games like jacks, hopscotch and red rover (even though red rover is a sweet game that leads to broken arms) but real games like kickball, dodgeball, four square and two-hand touch football.

As a kid, I loved recess. I loved anytime I could be outside. It wasn't so much as not being in class but it was the chance to show my athletic superiority to anyone who was willing to watch. Playing endless hours of kickball, baseball, dodgeball, etc. is what I remember most from my childhood. I can still tell you that in 4th and 5th grade I was always quarterback of one of the two teams and I could tell you who was first pick everytime. I still remember my first concussion (sort of) that I got when I slipped on ice in the bus shoot trying to catch a touchdown, that I of course caught.

But its not just the games that the pros play. Its games like steal the pin, take that and dodgeball that I miss and remember most. The incredible feeling of drilling some other kid in the back with a perfectly thrown Gator Ball as he ran away or the joy of being on the winning team when you in fact stole the pin from the enemy and crossed the line. Or even the thrill of scoring a goal in floor hockey which was invented for all the people like me who cant skate but still want to be Bobby Orr, Wayne Gretzky or that black guy who plays hockey.

I wonder if kids still love these games? Will my kids have memories like this? I really don't know, but I hope so. As Juice wrote in a past post kids today think playing baseball means playing Xbox. For them to workout they need a Wii Fit. For me, my friends from elementary school and every kid who ever loved recess, it was about the games. Picking teams, winning, losing, fighting, arguing but most of all playing. Whether you wore a Jerry Rice, Randy Moss or Brett Favre jersey in the fall you loved the games and remember them still.

Looking back I wish I had spent more time with those same guys as we got older. We still could have played the games, but as you get older you get busy. You have to get a summer job, you have practice for the high school team and its harder to get together for a good old fashioned game of whiffle ball, 3 on 3 hoops or dare I say four square on the elementary school courts.

-The Kicker

The End of an Era

Sports mirror life. This is an admittedly worn-out metaphor, and yet, it is wrapped in an undeniable truth. We watch sports because they give us the chance to hope, dream, laugh, cheer, and experience a complex gamut of emotions that almost seems impossible. We find little moments in sports that magnify our own existence, and mirror the ups and downs of our everyday lives.

Monday at the Metrodome marked the beginning of the end of an era. Oh, say what you will about the Metrodome, and I know we all have more than enough gripes, but the Twins undeniably spent their best years in that inflatable bubble.

This particular opening day was about more than a baseball stadium, however.

Opening day marks the beginning of summer. If you ask me, it is far and away the best day of the year. A day of looking forward, where everything lays ahead, and the cold, damp dreary days of winter give way to the sun splashed, endless days of summer. For Twins fans, this particular opening day resonated with the upcoming promise of outdoor baseball. One more summer in the dome before the final curtain falls, and the third act begins on the stage of Target Field.

Personally, I feel like the Metrodome has followed me through one long saga in my own life. And, as I sat around Sunday night, counting down the hours until first pitch the following day, I had an epiphany: I am ending an era right along with the Twins.

As a summer of baseball begins, the school year ends. For me, this may very well mean the end of my academic career. The end of an era. At age 22, the beginning of the baseball season illuminates the impending completion of my college career. Now, my 22 years may not be as impressive as the Metrodome's 27, but I like to think I avoided the 10 year slump the Metrodome experienced with the Twins of the mid to late nineties - the Ron Coomer years, if you will.

And, while one could argue that the beginning of the end of my academics started in January, at the beginning of the semester, this feeling of finality never really struck me until Twins home opener. This is the beginning of summer. This is the end of school. This is the end of an entire phase of my life. This is a mirror between the sports world and the real world.

This is a seemingly never ending time that produced an ever-ranging set of emotions:

-- Punching the couch in disgust as a college senior during the playoff chase of 2008. Punching the couch in joy during the Denard Span and Alexi Casilla fueled sweep of the White Sox. Punching the couch, once again in disgust, following the disappointing one game playoff.

-- Celebrating as a high school senior what, at the time, seemed to be a game winning home run off the bat of Torii Hunter against the Yankees in the ALDS, shattering my cell phone following the back breaking New York comeback, picking up the pieces and moving forward.

-- Watching as high school sophomore, bright eyed and innocent, as the Twins made their first playoff run I could actually remember in 2002; just happy to be along for the ride.

-- Playing sandlot baseball as a child in the early-to-mid nineties, when the Twins served no greater purpose than a dream future for a small child, entranced by the smile than one larger than life figure.

-- Sleeping in a crib at six months old as the Twins won their first ever World Series.

There is one thing each of these moments has in common: The Metrodome. Whether or not a given event actually occurred there, it has always been considered "baseball home." The one constant to always come back to, and the one place Twins fans could truly consider theirs.

Oh it may not be the perfect place, far from it in fact. It is a shoddy, awkward, run down, and an all around unfit for baseball dump. But it has always been our shoddy, awkward, run down, and all around unfit for baseball dump. It has always been our baseball home.

Our little baseball haven.

Like the Metrodome to Twins baseball, in my personal world life was built, aside from my actual house, around one constant: School. All the way from kindergarten through college was a relatively steady stream, with a few slight rapids along the way.

Kindergarten through sixth grade: Get up early, go to school, go home, repeat.

7th through 12th grade: Get up early, go to school, go to afterschool sports, go home, repeat.

College: Get up as late as possible, barely make it to class on time, go back to dorm/apartment, drink beer, repeat.

Nothing seemed to change.

Now I get to sit back and watch as two of the staples in my life come to a close. I get to wonder what comes next. I get to think about the future. I get to experience new beginnings. I get to explore new things.

I get to move on.

As I watch the final season of the Metrodome unfold, and a professional baseball franchise move towards their rightful place on the natural grass, under the endless night sky, I look forward to my own next step. As the Twins close an era that seemed to never end, I close an era that a small part of me wishes would never end.

But, as one era closes, another inevitably begins.

-Juice

Final Dome Opener

Monday was the final home opener at the Metrodome. The end of an era. Albeit an era of the ugliest and most ridiculous stadium in baseball, but the end of an era nonetheless. And you know what? I will miss the Metrodome. Seriously. It may have been a shit hole, but it was our shit hole. I saw my first Major League game there, and have countless memories stemming from time spent inside the mushroom cloud of baseball. There are some great memories from the 27 years spent in the Metrodome, and no matter what anybody says, they will miss that stadium. At least a little. Should we be ecstatic for outdoor baseball? Of course. But we should savor the years in the dome, and realize moving on is at least a little bittersweet.

There is plenty of time to get all sappy about the dome years, though. Now is the time to revel in the opening of a new baseball season. As far as openers go, this was the second worst I have ever been to. Right behind 2005 when the Twins lost to the White Sox and I almost got killed several times during batting practice. Screw off Carl Everett.

But anyway. Here are some pictures chronicling the final dome opener. Enjoy.

I realized on my way into the game I had never take a picture of the outside of the Metrodome before. Of course, you can see why. I would also like to note the guy in the foreground of the picture was handing out fliers begging for someone to save the Star Tribune. It probably isn't a good sign when your company is asking random patrons of a baseball game to buy your bankrupt newspaper...

Opening Day 2009! In hindsight I should have taken a picture of the swastika holding the dome up. Live and learn I guess.

Bet you didn't think the baggy could get an uglier. Oh and by the way, now that Dodge has fallen off the face of the earth, there is no Dodge advertising anywhere in the Dome, which also means they no longer play "Dodge Ball." Instead, they now have people try and throw a ball into a giant inflatable ice cream carton to try and win free ice cream. The lack of "Dodge Ball" may very well be the worst thing about the auto industry going in the crapper. Couldn't, though, The Twins and Stanley have come up with something at least slightly better to put on the baggy? That is atrocious.

The Kicker and I attending our final dome opener. I was going to crop the awkward girls sitting behind us out of the picture, but I thought it would be funnier if I left them in. One of them was from Fargo and at one point said "I was hoping I would get fired from my job during the flood." They weren't the sharpest tools in the shed; although, they weren't as douchey as the guys sitting next to me. We also saw a woman who was so fat that she may or may not have been wearing a tarp. Word is the Twins will donate the baggy to her at the end of the year, though, so that is nice of them. I guess when you get 50,000 people together in one building they can't all be winners.

Okay, so technically this picture is from last year's opener, but how awesome is that? He is rocking an authentic Yoda Twins jersey. And, if you are wondering, Yoda did in fact have a cup of coffee with the Twins circa 1983. He wasn't around very long because it turns out the Jedi Master couldn't hit a curveball. Who knew?

I have this absurd talent for always getting the top of someones head in the pictures I take. Maybe I can become famous by passing it off as art. You know, since 90% of art is shit. By the way I like the Twins throwback jerseys they are rocking this year. Sexy.

I always enjoy the beginning of games when they announce the starting lineups. There is something strangely satisfying about the crowd giving awkwardly loud ovations to Glen Perkins and Nick Blackburn.

Again with the random head in the corner of the picture. In this particular case the guy had awkwardly greasy hair. You can't really tell from this picture, but trust me, was it ever greasy.

First pitch of 2009! Man did we have bad seats. Although, technically, there really aren't any good seats in the Metrodome, so who can really complain? Actually, though, this picture makes us look further away than we actually were because it is so small. Although, we were also 100% sure that Carlos Gomez made the catch on Franklin Guttierrez's home run so 100% visibility was in fact lacking.

I randomly took an action shot of Morneau grounding out in the first inning. I think I was technically trying to take a picture before the pitch and just failed spectacularly, but the end result is kind of cool. Had I taken the picture a split second later we would have had visual proof that Morneau was safe and I could have created a blogosphere controversy. Oh well.

Ken Griffey Jr's triumphant return to the Mariners. It probably isn't a good sign when the highlight of the game was a home run for the other team. Griffey was my favorite player growing up, however, so it was kind of cool.

How awkward does The Kicker look? It's like Val Kilmer when he let himself go post Batman. And, if you are wondering, we took pictures a Twins construction helmet to symbolize our excitement for Target Field.

Hopefully they let the mentally retarded into Target Field...

-Juice

Sports Quotes, NCAA Tourney and Opening Day

Alright, so Opening Day for most teams was the same day as the NCAA Men's Final. I don't care, especially this year because the basketball game sucked. I just find it funny how much Opening Day overshadowed the basketball final. Would it have been different had the game been close? Probably. But Opening Day in baseball is something special, its the best baseball day of the year and even though the Twins lost, Juice and I made our 7th consecutive Home Opener. (More stories, pictures, thoughts and rants to come on this later but for a sneak preview...there is reference to a tarp, reminisces of past openers and of course Dome Dogs).

Now that I got that pesky men's national championship out of the way I want to point out that I don't know one person who could name even one player from the Connecticut women's team who is considered one of the best teams ever. Just saying.

Now, for sports quotes and Opening Day. Out of curiosity I Googled baseball quotes and found some really good ones. This isn't because of hard research, I clicked on the first link. The quotes range from players, fans, managers, owners and any other person you can imagine. Are they all great? No, far from it. But the reason this is relevant is because like sports movies, the best sports quotes involve baseball. I love baseball, Opening Day and sports quotes so it combines three of my passions.

This is admittedly a random post but I needed to post, it had been a long time. Also, I am really really tired and going to jump into my bed (literally jump, my bed is like 4ft high but my roommates is 8ft so I feel fine about my situation) and sleep until I wake up. So...hopefully this wasn't too weird and random if it was, you'll live.

-The Kicker

Random Thoughts...

...30 Rock is better than The Office. I just thought you should all know that. (Juice)

...How stupid are the Minnesota Timberwolves? They are still trying to win games, even though they rarely win, every win hurts, ass faces. (The Kicker)

...There was a poll on espn.com after Gary Sheffield was released by the Tigers that asked "Would you want your favorite team to sign Gary Sheffield?" The only state where the majority answered "yes" (although barely) was Mississippi. It can't be a good sign when the only state that wants you, doesn't actually have a team. (Juice)

...Reader Karl Heine asked about Minnesota Boys Mr. Basketball finalists and pointed out that Nate Wolters should be in the Top 5. I look at this like the NBA MVP. Is Nate Wolters the best player in the state? I don't think so but he is one of the top 5 most valuable players to his team. If you took any of the other finalists off of their team they would likely be a very good team still. It's sort of like Lebron and Kobe. Who is better? That's debatable. I would give the edge to Lebron but its more because of what he means to his team rather than being more talented. If you take the best player off of a team and they go from 30 wins to 10 wins that player is more valuable than taking a player off a 30 win team and they drop to 20 wins. So yes Karl, I agree Nate Wolters belongs in the Top 5 and is one of the most valuable players to his team in the state, maybe the most valuable. (The Kicker)

...Hehe. (Juice)

...Zygi Wilf either needs to fire Brad Childress or step up and say "I don't give a damn what you think we're getting Jay Cutler." Personally, I prefer firing him. Either way, this is completely ridiculous. (Juice)

...So I wanted Cutler on the Vikings, but the Bears definitely gave up way too much for him. However, the Vikings still need a quarterback and Chilly is still a worthless idiot. (Juice)

...I have one leftover thought about the MLB preview posts. Making Rookie of the Year picks is like going to a whore house - it's basically complete crap shoot, anyone can be the best, and the one's you expect to be the best often disappoint. (Juice)

...Milk is a pretty good movie, but there is a whole lot more Sean Penn making out with guys than I expected. I recommend watching the movie, but just get ready for substantial amount of guy on guy action. (Juice)

...I think I'm going through "senioritis" right now. Of course, I think I've been going through "senioritis" since I was in kindergarten so maybe I'm actually just lazy. (Juice)

...Hey look I was called a communist. I've never been so proud. (Juice)

...If anyone ever asks you to go to a place called the Other Place bar, just say no. Trust me. You are better off just saying no. (Juice)

...If you would like to die a little on the inside, look at the prices people want for Yankees tickets on Stubhub. For that matter, look how much people want for crappy Twins tickets. I thought we were in a recession? (Juice)

...And last, but certainly not last, baseball is back! HOO HA! (Juice)

Weekly Top Ten: Baseball in Pop Culture

Well baseball week is coming to a close. Of course, that just means we now have seven months of meaningful baseball games, so who can really complain?

As the grand finale for the week, I am presenting my top ten list of baseball related themes in popular culture. And, yes, I realize baseball itself is part of popular culture. This list, however, is not on the field things such as Yankee Stadium, specific players, etc. that have infiltrated popular culture themselves, but rather movies, literature, music, and basically just anything interesting that has spawned off the field, from the game on the field.

And away we go.

10. "Centerfield" by John Fogerty/"The Greatest" by Kenny Rogers

There isn't a whole lot of good music based on baseball. (Aside, of course, from one iconic song that may or may not appear on this list. You'll just have to keep reading to find out. Or you can scroll down a little ways. It is up to you.) I was trying to choose between "Centerfield" and "The Greatest," then figured, screw it, I'll just make them tied for tenth place. "Centerfield," gets bonus points for appearing in Little Big League, though.

9. "Who's on First?" by Abott and Costello

Honestly, I'm a little surprised this sketch has become so iconic. It is funny the first time you watch it, but it actually gets pretty annoying after awhile. I still enjoy it, and I think everyone should at least listen to the sketch once (it is pretty dated if you watch the video) but I don't really need to see it over and over again. "Who's on First?" is an enjoyable classic, but that is about it. Of course, if Abbott and Costello were considered the premiere comedy act of the 1940s, that in and of itself is an issue.

8. Fantasy Baseball

While not the most popular fantasy sport anymore, baseball is the sport that spawned the fantasy craze. Baseball is a numbers game. Fantasy sports are based on numbers. And, by the way, anyone who says that sports fans aren't nerds, is either a sports fan that is in denial, or a misinformed fool. Sports fans are the biggest nerds of all. I blame the athletes themselves for this misconception. Many athletes are, in fact, not sports fans (75% of all athletes, and 90% of the NBA), and ergo are not nerds. Then, you have a much smaller portion of athletes who are actually sports fans, ultimately making them nerds as well. The disparity between the number of atheletes who are, and are not, real sports fans is the reason there is such a disconnect between athletes and the fans. The fans actually care more about sports than the athletes themselves. Ironic isn't it?

7. Classic Video Games

I enjoy playing new age video games as much as the next guy, but no graphics or realistic features can replace the nostalgia and joy of games such as Major League Manager, Hardball 5, and Tony La Russa Baseball (those are the classics I played, but there are plenty of others out there as well). The greatest of all, however, may have been the pinball machines that popped out a baseball card as a prize if you won. Remember those? I once won a 1993 Topps Manny Alexander card from one of those games. Manny Alexander, if you are wondering, was one of the Baltimore Orioles top prospects at the time, and was ultimately "supposed to" replace Cal Ripken Jr. at shortstop. That didn't work out so well.

6. "Casey at the Bat" by Ernest Thayer

Anyone else remember this cartoon? They used to play it on the Disney Channel when I was a young lad watching such shows as Under the Umbrella Tree. Those were the days, my friends, those were the days.

5. The Simpsons "Talkin Softball" episode

C - Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile

1B -Don Mattingly

2B - Steve Sax and his run-in with the law

3B - Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the bar room tile

SS - Ozzie Smith

OF - Daryl Strawberry

OF - Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw

OF - Jose Canseco

That is a list of all the players who cameoed in this episode, along with the lyrics in the song about why they were forced to leave the team. Those player's whose ailments were not listed in the "Talkin Softball' song (the parody of "Talkin Baseball") had the following issues:

Don Mattingly - cut from team by Mr. Burns for not shaving his sideburns, even though he actually did.

Ozzie Smith - Fell into a black hole and disappeared

Daryl Strawberry - Only player not actually cut, but ends up being pinch hit for by Homer because Mr. Burns is "playing the percentages"

Jose Canseco - Doesn't make it to the game because he is helping a lady save things from her burning house.

Then of course there is Homer who wins the championship by getting beaned with the bases loaded.

I would just like to note, by the way, I did all that the top of my head. Let's just move on...

4. Field of Dreams

I wrote about Field of Dreams in my list of best movies back in February, so you can read what I had to say there. I would, however, like to note I am basically using Field of Dreams to represent all the great baseball movies (The Natural, Bull Durham, Major League, etc.) because I feel it is the most transcendent of all baseball related films. The full meaning really goes beyond baseball. I'm not trying to short change other baseball movies, I just felt like Field of Dreams was the best representation of the lot. But with that said...

3. The Sandlot

Who doesn't love The Sandlot? If you were born in the late eighties, this is one of the top five most memorable movies of your childhood. Guaranteed. If not, you are a bad person. The Sandlot is funny, charming, nostalgic, heartwarming and, even if you don't like baseball, it takes you back to your childhood. Quite simply, it is without a doubt the greatest children's movie of all time. Nothing even comes close. Suck it Might Ducks. (Just kidding, I love Mighty Ducks, but it pales in comparison to The Sandlot).

2. "Take me Out to the Ballgame"

I'm pretty sure more people know the lyrics to "Take me out to the Ballgame" than the "Star Spangled Banner." Maybe I'm making that up, but I swear I heard that somewhere. If anyone knows the answer please enlighten me. Regardless, if you don't know "Take me Out to the Ballgame," there is something wrong with you. In fact, if I ever meet an English speaking person who has spent a substantial amount of time in the United States and doesn't know the words to "Take me Out to the Ballgame," I will challenge them to a fight. So if you are reading this, and are ignorant to said lyrics, bring it on. I guarantee your defeat, because anyone of that ilk could never be victorious at anything.

1. Baseball Cards

Everyone collects things. If you do not collect something, it means you do not have the capacity to love; unless, of course, you collect something weird like feces. Or stamps. In that case you are just weird. Baseball cards, however, are the ultimate collectors item. They are fun for all ages. Nothing beats a good baseball card. And I would just like to say to anyone who sells their baseball card collection as an adult: shame on you. You are selling away a piece of your childhood, and I promise you will regret it. Unless you would like to sell them to me for a reasonable price. In that case, more power to you.

-Juice